In Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman questions the idea that freedom means having complete control over our time.
He points out that many of the things that make life worthwhile require us to share our time with other people and coordinate our lives with theirs.
That suggests true freedom isn’t having an empty calendar. It’s choosing who we’re willing to give our time to.
Think of a friend we can always count on, a volunteer who keeps showing up for others, or a leader who accepts responsibility for other people. These commitments limit their freedom in one sense, but also create depth, trust, and belonging.
Choosing who we’ll give our time to is only the beginning. The attention we give them is what makes that time meaningful.
Being present. Making time. Listening well. Giving someone our full attention. These are the ways we turn a commitment into something lived rather than merely chosen.
Commitment gives others a claim on our freedom. Attention is how we honor it.
From yourself. Expect to learn, grow, contribute, follow through, and occasionally surprise yourself.
From your relationships. Cultivate depth, honesty, presence, and care. Treasure the people who know you well, but don’t let your full life become a closed circle.
From your curiosity. Keep asking questions. Keep learning things you don’t understand. Stay willing to be a beginner.
From your body. Expect your body to do what it reasonably can, but don’t be afraid to push against its limits. Protect your strength, mobility, endurance, and ability to do things for yourself.
From your work. The things you choose to work on should be useful, meaningful, interesting, and worth doing well.
From your courage. Admit when you’re wrong, try things you might fail at, and choose the less comfortable path when it’s the right one.
From your attention. Decide what deserves your attention instead of surrendering it to whatever is loudest, newest, or easiest.
From your ability to contribute. Always look for ways to be useful. Teach, encourage, help, listen, solve a problem, share what you know, give your time, or carry part of the load.
From what’s still ahead. Don’t assume the most interesting parts of life have already happened. Leave room for new work, new friendships, new places, new ideas, and versions of yourself you haven’t met yet.
From your standards. Don’t let convenience or laziness redefine what you consider good enough, especially in the areas you care about most.
From your sense of wonder. Keep noticing beauty, craftsmanship, nature, music, ideas, people. Familiarity can make remarkable things seem ordinary if you let it.
From your sense of possibility. Don’t become too quick to decide what can’t happen, what won’t work, or what’s no longer for you. Some doors close. Others are easy to overlook because you’ve stopped checking them.
From the life you have now. Don’t wait for everything to be settled before you fully engage with your life. There will always be another problem to solve. Problems aren’t interruptions to the life you’re trying to get to. They’re part of the life you’re living.
Photo by Austin Ramsey on Unsplash – With every revolution, something new is revealed.
Either we’re a multi-dimensional work-in-progress deciding what’s most important…
Lately, I’ve seen a number of articles and blog posts that discuss the profound choice parents, especially moms, are making when it comes to work in today’s society. I’m not sure how “today’s society” differs from “yesterday’s society” or “tomorrow’s society,” but I’m willing to accept that.
Lots of famous moms have chosen to work, and excel at the work they do. Marissa Meyer, Sheryl Sandberg, and Beyonce Knowles, to name a few. Lots of not-so-famous moms have made the same choice.
Which brings me back to the articles and blog posts on this topic. The prevalent theme of these posts is that moms must decide between parenting and working. If they work, therefore, they aren’t parenting. If they don’t work, therefore, they aren’t going to be fulfilled.
I have no quarrel with either side of the “work or parent” argument (regardless of gender). Each of us gets to make our own choices. I do have a problem with the premise that either you do one thing, or you do the other. This Either-Or premise leaves a lot of dimensions out of life’s equation.
I’m sure everyone who makes the “worker or parent” decision has other important roles in their lives. They may be someone’s spouse, a brother or sister, an aunt or uncle, a grandparent, a tennis player, a backpacker, a writer (perish the thought!), a juggler, a volunteer at the local soup kitchen, a voracious reader, a hot air balloonist, a violinist, and a myriad other things that make up their entire being.
The truth is, we are like diamonds, with the potential for an infinite array of facets. Some of us are uncut, yet others show countless angles from a lifetime of experience. Whether we reflect, deflect, or absorb the light of life, depends solely on how we’ve allowed our journey to shape who we are.
Either we’re a multi-dimensional work-in-progress deciding what’s most important, or we’re a product of “society’s” Either-Or questions. I choose the former.
Attention is the currency we use for spending time…
I’ve read countless articles and blog posts about work/life balance. They generally focus on the rigors of managing a business in a 24-hour-a-day cycle. Some are from the manager’s perspective, and others are from the worker’s point-of-view.
Most articles mention sacrifices. How families, spouses, kids, friends, and even our own health and welfare, are forced into the back seat while our hero focuses on the challenges of his/her career path. There’s usually some kernel of wisdom…justification for the decisions being made by all involved.
Achievement rarely happens without hard work, focus, determination, sacrifice, and making the (hopefully) right choices. What are the right choices? That varies for each person.
One thing that doesn’t vary for each person is the value of their time. Time is the most precious and fleeting commodity in our lives. We can’t control time. We only control how we spend it.
Attention is the currency we use for spending time. Like time, our attention is limited. Unlike time, we control our attention. We decide what deserves it, and what doesn’t.
Work/life balance isn’t really about the demands of the job. It’s not about the oppressive boss who demands our continuous availability, or employees who need input and direction at all hours. It’s definitely not about checking our email or social feed every fifteen minutes.
Regardless of its details, if there is such a thing as work/life balance, it comes down to two things:
Realizing that we decide where to focus our attention.
Whether we decide consciously or not, our actions make our attention decisions a reality.
Photo credit: Diane Anderson (my wonderful mother-in-law), who focuses (pun intended) a lot of her attention on making beautiful art with her camera.
Grandpa Bob Encouraging Leadership 
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