Self-talk

It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life. It’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power. –Robert T. Kiyosaki

The first person to give you feedback is yourself…in the form of self-talk. You have 24/7 access to your internal talk track. Your messaging is unfiltered and brutally honest.

Does unfiltered and honest mean accurate? Does it mean valuable? Not necessarily.

The truth is that no matter how incorrect your self-talk is, or how much you try to ignore it, you are your most trusted advisor. You have the most power over yourself (for better or worse).

Negative self-talk is easy. Bad news travels fast, especially when it doesn’t have to travel.

Positive self-talk is harder, and sometimes difficult to believe. Our positive self-talk can sound a bit crazy, which makes it easier to discount.

Status quo is powered by doubt in our positive self-talk.

The most successful people I know face challenges with self-talk. They happen to believe their positive self-talk just a little more than the negative.

The negative is right there, trying to hold them back. Somehow they’ve found a way to focus on the positive, finding ways to push past their wave of doubt.

They’ve usually found kindred spirits who can help strengthen their positive self-talk. A support network that reinforces their crazy ideas. The best support network doesn’t fully buy-in to the crazy. They merely create an environment where it’s okay to explore the crazy. To bring it out in the open and let it breathe a little.

And, that’s the real secret of self-talk. We all have negative and positive self-talk rolling around in our heads. But, if we can allow the positive to get a little breathing room, that’s usually all it takes to win the internal battle against the negative.

Here’s the challenge: The war between negative and positive is never over. You have to win it one battle at a time.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

Why do parents teach this little quote to their kids? Simple. It’s a one-sentence philosophy that arms each of us against the words others may use to describe us, or worse, to tear us down. We learn from this one sentence that words can’t hurt us.

As a philosophy, it works. But, in practice, it misses a few points.

Words do matter. They inspire, motivate, comfort, and create. They also discourage, disappoint, frustrate, and destroy.

Certain words wield more power than all others. The words we say to ourselves.

We can tell ourselves almost anything, and we will believe it. If we don’t believe at first, we can relentlessly work to convince ourselves. Remember, we’re in our head all the time…unfiltered!

We each have a personal stream of consciousness that narrates our perspective of what’s “really” happening around us, and to us. It’s this continuous chatter of self-talk in our head that drives everything we feel, and everything we do.

The words in our self-talk carry all the power, regardless of what’s happening around us. Imagine you’re a golfer. A professional golfer. Maybe the best golfer in the world. You’ve won major tournaments this season. You’ve outclassed the entire field. And yet, you aren’t satisfied with your results, because they should have been better. You finished second a few too many times this season to let yourself really celebrate your success.

Why? Negative self-talk. Your self-talk is telling you that you aren’t good enough. You don’t deserve all the accolades coming your way. You tell yourself that your short game needs to get a little better if you expect to win again. Each mistake you make is amplified in your head as yet another reason you shouldn’t win. So you stop winning.

Negative self-talk has nothing to do with reality. It only robs energy and happiness. Positive self-talk has nothing to do with reality. It only brings energy and happiness. The reality you perceive, the reality you create, and the way you will ultimately live your life are each dictated by your self-talk.

The words we say to ourselves can and will hurt us. Or…they can lift us, propel us, and bring us happiness.

We get to choose.