Auto-Pilot – Encouragement is Personal

Airplanes have auto-pilot. Cars are getting closer to self-driving. In fact, I just saw a headline about a police officer pulling over a self-driving Google car (not sure who gets the ticket in that situation).

As Aldous Huxley said in his 1931 book, it’s a brave new world.

Auto-pilot and self-driving systems have one thing in common: they know where they’re going. Actually, the systems don’t know. The operator who is (ostensibly) in control knows the starting point, and the destination.

Real life doesn’t work that way.

There are no self-driving:

Friendships. We don’t know when a new friendship will start, we surely don’t know where it’s going, and we hope it never ends. The journey is what makes it so good. Have you put any of your friendships in self-drive mode? It’s a conscious decision, even when you act like you didn’t notice. Here’s the good news. In most friendships, you can switch out of self-drive mode and restart the journey. Your only decision is when to flip that switch.

Projects. We usually know when a project starts, and when it’s supposed to end. We have plans, resources, and our schedules. We (should) know what defines success in a project, and what the end result needs to be. That’s all the ingredients a project needs to switch to auto-pilot. Right? Not so fast! Show me a project that’s out of control, off schedule, costing more than expected, and I’ll show you a project that went on auto-pilot while nobody was looking.

Parenting. We know when parenting starts, and that’s about it. Parents understand that every day with their kids is an adventure. It’s an adventure they hope never ends. There are days when they’d like to go on auto-pilot, but those are the days when they should be most engaged.

Companies. It doesn’t matter what size they are, or how long they’ve been around. If people inside a company start to “mail it in,” stop caring, assume someone else is asking the tough questions, assume someone else is making the hard choices; that’s the beginning of the end. It may take some time, but the end is baked-in the moment self-drive mode is engaged. It’s just a question of when, and it’s never pretty when the end arrives.

Marriages. We certainly know when marriages begin. Sadly, some marriages have ended, yet the people involved don’t even realize it. Why? Self-drive. One or both have engaged the self-drive button and decided that they’re just along for the ride. Only together can a married couple steer, accelerate, hit the brakes, seek out new routes, find shortcuts, or just enjoy the scenery. It takes constant work, endless attention, and unending love to share this most important steering wheel. There’s no room for self-drive in the front seat of a marriage.

Self-drive may seem easier, but its sole focus is the start and the end. These are only two points on the journey.

The part in the middle is the real reward. Engage self-drive and you will miss it.

Have you ever tried brushing your teeth with your eyes closed, or in total darkness? I’m sure you’re asking, “How hard can that be?”

Give it a shot and you’ll find out.

Would you be able to find the toothpaste? How about your toothbrush? The sink? Now for the tough part. Can you put the right amount of toothpaste on the toothbrush?

Maybe you mastered all of that, and even brushed the proper amount of time. Are you sure you’re spitting in the sink? Did you put the toothbrush back where it belongs? How about the toothpaste?

You (should) brush at least twice a day. Multiply that by your lifetime of days, and that’s a lot of practice. Your brain should do it automatically…and it does until you eliminate one sense (sight in this case). Then it gets a lot harder.

So hard that you may find all your attention focused on that one simple task. For that moment, you will be fully present. No distractions. Only a laser focus on trying to figure out how to get the right amount of toothpaste on the toothbrush without making a mess.

Our brains are amazing. The biggest consumer of calories within our bodies. So, over millions of years of development, our brains have found ways to disengage (in the interest of energy conservation). Once our brain establishes a pattern for an activity, it flips the “auto-pilot” switch and rests.

Think about all things you do in a day without thinking. Or, maybe all the things you do while thinking too much. What if you approached each one a little differently?

Commute to work a completely different way. Shop in the opposite direction (admit it, when you go to “your” grocery store, you usually go in the same direction). Put your shoes on starting with the other foot.

Put a penny next to your smart phone. Pick it up instead of your phone when you get that urge to check your messages. A penny for your thought. Maybe you can give those pennies to a charity. Since this is for your favorite charity, what if you put a $20 bill there instead? That habit of yours may actually help someone else.

Which brings us back to the original premise. Brushing your teeth in the dark. Try it. You just might see things a bit more clearly.

Here’s the kicker. If you brush in the dark for about a week, it will become second nature to you, and (you guessed it) your brain will once again go on auto-pilot. Time to switch it up again!