Your Ten Best Days

What if you could choose the ten best days in your life and relive them as many times as you want?  You only get to choose ten.

How would you go about choosing your ten best? Here are some possibilities to kick-start your thought process (in no particular order):

  • The day you learned to ride a bike
  • The day you lost your first tooth
  • The day you hit your first homerun
  • The day you got your driver’s license
  • The day you graduated from high school
  • The day you graduated from college
  • The day you received your first paycheck
  • The day you bought your first car (which might have been the day after you got your first paycheck)
  • Your wedding day
  • The day you finished your first marathon
  • The days your children were born
  • The day you became the boss
  • The day your trained someone else to be the boss
  • The days your children graduated from high school…how about college?
  • The days your children were married
  • Your first visit to the Grand Canyon
  • The day you went to the top of the Eiffel Tower
  • The day you and your family swam with dolphins
  • The day the doctor told you that you were cancer free
  • The day you watched your grandson being born (a definite front runner for me)
  • The days you visited your children’s first homes
  • That super hot day when you and your kids went to the Angel game and tried to keep cool with spray bottles
  • The day you zip-lined through a rainforest
  • The day you retired
  • The day you first had a Tommy’s Burger
  • The day you helped a complete stranger

The possibilities are infinite, and everyone’s list is different.  Have you chosen your ten best days yet?  What pictures flash in your mind as you try to decide?

Here’s some good news:  you don’t have to choose just ten.  And, you get to relive your best days any time you’d like.  All you have to do is picture them in your mind, like you just did.

Here’s one more piece of good news:  many of your best days are still in front of you, yet to be enjoyed.

Top 9 Things New Parents Need to Remember

My daughter and son-in-law just had their first baby.  His name is James, and he’s one week old.

Inspired by our new grandson, I thought I’d give some advice about parenting.  Trust me when I say that I’m no expert.  Then again, I don’t think anyone is truly an expert in this, the oldest of callings.  With that in mind, here’s my Top 9:

1.  No child is perfect.  Precious, yes.  The center of your universe, yes.  Perfect, no.  They will make mistakes, just like you.  They will have difficult challenges (real and imagined) in their life, just like you.  They will need someone to support them in good times and bad, just like you.  They will occasionally need someone to point them in a new direction, just like you.

2.  Children learn what you teach them.  This sounds obvious, but I think some parents forget this truism.  You should always have an eye on what you are teaching through your words and actions.  Everything you do, say, and value, are always on display for your kids.  The way you handle challenges, approach new ideas, enjoy your day, place value on accomplishment, and take the time (or not) to notice the small pleasures in life, are all teaching your child how to approach life.  Kids have a voracious thirst for new knowledge.  Have fun helping them chase down new things to learn.

3.  Enjoy sharing the things you do with your child.  If you’re doing yard work, get your child involved, even if it’s only to hold the bag while you dump leaves into it.  Building the latest piece of your Ikea collection?  Get them in there with you.  Their “help” may double the amount of time the project takes, but your child will learn what it’s like to work on projects and see them through to completion.  Are you thinking about flying a kite?  Don’t just show them the flying part.  Get them involved in picking out the kite, assembling it, and figuring out which way to point it into the wind.

4.  Child development is similar to sculpting clay.  When clay is new, it’s pliable, easily shaped, and flexible.  You start with the big sweeping parts of the shape, and then hone-in on the finer details.  As you work the clay, it begins to dry.  It becomes less pliable.  It starts to stand on its own.  As the clay continues to dry, even slight adjustments are difficult.

What you do to shape your child’s view of the world, their understanding of right and wrong, the importance of serving others, understanding how their decisions impact themselves and others, needs to happen as early as possible.  The foundational shaping of a productive and independent adult happens very early.

Shaping the clay is only half the challenge.  To fully mature and keep its shape, clay needs to be fired in a kiln and heated to extremely high temperatures…a true trial by fire.  Your child will face many trials by fire.  Many will be theirs alone, while some will be shared with their parents.  Give your child (and yourself) the freedom to succeed and fail in the various trials of life.  Always remember the main goal is to help your child become the greatest version of themselves they can, have lasting values, and be someone who can stand the heat and come out better for it.

5.  Laugh with each other, and at each other…a lot.

6.  Parenting isn’t a democracy.  Parents make the rules.  Your child needs the structure that comes from a well-disciplined environment that you create.        

7.  If you make a mistake, don’t be afraid to tell your child about it.  They can learn just as much from your mistakes as they can from their own.  In fact, they will probably learn more from how you handle your mistake than the actual mistake.

8.  Kids need balance as much as adults.  Adults often talk about trying to achieve an optimal life-work balance.  The same thing should apply to kids. This may mean that they can’t play on the club soccer team, take sailing lessons, and have a lead part in the school play all at the same time.  Help your kids make trade-off’s to achieve an optimal balance of activities, school, work, etc.  Some of the most valuable time in a kid’s life is the “down time” relaxing with their parents.  As much as people talk about “quality time” with their kids, I think there is also a lot of value in “quantity time” that shouldn’t be forgotten in the hustle to do more with each day.

9.  The greatest gift a mom and dad can give to their child is to love each other.  Take the time to ensure that your child gets to see the love between their parents grow each day.  A loving family is a delight to behold, and your child will revel in such a nurturing environment.

9 ¾.  Your goal should be to help your child become a productive and independent adult, who adds value to their community.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Unacceptable!

Last week, I had an employee come in and tell me how something is unacceptable.  The details of the thing that was unacceptable aren’t important.  As I sat there, considering how to best respond to this “unacceptable” situation, I wondered if the employee knew what she had done by using that word to start the discussion.

Merely stating that something is unacceptable, without offering up potential solutions, isn’t helpful.  The recipient of the news (in this case, the manager) is placed in a position of having to extract additional information, and then determine if there are any acceptable alternatives.  Of course, since one situation has already been deemed unacceptable, it’s quite possible that one or more of the alternatives may be similarly unacceptable.

It goes even deeper than that.  By starting the conversation in a deep hole of unacceptability, the potential for finding an alternative that is not just acceptable, but ideal, is very low.  In other words, finding an ideal solution is probably not going to be the goal.  Rather, it will be to find something that is at best “not unacceptable.”

There’s a mindset at play in the person who chooses to use words like “unacceptable” on a regular basis.  That mindset is focused on off-loading responsibility for finding solutions to someone else.  It is focused on creating short-term impact at the expense of a longer-term environment for success and collaboration.

It’s true that some things in life are unacceptable to us.  When these situations arise, we have an opportunity to express this from the perspective of trying to find a more ideal solution.  If your manager or co-worker holds the keys to an “unacceptable” situation, describe it with words like “challenging,” “difficult,” or possibly use the situation as a pivot point to what you see as more ideal alternatives.  Bring an understanding of the pro’s and con’s of your alternatives to the discussion.

Building collaboration is much easier when we seek ideal solutions together, rather than merely working independently to avoid the unacceptable.

Kung Fu Masters

“The measure of a Kung Fu Master isn’t his own Kung Fu, but that of his student.“

There are many measures of greatness in life. Wealth, fame, popularity.  Just to name a few. These pale by comparison to the positive impact we can and should have on others.

Look around you. Who are your students? Do you take the time to teach? Are you an example for your students? Are you helping others achieve their greatness, and celebrating when they do?

We don’t have much time on this planet. Our energy, our ideas, and the passion we have for our ideas can live on in our students…and their students.

Imagine if each of us were measured like the Kung Fu Master. The truth is that we are, whether we know it or not.

On Being Right

Think back to decisions you made five years ago, two years ago, one year ago.

Knowing what you know today, would you have made the same decisions? Chances are, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight and the passage of time, at least a few of your past decisions don’t look as good today.

Think about the decisions you’ll be making today, tomorrow, a year from now.

Do you plan to make the right decision? Of course you do. But, what will “future you” think of these decisions in two years, or five years?

What if the decision you made in the past was the exact right one, but needs to change today in the face of new facts? Will you make the new decision?

As automobile and air travel were being invented, imagine if railroad companies allowed their names (and missions) to change from railroad, to transportation. Railroad companies certainly had the capital and infrastructure advantages necessary to take a commanding lead in all forms of transportation, not just rail. Unfortunately, in the face of new information and disruptive innovation, they chose to hold onto their past “right” decisions. They chose to focus on being the best railroad companies, when they could have become the best transportation companies.

Making new decisions without the burden of always having to defend past decisions can lead to unexpected, and sometimes awe-inspiring, new opportunities.

Are you giving yourself and those around you the freedom to make new, better-informed decisions? Are you willing to be wrong in the past?

Why?

One of the most powerful words in our vocabulary is:  Why?

In the hands of a toddler, it can become one of the most challenging.  I remember a number of conversations with my daughters when they were in that 2-5 year-old range.  They demanded the most thorough explanations of just about everything imaginable.  I know that my wife and I heard the word “Why” at least a hundred times a day.    

Why is it so powerful?  Why do toddlers use it so much?  Simple.  It opens our minds to new information.  It drives learning.  It fuels the fire of curiosity that burns within each of us.    

Are you using “Why?” as much today as you did when you were younger?  Is the fire of curiosity still burning for you? 

Why not?

Moonshots

 

“I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish. We propose to accelerate the development of the appropriate lunar space craft. We propose to develop alternate liquid and solid fuel boosters, much larger than any now being developed, until certain which is superior. We propose additional funds for other engine development and for unmanned explorations–explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this nation will never overlook: the survival of the man who first makes this daring flight. But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon–if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation. For all of us must work to put him there.”  –John F. Kennedy, in his speech to a joint session of Congress on May 25, 1961

When President Kennedy gave this speech to Congress, he was challenging an entire nation to aim for the moon, literally.  Many of us have seen or heard the first sentence in the quote above, but it’s the rest of the quote that has my attention today.

In 1961, the technology to get to the moon didn’t exist.  Kennedy acknowledges this fact by mentioning just some of the new technologies that will need to be developed (alternative liquid and solid fuel boosters much larger than any now being developed, appropriate lunar space craft).  He also makes it clear that not one man will be going to the moon, but an entire nation.

To meet the ambitious goal of getting safely to the moon and back before 1970, NASA engineers and planners compiled detailed lists and timetables for inventing new technology, new methods, and new systems to make the moonshot possible.  They didn’t know exactly how the inventions would come about, but they had the audacity and foresight to plan for them, and to put them on a schedule.  Thousands of people visualized a new future and went about making it a reality.

As they say, the rest is history.  On June 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong stepped onto the lunar surface, and he and his two Apollo 11 crewmates returned safely to Earth four days later.

Moonshots are big.  They aren’t incremental goals like losing 20 pounds by next Christmas, completing the next project your boss thinks is important, or aiming for your business to perform a little better than last year.

Moonshots are impossible to fathom without imagination, a willingness to challenge the status quo, and a keen awareness that fear is there only to sharpen your senses.  Moonshots create new definitions of what’s possible.  They can turn a good company into a great one.

Here’s one more thing to remember about moonshots.  If you aim for the moon and don’t quite get there, guess where you are.  You’re in a pretty high orbit, and a long way from where you started.

Find your moonshot and enjoy the ride.

Treading Water

Which is harder, treading water for ten minutes, or swimming in a direction of your choice for ten minutes?

Have you ever tried to tread water for ten minutes?  How about five minutes?  It’s definitely easier to swim in a direction of your choice…and you get the added benefit of going somewhere.

I’ve had an opportunity to meet and work with a lot of people during my career.  Many have had twenty, even thirty-plus, years of experience in their fields.  Unfortunately, some of them have spent that time treading water in the status quo.  Turns out they don’t have twenty (or thirty) years of experience.  They really have twenty (or thirty) one-year experiences.  Their experiences haven’t taken them, or their organization anywhere.  It takes huge effort to tread water, and yet that is exactly what some choose to do in their misguided quest for job security, a feeling of control, or an overwhelming desire to avoid risk.

Leaders are usually the ones who choose to swim.  They’re the ones who know there are risks, and  understand they can’t control everything.  They realize that real career security (which is much more valuable than job security) comes from constantly building on past experience and moving themselves and their organization in new directions.

Take a look at your relationships, your career, your hobbies, and pretty much anything you deem important.  If you’re treading water, maybe it’s time to start swimming.

Perception is Reality

The scene:  A late afternoon hike as the sun begins to set.

View 1–through the eyes of someone mourning the loss of a loved one

Lengthening shadows descend upon the forest floor.  The never ending dance of day and night continues without interruption.  Glorious palettes of color and texture give way to an infinite collection of shadows and silhouettes.  Plaintive moans emanate from the forest as trees sway against the wind’s relentless onslaught.  Each is alone in the crowded forest to persevere as they must.

The air is thick with the smell of decay.  Death wins another battle in its perpetual war with the living.  The breeze carries hints of a familiar perfume from years past.  A reminder of a life of joy, a life of sorrow, a life of love.  In the darkness, there is only one sound.  The beats of a broken heart.  A companion to the mournful wail of a distant coyote, howling at a moon not yet risen.  He cries for an answer that will never come.  A far off dream in a long cold night has just begun.

View 2–through the eyes of someone who has just met the love of his life

Afternoon sun caresses the forest floor through pin holes in a daylight curtain.  Daffodils and honeysuckles dance in its warming light.  The fresh smell of pine fills the spirit.  The trail ahead is clear, as the forest welcomes its newest guest.

The air is filled with the sounds of bird song.  A cool breeze rustles through the trees.  It carries a salty hint of a distant shoreline and a barefoot walk, holding hands.  The horizon is a view into infinite possibilities.

Which description is accurate?  Both, depending on the perspective of the traveler.

Reality is shaped by the perspective and attitudes of those experiencing it.  Taken another way, perception is reality…

When Everything is Urgent…

NOTHING IS

The very definition of urgent requires one thing (the urgent thing) to be done before something else.  If everything is urgent, which one is first?

Prioritizing requires decision making, and risk taking.  Your priorities are the things you choose to do, not the things you say you do, or wish you could do.  Deciding not to decide is a decision…a risky one when it comes to prioritizing.

Of course, it would be ideal if the things you’ve determined to be urgent are also important.  The two don’t always go hand-in-hand, but should.

What’s really the most urgent priority for each of us?  Actually deciding what’s important.