The First Question People Ask About Any Change

There’s one question above all others that people ask when a change comes into their life.

There’s one question above all others that people ask when a change comes into their life. It doesn’t matter if the change comes in their personal or professional life. The change can be mundane or momentous. Gas prices went up. Your company is acquired by another company. You get a new boss. Road construction blocks your favorite way to the office. Your wife is pregnant. Your daughter just introduced you to her new boyfriend. Your dad was just diagnosed with cancer.

It doesn’t matter whether the change is good or bad (whatever the definitions of “good” or “bad” are to you). It doesn’t matter if the change impacts someone else more than you. Whether people admit it or not, the first question that comes into their head when confronted with a change is:

How will this change affect me?

Does this mean we are instinctively selfish or self-centered? Maybe. More on that later.

People making a change that impacts others have the luxury of getting to answer this question, long before their change is sprung on anyone else. This fact is often forgotten by people driving changes in an organization. People need time to understand the answer to this question, before they can move beyond and start to answer all of the other questions that your change may bring.

About the selfishness question…Your dad was just diagnosed with cancer and your first question (to yourself) is, “How will this affect me?” Does this make you selfish? That all depends on your second question (the one you say out loud).

Curiosity and Zombies

Curiosity is better than shotguns…

Are you genuinely interested in how something works, why things happen, what people think?

Do you look at articles describing how some industry you’re not a part of is facing a new market or regulatory challenge?

Are you entertained to learn that Starbucks Frappuccinos and iced coffees may be changing ice cube usage customs in Europe?

Do you click on links to articles about Africapitalism and venture philanthropy?

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to “fly” off a cliff wearing a Wingsuit?

Do you wonder how the education systems of the US can be improved by the proliferation of MOOC’s and alternative learning services like Udacity, Khan Academy, and others?

Do you marvel at how a rocket engine made mostly of solid rubber can power a spaceship launch?

Do you look at things as they are, and imagine how they could be changed by process improvements, new inventions, or new technology?

Are you an “early adopter” of new ideas?

The ultimate question is:  Are you curious?

The happiest and most successful people I know are curious.  They choose to be explorers in a modern world.  Pursuing answers to what, where, who, how, and (of course) why is what makes them tick.  Their curiosity is the key to an engaged existence.

They may not find, nor like, all of the answers.  That doesn’t stop their insatiable curiosity to learn more.

Show me someone lacking curiosity for life, and I’ll show you the closest thing to a living, breathing member of the walking dead.  Who knew curiosity would be better than shotguns against zombies?

Questions or Answers?

The answer my friend, is blowin’ in the wind. The answer is blowin’ in the wind. –Bob Dylan

Which is more valuable?  Questions or answers?

Here are some answers:  3.14, George Washington, The Wright Brothers, Sir Isaac Newton, 1861-1865, 1776, to get to the other side, 3, Neil Armstrong, Ron Burgundy, vanilla, Elvis Presley.

Without knowing the questions, these answers are merely a list of data points…informational debris to be swept away by our next thought.

Children generally ask lots of questions.  “Why?” comes to mind.

An interesting thing happens to children as they move through elementary, middle, and then high school.  They are asked to provide lots of answers.  What is the square root of 81?  What’s the capital of North Dakota?  What position do you play on the soccer team?  What differentiates plant cells from animal cells?  What are you going to be when you grow up?

This continues in college.  Students take a roster of classes for a semester (or quarter).  They display their mastery by providing the correct answers to questions on a series of mid-term and final exams.

We’re told that there are no dumb questions…only those that aren’t asked.  But, after a lifetime of answering mundane questions from others, is it any wonder that many people have fallen out of practice, or are afraid, when it comes to asking real questions?

The answer my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.  The answer is blowin’ in the wind. –Bob Dylan

I don’t have time to think!

I don’t have time to think, I’m too busy responding!

I heard this phrase the other day.  To be fair, the manager saying it was joking.  However, about fifteen minutes into our discussion, her phone buzzed and she (almost compulsively) checked it.  She looked up and apologized that she needed to respond.  It would only take a minute.

After finishing her response, she was back and totally focused on our discussion.  Where were we, anyway?  I wasn’t exactly sure, but I did write the following in my meeting notes:

I don’t have time to think, I’m too busy responding.

Have you fallen into this trap?  Are you so busy responding that you don’t have time to think?  Thinking takes time, energy, and discipline.  Responding requires only two of these resources.  Guess which one’s missing when all we do is respond.  Discipline.

Discipline is a choice.  Discipline helps us consciously think about the world as it comes at us.  Discipline provides the space to consider alternatives, and imagine new possibilities.  Discipline helps determine if a response is needed at all.

One Hundred Years from Now

I saw an inspirational sign over the weekend. It said…

I saw an inspirational sign over the weekend.  It said:

One Hundred Years from now it will not matter what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had, nor what my clothes were like, but the world may be a little better because I was important in the life of a child. 

All of us are children, some just older than others.  We each have the capacity to inspire, and to be inspired.  We each have the capacity to challenge, and to be challenged.  We certainly have the capacity to teach, and to be taught.  

Our openness to both sides of the equation is what’s most important.

Moving Boulders

The boulder was huge. By all estimates, it weighed at least a ton.

The boulder was huge.  By all estimates, it weighed at least a ton.  It had rolled down the mountain and was blocking the main road into town.  Various city departments sent their top managers out to assess the situation.  All came back with the same assessment:  the boulder was huge, and there was no way their department could move it off the road.   

The road department recommended that they build a new road to go around the boulder.  Given the urgency of the situation, that was seen as the best option.  They worked around the clock to build the new road.  Within four weeks, they had successfully rerouted the road around the boulder.  The road department was hailed for their work and sacrifice in helping the city avert the crisis brought about by the boulder.     

Success?  Not really.

Sure, the city attacked the problem with its best minds.  They came up with a novel approach to solving the problem.  The road department employees put in a heroic effort to re-open the vital artery into the city.

But, something was missing (other than jackhammers and tractors).  In this case, the most vital ingredients to problem solving were missing from the story.  Those ingredients are trust and teamwork.

Each manager sought a solution from within the artificial boundaries of their own department, their own experience.  Their assessments were correct, from their limited perspectives.  None had the resources to move the boulder.  Each fell victim to, and tacitly supported, a culture that ignores (or avoids) cross-departmental teamwork.

Imagine what would have happened if even two of the departments had trusted each other.  Imagine if they found a way to pool their resources and ideas.  The power of teamwork lies not in having more hands to do the work, but in broadening the array of available solutions.

How does your organization deal with boulders blocking the road?  What are you doing to change it?

Happily Ever After

In fairy tales (and many books and movies), we spend most of the story learning how our happy couple meets and falls in love.

In fairy tales (and many books and movies), we spend most of the story learning how our happy couple meets and falls in love.  We learn about the challenges they must overcome in their quest to be together.  Suspense builds to a fever pitch as the forces of evil do everything in their power to keep this couple from fulfilling their destiny…togetherness forever.  If the story has a happy ending (and most do), they live happily ever after.  The End.

Real life is all about the happily ever after part.  It’s about what happens after the couple rides off into the sunset in their horse-drawn chariot, or charcoal grey Honda Civic.  Happily ever after requires curiosity and a spirit of adventure.  It’s nurtured by a willingness to work and grow together.  It requires the triumphs of success and the lessons of failure.  It requires faith, hope, and most of all, happiness.

Happiness doesn’t come from anywhere but within.  Couples (hopefully) learn quickly that their happiness (both individually, and as a couple) is driven by their thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

Our pathways alone bring neither happiness, nor sadness.  We bring these ourselves, wherever we go.

As my wife and I celebrate 25 years of Happily Ever After today, I am eternally grateful for the happiness she brings to our journey every day.

The Gift of Presence

What comes after the summit? Doesn’t matter. It will be revealed when I get there.

The morning sun warms my back as a nice sea breeze cools my face.  The trail turns slightly uphill at first, and then straight uphill for a long ascent.

I hear the rhythm of my breath and my heartbeat pounding in my ears.  My shoes crunch in the dirt with each step.  The birds are chirping and I occasionally hear scurrying sounds next to the trail as I lumber past.  I sometimes hear the music playing on my iPhone…it’s AC/DC, For Those About to Rock.  Perfect for this climb.

No thoughts of the broken sprinkler that needs to be replaced in the front yard.  Nothing rolling around in my head about the project I’m starting at work.  No thoughts about the book I’m close to finishing, or my next blog post (notwithstanding this little dispatch).

What comes after the summit?  Doesn’t matter.  It will be revealed when I get there.

Being present is a gift we can give ourselves.  Undivided attention, sharp focus, and a clear mind are within our reach anytime, if we choose.

Here’s something that’s easy to forget.  Being present is even more valuable to those around us…family, friends, co-workers, the cashier.  We can be present for them anytime, if we choose.

No One is “Just a…”

Listen closely, and you’ll hear the “I’m just a…” phrase applied in many circumstances. You may even use it yourself. I’ve inflicted it on myself a time or two (or three).

“I don’t know the answer, I’m just a temp.”

“I can’t authorize that refund, I’m just a cashier.”

“Clearly, nobody here cares what I think.  I’m just a worker bee.”

“I could probably help those wounded veterans, but I’m just a private citizen.  I’m sure there’s a government agency for that.”

“There’s no way I could ever do that job.  I’m just a high school graduate.”

Listen closely, and you’ll hear the “I’m just a…” phrase applied in many circumstances.  You may even use it yourself.  I’ve inflicted it on myself a time or two (or three).

Ownership is risky.  It requires personal responsibility, a willingness to step up, make hard choices, and be held accountable for your actions.  “I’m just a…” is a ticket to minimizing the expectations we place on ourselves.

The Dark Side

“Just a…” has an even darker side.  It can be used to limit the expectations we place on those around us:

  • “John’s a decent manager, but he’s really just a guy keeping the trains coming in on time.  I doubt he could step into anything new.”
  • “She’s just a summer intern, so I don’t expect her to light the world on fire for us.”
  • “He’s just a beginner, so we need to cut him some slack.”
  • “She’s just a kid.”
  • “He’s just a drug addict, so he will never amount to much.”

When expectations are minimized, minimized outcomes usually follow.

Applying the “just a…” phrase to anyone, including ourselves, ignores potential.  It ignores our ability to grow, change, improve, and amaze.

I Got in a Fight Today (almost)

I stepped back to avoid the shove that I knew was coming. He stopped short and stood there, waiting for me to escalate.

As a crazy trail runner, I look forward to days like today.  My truck’s outside temperature reading showed 93 degrees as I embarked on my run.  I planned to take the slightly less strenuous route, which meant I’d save the biggest hill climbs for the middle part of the run, rather than the beginning.  As usual, I stopped at each bench for a round of push-ups…ten at each bench, rather than the usual fifteen.  Giving myself a break in the heat seemed like a good plan.

My run up Big Red, the highest peak in the park, had gone well, meaning  I was able to make it to the top without stopping.  The good news is there’s a bench at the top, so I was obliged to stop and do push-ups, and catch my breath.  I looked forward to descending the back side of Big Red, and reaching the turnaround point where I’d be heading into the wind.  Running into the wind, and catching a bit of shade from the trees next to the trail would help me cool off and recover from the first couple miles of the run.

I had just started enjoying the shady portion of the run when all of a sudden a guy on a mountain bike whizzed by me on the left.  In fact, he was so close that he actually clipped my left elbow on his way by.  I yelled,”IT’S ON THE LEFT, JACKASS!  TRY HAVING SOME TRAIL MANNERS!”  I didn’t think he heard anything and I continued down the trail.

As I came up to the only bench with a roof (we refer to it as The Bus Stop), there was Mr. Mountain Biker.  He was off his bike, and seemed to be waiting for me.  I thought about just running by, acting oblivious.  But, it was a bench, and I’m required to do at least ten push-ups at each bench.

I approached the bench and just as I started my push-ups, Mr. Mountain Biker asked, “What’s the deal with you?  You veered across the trail just as I was about to pass!  What were you yelling?”

I finished my ten push-ups, and took a nice swig of water from my water bottle.  Maybe I should have skipped this bench was the first thought that came in to my mind.  I generally like my runs to be solitary affairs.  There’s nothing like pushing against my physical limits to clear my mind.  “Have you seen the signs around the park?  Bikers yield to runners, and runners and bikers yield to horseback riders.”  I caught my breath and continued, “I didn’t hear you coming since you didn’t say ‘ON YOUR LEFT’ like most bike riders do.”  Then came the fighting words before I could stop them.  “Do you know anything about trail etiquette?”

That last question didn’t sit well with Mr. Mountain Biker.  He tossed his bike aside. “I asked you what you were yelling at me, butthead!”  He stepped toward me, and I thought he was about to shove me in the chest like seventh graders do at the beginning of fights.

I stepped back to avoid the shove that I knew was coming.  He stopped short and stood there, waiting for me to escalate.  I couldn’t help noticing that I was about six inches taller and at least 50 pounds heavier than Mr. Mountain Biker.  I think my subconscious mind noticed as well and that’s when the words started flowing.  “Buddy, you picked the wrong guy to mess with.  Sure, I’m a trail runner, but this is just for conditioning.  My real hobby is Jiu Jitsu, and I’m a personal injury attorney, always looking for new plaintiffs.”

He stepped back a couple steps.  I’m not sure if it was the Jiu Jitsu part, or the attorney part, that scared him the most.

“My trainer is going to love this!  I actually get to use some of the submission moves he’s been teaching me, outside the gym!

He stepped back another couple of steps, and moved to pick up his bike. “Dude, relax!”

“I am relaxed!  I just wanted you to know what you’re up against.  Besides, I’m the one who got hit, so I’m trying to figure out what your deal is.”

Mr. Mountain Biker was looking for the quickest way to exit the scene.  “Sorry about your arm.  I’ll be more careful next time.”  He hopped on his bike and headed down the trail…luckily in the opposite direction from where I wanted to go.

Thankfully, the rest of my run was uneventful.

As I listed my hobbies for Mr. Mountain Biker, I failed to list my favorite.  Fiction writer.  Fiction writing is basically writing lies for fun (and profit, if anyone buys your stories).

I am a trail runner.  I occasionally watch a UFC fight, but the blood makes me queasy.  My friends never let me live down the time I actually fainted while watching a UFC fight.  I work with corporate lawyers on a regular basis, but I’ve never even met a personal injury attorney.

Oh yeah, about Mr. Mountain Biker.  He doesn’t exist either.  Isn’t fiction great!