Tag: Writing

Drifting Toward the Emotionally Anonymous

After a long day, I love brain candy.

Give me something funny, something distracting, something that asks almost nothing from me. If I accidentally learn something along the way, great. Bonus. But the goal is to let my mind relax and enjoy the ride.

So there I was, doing exactly that. Reading a Substack post about the music industry, the way you read things when you’re unwinding, when an innocuous phrase popped up.

Emotionally anonymous.

The writer was talking about AI-generated music and how the current culture around it was producing art that had all the right shapes and none of the soul. Music that sounded like music but felt like nothing.

This wasn’t just about music.

Think about the last hour you spent scrolling.

A video that made you laugh. A post that made you mad. A headline that informed you for about twelve seconds. A clever line made you nod. A song clip gave you a little lift.

Then it was gone.

Not just gone from the screen. Gone from you.

You can barely remember what you just watched. You remember the feeling, maybe. A little spark. A little hit. A small taste of something sweet.

Brain candy…but all the time.

The sensation of engagement without any connection.

Not that everything has to be deep. Some things are supposed to be brief. A joke. A smile. A beautiful moment.

But brief isn’t the same as disposable.

It feels like we’re living in a world designed to make nearly everything disposable.

Even feeling. Especially feeling.

We scroll past outrage. Beauty. Someone’s best day and someone’s worst day. A song that took three minutes to generate or a song that took thirty years of pain to write.

Our screen treats them almost the same.

Here. React. Move on.
Here. React. Move on.

A little joy. A little envy. A little anger. Some nostalgia. Maybe a little self-righteousness. A laugh.

Next.

I’m not sure what it all means, but it has something to do with attention versus memory.

I wonder if we’re training ourselves to prefer things that ask almost nothing from us, except our attention.

Things that arrive pre-approved for whatever emotional response the algorithm thinks we’re most likely to want.

Which is where Wordsworth comes in.

A strange leap…mindless scrolling to Wordsworth.

But maybe it isn’t strange at all.

He wrote that poetry “takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquillity” (Yes, he spelled tranquility with an extra L).

What’s a recollected emotion?

It’s that song that comes on and suddenly you’re seventeen again, in a car you thankfully no longer own, with people you haven’t seen in over forty years, feeling something you thought you’d forgotten.

You’re not only remembering it. You’re back inside it.

That’s what recollection does. It transports us. In milliseconds, today’s experience reaches back and finds the first time we felt this way, the moment that wrote itself into us.

We’re not just reacting to what’s in front of us. We’re connecting to something foundational, something that helped make us who we’ve become.

That’s the opposite of what the stream offers.

The stream triggers. It harvests. It optimizes for our reaction and moves on before that feeling has anywhere to go.

Recollection goes the other direction. It reaches back, finds the root, and pulls the past into the present. You recognize something. You don’t just remember it.

Real human art has a before and after inside it.

An arc.

Something happened. Someone lived it. Suffered through it, laughed about it, misunderstood it, got it wrong, got it more right, carried it into the quiet, and then tried to make something from it.

A song. A poem. A letter. A photograph. A few lines written late at night when the house is quiet.

The best things don’t merely strike us. They return to us. They become part of who we are.

Then AI enters the room, because of course it does. AI enters every room now.

Music. Writing. Images. Speeches. Lesson plans. Poems. Emails. Stories. Birthday notes. Condolence letters.

Some of it is really good. Or at least good looking.

Smooth. Clean. Properly structured. Emotionally shaped. Technically impressive.

But sometimes nobody seems to be there.

The work has the structure of feeling but not the experience behind it.

It sounds sad but it’s never been wounded. It sounds wise but it hasn’t made life-altering mistakes. It sounds compassionate but it hasn’t loved anyone. It sounds brave but has never faced real fear.

That’s what emotionally anonymous means to me. And once I saw that phrase, I’ve started to see it a lot.

It would be simple to say AI is fake and human work is real.

That’s a clean line. It’s also not quite true.

A person using an AI tool can still be struggling with the work. Still shaping it. Pushing back. Adding their own history. Rejecting lines that sound impressive but don’t feel true. Working until the piece finally says what they were trying to say.

The presence of a tool doesn’t erase the presence of the human.

But it does raise the responsibility of the human in the loop.

There’s a big difference between asking a tool, “Make me something about this topic,” and asking, “Help me understand what I’m trying to say.”

One produces emotionally anonymous content.

The other can be part of a real human process, because the human is still leading. Still choosing. Deciding what matters. Still saying No, that’s too slick. No, that sounds like something but says nothing. No, that isn’t what I mean. Cut that. Keep this. Slow down here.

That’s not outsourcing the soul of the thing.

A pen is a tool. A typewriter is a tool. A paintbrush and camera are tools.

Tools have always changed our work. Sometimes they’ve cheapened it. Sometimes they’ve expanded it. Sometimes they’ve made the impossible possible.

The question isn’t whether a tool was involved.

The better question is whether the human surrendered the work or entered it more deeply.

Did they bring judgment? Did they bring care? Did they resist the easy version?

Did they leave fingerprints?

As people get used to receiving AI-generated content, truly human work may become harder to recognize. A picture might be dismissed as AI-generated. A carefully written essay treated as machine polished. A handmade story received with a shrug.

Did they really make that?

That little question changes something.

Someone may have poured time, discipline, revision, taste, failure, and care into a piece of work, only to have it discounted as another product of the machine.

What a strange burden to place on work that’s already hard enough to make.

Maybe our fingerprints will become more valuable precisely because they’ll become harder to fake and easier to overlook.

Maybe the rough edges will matter more. The old scars. The sentence that sounds like a real person from a real place with a real history.

The human voice will have to become more human. Less generic. Less inflated. Less smooth. Less afraid of being specific. Less afraid of carrying the marks of a life.

Because the stream won’t slow down.

The brain candy will get sweeter. The generated songs will get better. The images will get more convincing. The essays will get cleaner. The machines will become more fluent in the language of feeling.

But fluency isn’t witness. It never was.

The human has to stay in the work for more than just quality control. To preserve something the machine can’t supply. The fact that a real person was there, and it mattered to them.

I don’t want fewer tools. I don’t want people to stop making things because the machine can make an excellent version too.

But I do want us to remember the difference between a reaction and something that stays with us. Something made quickly to catch us, and something made carefully enough to keep us.

I want us to protect the fingerprints.

The hesitation. The humor. The experience.

The strange little detail nobody would invent unless they had really been there. The line that isn’t perfect but is alive.

Brain candy will keep giving us the sensation of feeling.

But the things that last will still need something more.

They’ll need recollection and witness.

They’ll need fingerprints.

Credit to Joel Gouveia, who showed me the phrase “emotionally anonymous” in his Substack piece. Something I’ve been noticing for a while but didn’t have the words to describe.

Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash – because Skittles are awesome.

Advice for a 13-Year-Old

Our oldest grandson turned 13 this week. In honor of this auspicious occasion, here’s some advice from a grandpa’s perspective…

Turning 13 feels important because it is.

You’re not a little kid anymore, but you’re not grown either. You’re standing in that in-between place where life starts opening up in new ways. You begin to think more for yourself. You start noticing the world differently. You begin asking bigger questions.

Who am I? What am I good at? What do I want to do with my life?

All excellent questions, and you don’t need perfect answers yet. In fact, you’ll ask the same questions at 18, at 25, at 40, and again at 60. Life keeps moving and we keep growing. The answer you give today isn’t supposed to be your final answer.

So don’t panic if you don’t know exactly what you want to do with your life. Most people don’t.

Having your whole future mapped out right now isn’t the priority. Becoming the person who can handle that future is.

Hold on to your integrity.

Tell the truth. Keep your word. Do the right thing, especially when there’s nothing in it for you. That last part matters more than most people realize. It’s easy to do the right thing when someone’s keeping score. The real test is what you do when no one is.

Don’t trade your character for attention, approval, popularity, or convenience. A lot can be rebuilt in life. Trust is hard to rebuild once you break it.

Stay close to God.

You won’t understand everything all at once. Nobody does. But keep your heart turned toward Him. Pray. Ask for wisdom. Pay attention. Learn to trust that there’s more going on in life than whatever feels big in the moment. Your faith will steady you when your feelings don’t. It’ll remind you who you are when the world tries to define you by something smaller.

Stay in a service mindset.

Look beyond yourself. Learn to help. Learn to notice when someone needs encouragement. Learn to carry your share. Learn to be useful. Be someone people can count on.

A life built only around what do I want gets very small in a hurry. A life that asks how can I help or how can I add value grows deeper and more meaningful. You’ll find a lot of what matters in life while serving, building, learning, and staying faithful in ordinary things.

Work with everything you have, even when no one is watching.

Somewhere along the way our culture started treating hard work as just a means to an end, something we do to get paid or get ahead. But there’s a much older and better way to think about it.

Quality work builds character. It builds discipline. It builds something larger than the task in front of you. Every time you give full effort to something ordinary, you’re quietly shaping the excellent person you can be. That adds up in ways that are hard to see at 13 but impossible to miss at 30.

Half-effort becomes a habit just as easily as full effort does. The habits you build at 13, 14, and 15 will be the ones carrying you at 25 and 35.

Don’t wait for someone to be watching before you give your best. Work hard at school. Work hard at home. Learn to finish what you start. Learn to be corrected without falling apart. Learn to keep showing up even when it’s hard and nobody’s clapping.

None of this sounds flashy because it isn’t. A lot of what makes a strong life is built quietly.

You’ll fail at things. Do it anyway.

At some point, you’re going to try hard at something and still come up short. You’ll miss the cut. You’ll bomb a test you studied for. You’ll lose a game that matters. You’ll say something wrong at the worst moment. That’s part of being alive and actually trying. It says nothing about whether you’re good enough.

What happens after you fail is the part that defines you. You can let it pull you back, make you more careful, more afraid to try. Or you can let it teach you something and keep going.

Most of the people worth looking up to in life have a longer list of failures than you’d expect. They just didn’t stop.

Don’t be so afraid of failing that you stop reaching. And when you do fail, get back up, figure out what you can learn from it, and go again.

Don’t compare yourself to everyone else.

You’ll be tempted to measure your life against what everyone else seems to have, seem to be, or seems to be doing.

Comparison is a thief. It steals your happiness. It distracts your focus from your own path and wastes your attention on someone else’s highlight reel. The person you’re comparing yourself to is probably doing the same thing in a different direction.

Run your own race. You’re not behind. You’re not ahead. You’re exactly where you should be. The question isn’t why do they have what I don’t. It’s what am I going to do with what I’ve been given.

Stop assuming the world is against you.

This one is worth learning early so you don’t waste years that could have been spent building. When things go wrong, and they will, your first instinct will be to look for someone to blame. A teacher. A coach. An umpire. A parent. Your boss. The system. Sometimes that blame might even be partly true.

None of that matters. You don’t control what other people do. You control what you do. The moment you decide that your success or failure is mostly someone else’s responsibility, you hand over the most powerful thing you have. Your own effort and your own choices.

Work on what you can control. Improve your attitude. Improve your skills. Improve your effort. Stop waiting for circumstances to be fair before you try. Life isn’t always fair. The people who accomplish things don’t wait for it to be.

About your parents.

They really do want what’s best for you. That may be hard to believe sometimes. They won’t always explain things perfectly or get every decision right. They’re human, just like you. Beyond the rules, the questions, the concern, and the occasional frustration is something very simple. They want you to have a good life.

Try to remember that when you feel misunderstood. Talk to them. Listen to them. Let them help you.

And one day, if life takes you far away geographically, stay connected. Call home. Answer texts. Show up when you can. These relationships are worth more than most people realize when they’re young.

About your brothers and sisters.

Yes, they may annoy you. Yes, they may know exactly how to push your buttons. That’s part of the deal. But they’re also part of the very small group of people who know your whole story, where you came from, and what you’ve been through. They know parts of you the rest of the world never sees.

Be there for them. Don’t let small things turn into long separations. Give grace. Stay loyal. Repair things when you can. A strong family is one of life’s great blessings. Don’t treat it casually.

Pay attention to who you spend your time with.

We tend to become a version of the people we’re closest to. Not instantly, and not completely, but over time the people around us shape how we think, what we tolerate, what we aim for, and the person we grow into. Look at the five or ten people you spend the most time with and you’ll get a pretty honest picture of the direction you’re heading.

That doesn’t mean you have to be cold or calculating about friendship. But you should choose your close friends carefully. Find people who are honest with you, who push you to be better, who you actually respect. Be the kind of friend who does the same for them. And if you find yourself around people who consistently pull you toward things you know aren’t right, it’s okay to create some distance. Let them go. That’s not disloyalty. That’s wisdom.

Your words have more weight than you realize.

What you say about people, how you say it, and what you say behind their backs follows you longer than you’d think. At your age, a lot of the cruelty that happens between people happens through words. It often feels small in the moment, like just joking around or venting. But words land hard, and sometimes they leave marks that last a long time.

Be someone known for building people up more than tearing them down. Speak honestly but speak with care. Don’t traffic in gossip. Don’t pile on when someone’s already down. You won’t always get this right, but making it a habit to think before you speak is one of the best habits you can build right now.

Take care of your body. It affects everything else.

We only get one body. Take care of it as if your life depends on it (because it does).

This doesn’t need to be complicated. Sleep matters more than most teenagers believe it does. What you eat affects how you feel and how clearly you think.

Regular exercise probably isn’t a challenge at your age. But as you get older and take on more responsibilities, making this a priority will be difficult. Moving your body regularly, whether that’s a sport, working out, or just staying active, will serve you well for decades to come.

You’re building habits right now that will follow you into adulthood. The kids who learn to get enough sleep, stay reasonably active, and not wreck themselves with junk will have a real advantage over the ones who don’t. That gap grows over time.

Your body is going to carry you through a long life. Treat it accordingly.

One more thing.

You don’t need to impress everybody. You don’t need to look older than you are. You don’t need to rush into every version of growing up just because the world makes it look cool.

There’s no prize for becoming cynical early. There’s no prize for being hardened before your time.

Real strength tells the truth. Real strength keeps going. Real strength is teachable. Real strength can laugh, can apologize, can be trusted.

You don’t need to become everything right now. You just need to keep growing, one good choice at a time, one hard thing faced instead of avoided. One day at a time.

And when you don’t know exactly what comes next, go back to the basics. Stay honest. Stay close to God. Love your family. Help where you can. Work hard. Keep learning.

This path may not answer every question immediately, but it’ll keep carrying you toward a life that means something.

And that is a very good way to begin.

Photo by Arifur Rahman on Unsplash

The Difference Is Ten Seconds

We’ve all heard it, and many of us have said it.

A decision comes up. It sits right in front of someone. It falls within their role and their authority. And the response comes almost automatically.

“Let me check with my boss.”

Sometimes that’s wise. Alignment matters. Context matters.

That’s not the situation we’re thinking about here.

We’re thinking about the reflex. The lazy habit. The moment a leader has the ball and immediately hands it back up the chain.

“I’ll get back to you.”

“Let me confirm before we move…”

Ownership just left the room.

One instance feels harmless. But a regular occurrence starts to define the culture.

Decisions begin to climb instead of moving forward. Time stretches. Energy fades. Momentum slips away, one small deferral at a time.

Every time a leader defers a decision that belongs to them, the team hears something unspoken.

“I have the title. But I’m still waiting for permission to lead.”

There are reasons this shows up. A leader may have learned that their decisions will be second-guessed. A leader may want to avoid risk. In some cases, the habit settles in because it feels efficient in the moment.

It never is.

Leadership is not a forwarding function. Leadership is a decision function. When decisions don’t happen where they should, everything slows down.

Consider a different kind of decision environment.

Naval destroyers move through the Pacific at night. Visibility is limited. The stakes are high. Decisions carry immediate consequences.

Arleigh Burke commanded Destroyer Squadron 23 during World War II. He pushed his ships to full speed when it mattered, earning the nickname “31-knot Burke.”

He once said, “The difference between a good officer and a great officer is ten seconds.”

Ten seconds.

In that environment, ten seconds could determine who struck first and who absorbed the hit. There was no version of that moment where a commander paused to seek permission for a decision that was already theirs to make.

Burke’s point wasn’t about speed alone. It hinged on readiness.

A ten-second decision is formed long before the moment arrives. It’s shaped through preparation, and thinking clearly about what matters and what doesn’t. When the moment comes, the leader recognizes it and moves.

Most of us aren’t making decisions in the middle of a night battle at sea. We’re making decisions in conference rooms, over email, in conversations with our teams, and in small moments where direction is needed.

A customer is waiting. A team needs clarity. Our decision will either create movement or stall it.

In those moments, the difference comes down to a single response.

“Let me check.”

Or

“Here’s what we’re going to do.”

The gap between these two responses is only ten seconds. But what fills that gap, or fails to, defines the kind of leader you are.

The leaders who move in those moments aren’t guessing. They’re drawing on work they’ve already done. They’ve thought through the tradeoffs. Formed principles that guide their decisions. They understand the scope of their responsibility. They trust their preparation and their judgment.

Because of that, they don’t need to look upward for every answer. They don’t need to defer decisions that belong within their role.

They lead.

Create unnecessary delays, and uncertainty spreads. Energy drains. People begin to fill the gaps with their own assumptions.

A leader who steps forward brings clarity into the room.

The next time that familiar reflex shows up, pause for a moment and ask a better question.

Is this mine to decide?

If it is, then decide. Step forward. Move.

The distance between good and great leadership rarely shows up in dramatic events. It shows up in small decisions, repeated over time, where someone chooses to act, or chooses to wait.

Burke’s destroyers didn’t win the night by waiting for permission. They won it by being ready when the moment came.

That moment is already yours.

Ten seconds. Make them count.

Photo by Hayrunnisa Görgülü on Unsplash

Nothing Is Easy

Many of us have felt it. That quiet, persistent yearning for life to just settle down for a while.

We imagine a stretch of road where the strain lets up, the demands lighten, and we can move forward without so much weight on our shoulders. We tell ourselves that after enough years, enough lessons, enough work, and enough milestones, there ought to be a time when things begin to coast.

That hope is understandable. We carry a lot. We get tired. We get worn down.

But easy rarely waits for us around the bend. More often, what comes instead is something better.

Perspective. Wisdom. A clearer sense of what’s worth our energy and what’s worth leaving behind.

With time, we may carry life with more grace. We may stop pouring ourselves into things that never deserved that much from us. We may learn the wisdom of laying down false guilt, unnecessary fear, stale resentment, and the crushing expectations that come from trying to live someone else’s life.

A good bit of suffering comes from carrying weight we were never meant to bear.

Of course, knowing what to set down is its own kind of work. It takes honesty to name what we’ve been carrying needlessly. It takes courage to actually let it go.

But even after we set those things down, effort remains. That’s a feature, rather than a flaw, in life’s design.

Work requires our attention. Relationships ask for our patience. Growth brings discomfort. Purpose calls for sacrifice, and faith asks for trust.

Effort remains part of a life that’s awake and engaged.

Sometimes what we call easy is really just familiarity. We know the terrain. We know the language. We know how to move around in it. That can feel easier, but familiar things can still cost us. They can still ask for endurance, humility, steadiness, and resilience.

Maybe relief is the most honest word for what we’re seeking.

We want a little less pressure. A little less uncertainty. A little less disappointment. A little less striving. We want room to breathe.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Relief is human. Rest is holy. Recovery matters.

But relief differs from a life free of demands. And deep down, most of us would find such a life unsatisfying.

We may say we want to coast. We may fantasize about “easy street.” We may imagine how nice it would be if everything just ran smoothly for a while. But too much ease has a way of hollowing us out, leaving us restless, a little purposeless, quietly bored with ourselves.

We were made for engagement. We want to build, help, solve, shape, encourage, contribute, and grow. We want to know that our presence still counts for something.

That’s why a completely easy life, if such a thing existed, would probably disappoint us pretty quickly.

We were made for meaningful effort, and that’s where we find ourselves most alive.

The question, then, is less about whether life will ever become easy and more about whether we’re giving ourselves to things that build something in us and around us. Things connected to purpose, love, responsibility, service, growth, and calling.

Giving ourselves to the right things helps us stop feeling sorry for ourselves and start paying attention again. It steadies us for the chapter we’re in, rather than the imaginary one we hope will arrive.

As long as we’re here, there’ll be something in front of us asking for effort.

That’s our life inviting us in.

Photo by Nadya Spetnitskaya on Unsplash – Bread doesn’t rise without the work. Neither do we.

After the Fumble

A fumble changes everything.

One second the play is moving. The runner has the ball. The blockers are engaged. The drive has life. Then suddenly the ball hits the ground, bodies are diving, momentum has shifted, and what was yours a moment ago is theirs.

A fumble tests everyone.

The one who dropped the ball.

The coach.

The team.

For the player who fumbled, the moment is immediate and personal. He cost his team field position, momentum, or more. He’ll think about that play long after the whistle.

His pain rarely comes from the mistake alone. It also comes from the exposure. He was carrying something important, and now everyone can see that he mishandled it.

He comes to the sideline knowing what he did.

He doesn’t need it explained. He doesn’t need the replay. He felt the ball leave his hands. He already knows what it cost.

What he doesn’t know is what comes next.

That depends largely on who’s standing on the sideline with him.

A weak coach sees only the mistake. A careless coach brushes past it. But a strong coach understands something both miss. This player, in this moment, is deciding, maybe without knowing it, whether he can still trust himself.

Correction matters. Accountability matters. But there’s a difference between a coach who corrects and a coach who restores. One addresses what happened. The other addresses what happens next.

Real leadership does both.

It says, “Yes, that mattered. Yes, you need to learn from it. And yes, you’re still capable of more than this moment.”

Correction is the easy part. The rest is belief.

People rise to the level of belief placed in them after they’ve failed. That’s one of the most dependable things about human beings. A good coach knows this. A great one acts on it.

What about the team?

They saw it.

That fumble belongs to everyone now.

Do they quietly create distance from the one who dropped the ball? Do they look away? Do they let frustration show in ways that make him feel more alone?

Or does someone move toward him?

Not to fix it. Not to instruct. Just to be close enough that he knows he hasn’t been cut loose.

Great teams are built by people who know what to do when somebody fumbles. That knowledge is built over time. Through the kind of culture a team creates long before the ball hits the ground.

That’s true in every organization, every family, every group trying to do meaningful things together.

Eventually someone will drop the ball. Someone will let something important get away. Someone will have a moment they wish they could take back.

Failure doesn’t create a team’s culture. It exposes it.

A lot of people carry the weight of old fumbles.

A business decision that went wrong.

A missed opportunity.

A sentence that should have stayed unspoken.

A responsibility handled poorly.

A relationship moment they wish they could take back.

That weight is real. The costs were real. The embarrassment was real. There’s no use pretending otherwise.

But the fumble doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

Sometimes the growth that follows a mistake runs deeper than anything that came before it. Failure exposes what needs to be seen. A weakness, a blind spot, a lapse in discipline. It creates a moment that can be used, or wasted.

That moment rarely turns on the person who fumbled. It depends on what they find when they look up.

The leader who steps in with exactly the right mix of truth and trust. The teammate who moves toward them instead of away. The voice that says you’re still capable of more than this moment.

What looks like the end of the drive is sometimes the moment the real game begins.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

What I’d Tell a 21-Year-Old Now

My niece is turning 21 in a couple of weeks. That milestone prompted me to go back and read a post I wrote in 2013 called Advice for a New 21-Year-Old.

Reading it now, I still stand behind it. But a lot has changed in the world and in me since then. A 21-year-old stepping into adulthood today faces a different landscape than the one I was writing about then. After more than a decade of watching young people navigate it, I think an update is in order.

Back in 2013, I intentionally opened with drinking and gambling. Those are two of the classic threshold items attached to turning 21. Things the world suddenly says you’re allowed to do.

Turning 21 feels significant in part because it comes with new freedoms. New access. New choices. New opportunities to say yes to things that used to be off limits.

But if I were to distill what I want to say today, it’s this:

The most important part of turning 21 isn’t what you’re allowed to do. It’s what you’re responsible for doing with your new freedom.

On Drinking

Back in 2013, I wrote specifically about types of alcohol, mixing drinks, drinking water between drinks, and a few other practical things. The tips were fun, and I meant them. But what I was really trying to say was simpler.

Don’t let alcohol become the thing that teaches you who you are.

A 21-year-old can easily mistake access for maturity. Being allowed to drink is one thing. Knowing how to carry yourself is another.

If you choose to drink, stay in charge of yourself. Stay aware. Stay responsible. Don’t confuse recklessness with fun, or excess with adulthood.

There’s nothing impressive about losing control, hurting people, damaging your future, or building habits that begin as entertainment and slowly become dependence.

Freedom says you can. Wisdom says you don’t always have to.

On Gambling

Gambling is worth talking about, less for the casino tips and more for what it teaches us about life.

A lot of life will tempt you into thinking you can outsmart systems that were built to profit from your confidence. Sometimes that system is a casino. Sometimes it’s consumer debt. Sometimes it’s a flashy investment story. Sometimes it’s just your own belief that you’re the exception to every warning sign.

Understand the odds. Understand the incentives. Understand that some games were built for you to lose slowly enough that you keep playing.

That lesson applies far beyond cards, dice, and slot machines.

On Money

At 21, your income may still be modest. Your savings may be thin. But your financial decisions aren’t any less meaningful.

This is the age when you should begin learning how money actually works.

Learn how to live below your means. Save at least 10% of your income, always. Learn how savings accumulate and compound over time. Einstein called compound interest the most powerful force in the universe, and he was right.

Learn how debt can easily grow if you allow it. Learn how investing works. Learn what markets do over time. Learn what risk is and what it isn’t. Learn how compounding works for you, or against you.

Don’t hand the whole subject over to experts and decide this isn’t for you.

It is for you.

Nobody can make this investment in your understanding except you. It’ll take effort, time, and discipline, but the payoff will be enormous. The earlier you begin, the more options you give yourself later.

On Taxes

This is one area I would add much more explicitly today.

Taxes shape your paycheck, your investments, your business decisions, your home decisions, and your retirement decisions. They are one of the most powerful forces shaping the economy around you. Most people your age treat taxes like background noise. They are anything but background noise.

Learn how federal income taxes work. Learn how your state handles taxes, including property taxes. Learn the basic tax forms. Learn what withholding is. Learn the difference between deductions and credits (it’s a big one). Learn how capital gains differ from ordinary income.

Most importantly, learn how and why governments shift tax policy. You’ll find that it’s often less about revenue generation and more about encouraging or discouraging certain behaviors. When you understand this, the debates about tax policy start making a lot more sense.

You don’t need to become a tax attorney. But you do need to stop treating taxes as some mysterious thing that happens in the background while adults in suits handle it for you.

The sooner you understand taxes, the less often you’ll be surprised by them.

On AI and Paying Attention to the Future

This didn’t belong in the 2013 version the way it does now.

If I were talking to a new 21-year-old today, I’d tell them to learn how to use AI well.

Not as a crutch. Not as a substitute for thinking. Not as some fantasy weapon that will let you dominate the world.

Use it as a tool.

Use it to expand your access to knowledge. Use it to test ideas. Use it to get a rough draft or minimum viable product moving. Learn what a minimum viable product is and why it matters so much to growth.

Use it to make an idea more tangible. Use it to model possibilities. Use it to iterate faster. Use it to tighten your thinking by forcing your vague idea into something clearer and more real.

An idea in your head can feel pretty smart. The moment you try to express it, structure it, test it, or build it into something visible, you’ll begin to see its strengths and weaknesses. AI can help accelerate your thinking process.

A lot of people are afraid that AI will eliminate jobs, upend industries, and leave ordinary people behind. That fear is understandable. But the larger pattern is nothing new.

History is full of major technological shifts that changed the economic framework people were living in. Industrialization changed everything. Then electricity. Then assembly lines, cars, computers, the internet, and smartphones. Each wave brought creative destruction. Old methods faded, old jobs shrank, new opportunities appeared, new leaders emerged.

AI is doing the same thing now. And the people who will thrive aren’t the ones who wish the old way would come back. They’re the ones paying attention to where the world is going, and responding.

Pay attention to what’s becoming easier, faster, cheaper, more valuable, or more scalable. Pay attention to which skills are fading and which ones are growing. Then adapt. Learn. Position yourself well.

That’s a far better response than fear.

On Health

At 21, most people feel almost invincible. That feeling can fool you into thinking poor habits are free. They aren’t. They just send their bills later.

Make physical activity a normal part of your life. Build it into your routine so deeply that you miss it when it’s absent. Walk. Run. Lift. Stretch. Work outside. Stay active in ways that make your mind and body stronger, more capable, and more durable.

Healthy habits pay real dividends over time. Energy, mobility, resilience, mental clarity, confidence, longevity, and quality of life. These aren’t accidents. They grow out of a disciplined and consistent approach to taking care of yourself.

If you build a strong base now, your future self will thank you.

On Faith

A 21-year-old may or may not have ever been meaningfully exposed to faith. Some were raised around it. Some were barely around it at all. Some were exposed to a shallow version of it and walked away before they were old enough to examine it for themselves.

But by 21, your openness to faith is your responsibility.

Faith should never be reduced to pretending. You don’t need to manufacture certainty where you still have questions. But you should stay open enough to seriously consider that life is more than work, pleasure, achievement, money, and survival.

Ask the bigger questions.

Why are you here? What is good? What is true? What does it mean to live well? What does it mean to love well?

These are foundational questions. If you ignore them, you’ll still build your life on some kind of answer. You just may not realize it.

Faith has a way of changing the scale of everything. It changes how you think about suffering, success, failure, purpose, love, forgiveness, responsibility, and hope. It gives context to things that otherwise feel random, hollow, or purely material.

Stay open. Read. Ask. Listen. Seek out serious people of faith, not just loud people with opinions.

You don’t have to have everything figured out at 21. But you’re old enough to begin seeking honestly.

On Learning from Good People

Find good people and pay attention to them.

Look for people whose lives make sense up close, not just people who look impressive from far away. Find people who have built something solid. Who work hard, keep their word, love their families well, handle money responsibly, and have endured difficulty without becoming cynical.

Ask questions. Watch what they do. Learn from their patterns.

At 21, you’re old enough to choose your influences more deliberately than ever before. Choose wisely.

On Freedom

Turning 21 brings new freedom. But freedom by itself is only raw material.

What matters is what you build with it. You can use it to drift, indulge, imitate, and react. Or you can use it to build capability, health, wisdom, faith, discipline, and a life that stands up under real weight.

That’s the better use of it.

The world tends to celebrate 21 by pointing to what you can now do.

I’d rather point to what you can begin becoming. That’s where the real opportunity is.

Happy Birthday, Isabella, from your favorite uncle.

Photo by Shai Pal on Unsplash

A Parable for Anyone Thinking About AI and Their Future

Let me tell you a story about a foosball player.

Not the person gripping the handles. Not the people leaning over the table. Not the ones watching from the side, reacting to every near miss and lucky bounce.

I mean the little player on the rod.

The one fixed in place. The one locked into one line. The one who can slide back and forth, but only so far. The one who can affect the game, but only if the ball comes close enough to matter.

They don’t choose the strategy. They don’t choose the timing. They don’t choose the pace.

Most of the time, they wait.

Then the ball comes their way, and suddenly everything matters. Angle. Timing. Readiness. Contact.

That sounds a little like work to me.

A lot of people spend their days in roles that aren’t all that different. They work inside boundaries they didn’t create. They carry responsibility inside systems they don’t control. They try to do their part well, even when they can’t see the whole field or understand everything that sent the work their way.

They may not know the whole game, or how the score is being kept. They may not even know what happened two lines back that sent the ball in their direction.

Still, when it reaches them, their moment is real.

There’s something important in that.

We don’t need to control the whole table to be responsible for our part of the play. We don’t have that kind of control in most of life. We’re asked something simpler and harder. Be ready. Pay attention. Do the best you can with what reaches you.

That alone is worth contemplating.

But what if we add artificial intelligence to the picture?

Imagine that same foosball player being given access to a system that sees patterns faster. A system that recognizes angles sooner. A system that can suggest where the ball is likely to go before the player fully sees it unfold.

At first, that sounds like help. And often it is.

The player reacts faster. The contact gets cleaner. The scoring chances improve.

AI helps people create faster, sort faster, summarize faster, and respond faster. It removes friction. It can make a capable person more effective inside the lane they’ve always occupied.

That is the promising side of it.

But there is also an uncomfortable part.

Once the system starts seeing faster and suggesting more accurately, someone above the table is eventually going to wonder why they still need the player. That question doesn’t always get asked out loud. But it’s there. You can feel it. Pretending otherwise doesn’t make it go away.

That unease is legitimate.

The question is what to do with it.

Here’s where I think the real work begins.

What separates a great foosball player from an automated one isn’t reaction time. Machines will win that contest.

The deeper difference is harder to name. Knowing when not to take the obvious shot. Recognizing that the ball coming from a certain direction is a trap, not an opportunity. Sensing that something is off and adjusting before the moment fully reveals why. Coordinating with the players on the other rods in ways that don’t require a word.

That’s judgment. That’s situational awareness. That’s the kind of thing that lives in the player, not the system.

AI can help with speed. It can help with prediction. It can surface options. But it doesn’t carry responsibility the way a person does. It doesn’t feel the weight of consequences. It doesn’t care about the human being on the other end of the decision. It doesn’t wrestle with what should be done. Only what can be done.

That still belongs to us.

I want to be honest about the limits of that claim. The argument that human judgment is safe from automation isn’t permanently settled. AI is advancing in that direction too. Anyone who draws that line with complete confidence is overconfident.

But if I define my value only by output and routine execution, I’ll always be vulnerable to something faster.

If my value includes judgment, trust, discernment, adaptability, and the ability to connect my small part of the field to a larger purpose, then the picture changes. AI becomes a tool I use, not a definition of who I am, or an immediate replacement for the work I do.

For some people, this reframing will feel like genuine good news. Their roles have always required judgment, and AI can finally free them from the parts that didn’t.

For others, the harder truth is that their role may need to change. Some work is primarily mechanical. Some lanes will be redesigned or eliminated in this process.

The courage in that moment isn’t pretending the role is something it isn’t. It’s being willing to grow. To move toward the parts of the field where human judgment still has the most to offer.

That is a hard ask. Unfortunately, for many people, it’s becoming a necessary one.

I also want to be honest about who fits this reframing the most. If you have domain knowledge, a network, and some runway, the opportunities ahead are genuine. If you are mid-career in a role that has been primarily mechanical, the path from insight to action looks different. That doesn’t make the direction wrong. It means the journey looks different depending on where you’re starting from.

But here’s something else worth considering, especially if uncertainty feels more like a threat than an opportunity.

The same tools raising these questions are also lowering barriers in ways we have never really seen before. Starting something new used to require capital, staff, infrastructure, and years of groundwork before the first real result.

That is still true for some things. But for many others, the gap between I have an idea and I have something real has collapsed in ways that are genuinely new.

The foosball player who spent years developing judgment, domain knowledge, and an instinct for the game now has access to tools that can help them build something of their own…not just execute better inside someone else’s system.

That’s a different kind of power than speed or efficiency.

It’s agency, if we choose to use it.

And it doesn’t have to be a solo venture. Some of the most interesting things happening right now involve small groups of people — two, three, maybe five — who share domain knowledge, complementary judgment, and a problem worth solving. With the help of these AI tools, they can pool their capabilities in ways that would have required a full company to attempt a decade ago.

Not everyone will go this route. Not everyone should.

But the option is more available than it has ever been. And for the person who has been quietly wondering whether there’s a different game they should be playing, this moment may be less of a threat and more of an opening.

The foosball player is still fixed to the rod. Still limited. Still dependent on timing. Still part of a game they don’t fully control.

That hasn’t changed.

What may need to change is the story the player tells about themselves. A bigger, truer one. One with more possibilities.

Use the AI tools. Learn how to maximize your position with them.

But don’t let AI reduce you.

You were never only the motion. You were never only the output. You were never only the kick.

You were the one responsible for what to do when the ball came your way, and that’s still true.

And now, for the first time, you may have more say than ever in choosing your table.

Photo by Stefan Steinbauer on Unsplash – I’ve only played foosball a few times. I’m terrible at it and haven’t played it enough to feel like the game is anything more than randomness and chaos. Funny thing is that lots of workers have a similar perspective on the job they’re doing for their employer.

The Space Where Imagination Still Lives

A sentence in a science fiction novel stopped me recently. It was a small line, easy to roll past, but it stayed with me long after I put it down.

“I’m proud of my imagination.”

I found myself wondering if I had ever thought of it that way. Proud. The bigger question that followed was a little more unsettling. Am I still using my imagination fully, or is it something I can see, but always remains just a few steps beyond my reach?

Most of us think of imagination as something that belongs to childhood. Living room forts. Long summer days that lasted forever. Stories invented simply because it was fun to live inside them for a while.

Then life moves forward and the tone shifts. Our imagination grows up with us. It gets invited into planning meetings and project updates. It earns its place by helping things get built, improved, delivered. It becomes practical.

That kind of imagination matters. It’s the force behind homes that rise from empty ground, companies that begin as ideas scribbled on paper, and communities that take shape one decision at a time. Many of the most meaningful things in life begin with a simple question. What if this could exist? And then our imagination stays long enough to help bring it into the world.

Yet there’s another layer, the one that’s harder to reach. Imagination without a destination. The kind that wanders. The kind that lets our curiosity move without a map, without an audience, without a finish line waiting just ahead.

Modern life doesn’t make much room for wandering. We reward clarity. We celebrate speed. Productivity gets our applause. Wandering gets a polite nod and then we move on.

Even creativity, when it happens, can start to lean toward usefulness. We think about who might care, how something might land, whether this is worth sharing. Before long, our imagination is wearing work clothes every day.

Still, the wandering version never disappears. It shows itself in moments we almost miss. A line in a book that makes us pause. A quiet walk where our thoughts drift farther than we planned. Standing on an open piece of land and picturing laughter and conversations that haven’t happened yet, paths that haven’t yet been carved.

Those moments feel different. The air seems a little wider. Time stretches just enough for possibility to breathe.

Imagination is our ability to see long before we start to solve. 

Across a lifetime it takes different forms.

-Playful imagination delights in possibility simply because it can.
-Building imagination turns vision into action and ideas into reality.
-Generative imagination pictures future experiences, future conversations, future memories waiting somewhere ahead.

Most of us live primarily in the second and third forms. We plan, design, and visualize. We imagine with purpose. The playful version visits less often, but when it arrives it carries a spark that feels unmistakable.

Part of what makes it harder to access is our internal voice of evaluation. Our mind asks its questions automatically. Does this make sense? Is this useful? Would anyone care? These questions help us bring ideas into the world. They also narrow our horizons.

Artists talk about the deep joy in creating something they love for its own sake. Then a second round of joy when that creation resonates with others. The order matters. Self first. Audience second. When the sequence holds, the work feels alive. The same may be true of imagination itself.

Imagination grows stronger when it has somewhere to roam. It expands when it’s allowed to exist without immediate purpose. That permission can live in small choices. Letting a thought run a little longer. Following an idea that seems interesting even if it leads nowhere. Sitting with possibility without rushing to decide what it means.

The wandering and the purposeful are partners. Each strengthens the other. The freedom to explore deepens our clarity to build. When imagination has room to stretch, what we create carries more life inside of it.

That line from the novel stayed with me because it felt less like a statement and more like a quiet commitment. To keep my imagination active. To keep it close at hand. To let it wander often enough that it never forgets how.

Maybe that’s the invitation for all of us. Keep a small door open. Let imagination step outside the boundaries of usefulness from time to time. Let it explore without needing a reason.

Because the farther our imagination travels, the richer life feels when we return.

Photo by Dobranici Florin on Unsplash – I can imagine a bunch of things in this photo, but the main reason I chose it is the way the sun glows on the fence posts. I made you look again, didn’t I.

Six Questions at the End of the Day

For the next two weeks, I’ll be doing something new.

Marshall Goldsmith is encouraging people to ask themselves six questions every day. That’s the whole experiment.

Six questions. Asked at night. Answered honestly.

They all start the same way:

Did I do my best to…

The questions don’t ask what happened to me today. They ask what I did with today.

During his webinar introducing the experiment, Mr. Goldsmith referred to the Rigveda, an ancient poem from India that he described as being thousands of years old. He just mentioned it and moved on.

I had never heard of the Rigveda, so down the rabbit hole I went after his webinar ended.

The Rigveda is a collection of hymns. A lot of it is about everyday things. The sun rising. Fire. Breath. Life continuing. There’s a sense that daily life matters. That how we live each day counts.

People have been trying to figure out how to live a good life for a long time. Way before self-help and leadership books. Way before webinars and podcasts.

St. Ignatius of Loyola comes to mind. He developed something called the Daily Examen. It’s a review of the day. You look back. You notice where you were grateful. You notice where you fell short. You think about tomorrow.

Different times. Different traditions. Same basic ideas.

At the end of the day, pause and ask, “How did I live today?”

Goldsmith’s six questions fit right into that pattern.

Did I do my best to be happy today?

The question hits differently when the day is already over. I can see clearly whether I purposely enjoyed the day or just rushed through it.

Did I do my best to build positive relationships?

Now I’m thinking about the way I spoke to someone. Whether I listened. Whether I gave someone my full attention.

The questions are short. The reflections take some time.

Goldsmith describes happiness as “enjoyment with the process of life itself.” Happiness lives inside the day. It grows out of our engagement with what’s already in front of us.

The writers of the Rigveda seemed to understand that. Ignatius understood it too. They’re asking us to pay attention to our life and actively engage in it.

I’m only a few days into this experiment. Nothing dramatic has happened. No big breakthroughs.

But I know I’ll be answering these six questions later. I move through the day with more awareness. I catch myself sooner. I stay present a little longer. I think twice before reacting.

It’s a small shift…but small shifts repeated over time shape our lives.

Thousands of years have passed since the Rigveda was written. Centuries since Ignatius taught people to examine their day.

Our modern life looks very different, but the question remains the same.

How did I live today?

Here are Goldsmith’s six questions:

–Did I do my best to set clear goals today?

-Did I do my best to make progress towards my goals today?

-Did I do my best to find meaning today?

-Did I do my best to be happy today?

-Did I do my best to build positive relationships today?

-Did I do my best to be engaged today?

h/t – Marshall Goldsmith

Photo by Jonh Corner on Unsplash – looks like an awesome spot to think about these questions.

The Second Generation Is Where It Gets Real

The first version of almost anything is an act of discovery. We’re learning in real time, usually without understanding what we’re building. We don’t yet know which parts will matter, which ones deserve less attention, or where the challenges are.

The first version is shaped by assumptions. Some accurate, others incomplete. It’s often held together by optimism and a willingness to learn as we go.

The first generation isn’t meant to be polished or permanent. Its purpose is proof of life.

Does this idea work at all?
Do we enjoy pursuing it?
Is there something here worth continuing once the novelty fades?

Many ideas never move beyond that first stage. Excitement gives way to routine. Maintenance enters the picture. It’s decision time.

Is this something I’m willing to own, or was I simply exploring an interesting possibility?

If the answer leans toward exploration alone, the idea stalls, usually forever. It never makes the leap from curiosity to commitment.

That leap matters.

William Hutchison Murray said it well, “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.”

The second generation begins at that moment of commitment.

If we choose to begin version two, everything changes.

We’re no longer experimenting or learning if this idea works. We’re deciding that it matters enough to carry forward.

We’re operating with experience now. We’ve seen where effort was misdirected and where the momentum came from. We understand which details carry lasting value and which ones only seemed important at first.

More importantly, we own it now.

That’s why the second generation feels heavier. The weight of responsibility belongs to us. We know too much to pretend otherwise.

An idea that survives long enough to earn a second version has already passed an important test. It has encountered reality and endured.

The first generation asks whether something can exist. The second generation answers whether it should continue.

From there, our work evolves. Spontaneous ideation turns into direction. The purpose becomes clearer than the feature set. Identity begins to emerge.

This is how we do it.
This is what matters.
This is what we’re willing to stand behind.

The second generation is the foundation for everything that follows…far more than the first. It establishes patterns, standards, and expectations for what comes next.

Tackling version one takes courage. But finishing that version is only part of the journey.

The deeper test lies in beginning again. This time with clearer eyes, better judgment, and full ownership of what we’re building.

We move from discovering what we could build to owning what’s truly worth building.

Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

If you know someone standing at the edge of a second generation, feel free to pass this along to them.