Attention – Page 10 – Grandpa Bob Encouraging Leadership

Taking Time to Grieve

Grieving is unavoidable, no matter how busy or tough we think we are.

When someone we love dies, we often hear about the grieving process. We hear that we should take time to grieve. It’s something we can’t skip.

Grieving is unavoidable, no matter how busy or tough we think we are.

I remember when my Grandma Anne died (over twenty years ago). My cousin, Devin, told me about DAWA, the four stages of the grieving process that he’d learned as a policeman:

Denial—we deny that the person has died, or that this is really happening. We may also deny that it’s impacting us emotionally, or deny that we even understand the mix of emotions that are welling-up inside of us.

Anger—we realize this is real. We wonder what we could have done differently. We wonder how something like this could have happened. We may question the justice in the universe, or how God could allow this. Bargaining phrases like, “if only…” come into our mind.

Withdrawal—sometimes the only way to cope with the reality of our loss, and the emotions we can’t control, is to withdraw. This may be within ourselves, or to some place where we can be alone. Denial is giving way to reality. Anger is turning to sadness. We look within ourselves for the strength to overcome our sadness.

Acceptance—we begin to get our head wrapped around what is happening. We start to make peace with this new reality. Acceptance doesn’t mean we’re “over it,” or that there isn’t an irreparable rip in the fabric of our soul. It means we start to understand how to go forward with our life.

It’s easy to list these stages and assume grief is a simple process with a beginning, middle, and end. It doesn’t work that way. Some people never get through all the stages, or, they may cycle through one or more of the stages numerous times. It’s a process without a true endpoint…only the hope of eventual acceptance.

The grieving process applies to more than our loved ones passing away. It can apply to losing just about anything else we love (whether we realize it or not).

Maybe it’s a friend who we don’t get to see anymore, a hobby we can no longer participate in, moving into a new house (and leaving the old one behind), graduating from college and saying goodbye to our friends, losing that job we thought we’d have for many years to come.

It doesn’t matter if we’re the ones driving the change in our life, or if the change is thrust upon us without warning. It doesn’t matter if our loss is a stepping stone that leads us to something even greater (which is often the case).

The loss is real.

And, so is the grieving process.

Your Employees Don’t Work for You

Who works for whom?

The following is an excerpt from my book, Leadership Starts (and Ends) in Your Head…the rest is detail.

Chapter 3. Employees Don’t Work for You

Ask employees to list the things they “work for.” I guarantee managers will not be at the top of that list, if they make the list at all. The following is generally what employees are working for:

To earn a paycheck
To make a living for myself and/or my family
To experience the challenge
To grow
To have fun with my coworkers
To create something bigger than myself
To be a part of an organization that shares my values

Ironically, if you ask a lot of managers to describe their organizations, they will often tell you how many people they have working for them. Really? How is it that employees are working for a whole list of things other than managers, yet managers list how many people are working for them? How can this basic premise of the relationship between management and employees be so disconnected?

Is it just semantics to say that employees don’t work for their managers; they report to their managers? Quite the contrary. It’s critical for managers to realize that their employees merely report to them. Employees take direction, seek motivation, look for clarity, look for support, and often look for permission or forgiveness from their managers. But they don’t work for their managers.

Great managers actually work for their employees. The managers’ focus should be creating environments where their employees, and by extension, their businesses can be successful. This means that managers are, first and foremost, service providers to their employees. Managers are responsible for ensuring that any obstacles to great performance are removed from their employees’ paths. These obstacles may come from outside the organization, or, as is often the case, the biggest obstacles will come from within.

What are some obstacles to great performance? It can be as simple as the climate control in the office. It may be too cold or too hot for employees to concentrate on their work. Employees may be struggling to get their jobs done with faulty or worn-out tools. How about the work environment that has an employee who disrupts the rest of the team or isn’t pulling his or her weight? All of these are examples of issues managers need to be aware of. Not only that, managers need to take swift action to eliminate these barriers to performance, in service to their employees.

And that’s just it, if managers are paying attention to the needs of their employees, they will be able to move quickly to help their employees succeed. After all, an employee’s success is the key to the organization’s success, and, in turn, the manager’s success.

Getting Quiet

Getting quiet can be scary…

It’s easy to focus on all the details of our busy life. The errands we run, the work we do, the people we meet, the things we do for others, the things we do for fun, and occasionally thinking about what’s going on in the world around us.

But, what about when things get quiet? When we listen only to our own thoughts.

Getting quiet can be scary. What’s in there? What’s missing? Where are you going? Do you recognize yourself? Do you like the person you’ve become? What’s important? What do you want from your life?

We can talk ourselves out of just about anything. That includes getting quiet. Here’s a short list, in no particular order, of ways to create some space for quiet time in your (too busy) life:

Turn off the radio (and your cell phone) when you drive.
Purposely wake up about 20-30 minutes earlier than usual…there’s your extra time for quiet.
The next time you’re clicking around the TV channels, click the off button instead.
Take a walk, a run, or a hike…without your cell phone.

How should you spend your quiet time? You decide. It’s your time. Meditate, read inspirational quotes, pray, or sit in silence and give your brain some time to slow down. It may seem a bit awkward at first, but that will pass as you get to know yourself better.

Get quiet. Listen to your thoughts. You might be surprised by what you hear.

But, was it the Most You Could Do?

It’s easy to do your least…

How often do you hear (or say), “It was the least I could do,” in response to someone’s gratitude. Rather than saying, “You are welcome,” or “It was my pleasure,” the gesture’s value is minimized, since it was the least we could do.

It’s easy to do the least. The least amount of work to keep our job. The least amount of studying to ace (or merely pass) the final exam. The minimum exercise to stay in shape (or close enough). The smallest charitable donation to show our support. The minimum level of quality to pass inspection.

The challenge is in defining the most. What is the most you can do?

How about putting in a level of effort and commitment to not just keep your job, but to redefine what your job can be? What’s the level of effort you can put into your studies to not just pass the exam, but to master the topic for your lifetime? What are the limits of your strength and endurance, and where can those limits take you? What can you do to not only support your favorite charity, but multiply your support by engaging others?

When was the last time you focused on the quality of your work, even when you knew few (if any) would see it? The truth is at least one person always sees the work you do. You.

If something is worth your time and attention, treat it that way. Maximize your involvement. Contribute the best version of yourself to the cause. Go all-in, every time.

When you always bring the best version of yourself, the definition of “your best” continually improves.

The Most Important Question…

If the customer is so important, why are urgent things getting in the way?

I’ve found an interesting theme among those I’m coaching lately. When I ask about customers, I get various versions of blanks stares, or platitudes about how they are trying to stay focused on their customer.

Rather than customers, they are usually focused on some sort of internal organizational issue, the latest restructuring project, the next budget presentation, or hitting the number (whatever number it may be). Don’t get me wrong. These are important; at least urgent.

But, this blank stare when it comes to customers is interesting. After all, isn’t the customer why we’re in our business in the first place? We have a product or service that our customers need or want (hopefully both). We may be the only source for our customer. Or, more likely, we’re one of many providers of the products and services they want.

If the customer is so important, why are urgent things getting in the way? Simple. It’s easy to get caught up in the urgent, often internal, issues. Being busy can feel rewarding.

It’s harder to remember that your organization only matters if your customers think it matters.

Sounds harsh, but that’s all there is…you and your customer.

See if you can answer these questions about your customers. Before you jump ahead, there’s one rule. Write your answers in the form of direct quotes from at least five of your customers:

How do your customers use your products and services?
Why do they use your products and services?
How do your products and services make them more successful?
What worries your customers?
What are you doing to help with the things that worry them?
What do they see in their future?
Will you be a valuable part of their future?
How can you help your customer get to their future faster?

And, the most important question of all:

Does your organization really matter to your customer? Why? (Or, why not?)

Questions of Talent

How much time do you spend thinking about the talent in your organization?

Talent is the life blood of any organization. This is easily forgotten as organizations try to remain relevant in a world characterized by nanosecond attention spans.

It doesn’t matter what product or service your organization delivers. Having the right talent in the right places at the right time is the key to your organization’s success.

With so much riding on talent, is it a top priority for you? How much time do you spend thinking about the talent in your organization?

How engaged is the talent in your organization? Do they really care about the mission, or are they just going through the motions, collecting a paycheck?

Do you know who’s ready to move up, who’s moving sideways, and who needs to move out?

What are you doing about it?

What about your own talent? Are you prepared to move up? Do you still fit in your role, or your organization?

Who are you developing to be your replacement?

Are you truly engaged in the mission, or just going through the motions?

If you aren’t fully engaged, it’s time to either move on, or re-commit. Life’s too short to live somewhere in between.

The Presence of a Toddler

Toddlers are the ultimate expression of being present…

I read an article today about the “busyness bubble” that exists in society today. The author described a world where everyone is over-worked, over-stimulated, over-committed, rushing from one place to another, distracted every two minutes by emails, texts, and Twitter and Instagram feeds on their smartphones.

This continuous busyness and distracted lifestyle hampers creativity, and prevents real human connection. There isn’t time to think beyond the next two minutes, the next errand, the next meeting.

Take a walk with a toddler. Trust me, it won’t be a long walk. Watch where they focus. Notice they aren’t worried about their smartphone (since they don’t have one). They have no destination in mind when they start their walk. They’re too busy looking at the pebbles, snail shells, and cracks in the cement to think about anything else. They have no errands to run, no meetings to attend. They aren’t worried about what they said yesterday, or what they’ll be doing tomorrow.

Toddlers are the ultimate expression of being present. Nothing interrupts their train of thought except the next shiny object in front of them. Their walk is a time of new discovery and new experiences.

Busyness is self-inflicted. It’s the result of a series of decisions that we control. Each decision makes sense at the time…or, seems like the only choice we have. We decide to pile commitments on to our schedule. We decide to worry today about next week’s deadline. We decide to dwell on injustices of the past. We decide to look at our phone every two minutes.

Don’t know any toddlers? Take that walk anyway. Leave your phone behind. Count the number of snails you see. Look for the most colorful pebbles. Take some time to smell the roses in your neighbor’s yard. Appreciate the sun’s warmth on your back.

Enjoy the clarity of being present, and enjoy the fulfillment that comes from deciding to be less busy.

The choice is yours.

Being Fazed

How many people do you know who go through life unfazed?

Nothing gets under their skin. Nothing angers them.

They don’t cry…ever. They chuckle, but rarely laugh.

They can’t be bothered with a new or revolutionary idea.

Composure is their primary goal, above all else.

There’s a degree of power that comes from being unfazed. The unfazed person appears to be in control of the situation…almost above what’s happening.

Being unfazed is appropriate, even ideal, in many situations.

But, the opposite is also true.

Consider the fun that can come from real laughter, especially when it’s shared. The emotional cleansing of a good cry, from joy or sadness. That anger and disappointment we feel when we lose can be channeled into breakthrough improvements that help us win next time.

What about being knocked over by the genius of a new idea, or the next big thing (whatever that is)? I recently saw part of a commercial showing a guy talking about a potential investment with his friend saying, “That’s nice, but what can anyone do with only 140 characters?” I don’t remember what the commercial was selling, but we all know now what can be done with only 140 characters.

As I think about the people who inspire me the most, and famous disrupters throughout history, they’re the ones who allowed themselves to be fazed. The great ones channel their fazed-ness into a passionate pursuit of excellence and innovation, helping each of us to do the same things in our own lives…if only we allow ourselves to be fazed.

The Power of Arches

Which part of the arch is most important? Put another way, which part of the arch can we do without?

Evidence of mankind’s use of arches dates back beyond 2000 B.C. The ancient Romans used arches to construct bridges and aqueducts across their empire. Arches made building the most impressive and beautiful churches and temples across the world possible. Arches, in varying forms, continue their reign as a fundamental building block in the 21^st century.

Arches are simple on the surface, but their physics is complex. The curved shape of the arch allows it to resist and transfer a huge amount of compressive force from above to its foundation. This process converts the compressive force into thrust force at the bottom of the arch. The thrust force is managed with reinforcing abutments, buttresses, and other constructs that prevent the thrust forces from crushing the bottom of the arch.

Masonry arches consist of four main parts: the foundation, the pier/impost (sides), the voussoir (the curved part), and the keystone.

Which part of the arch is most important? Put another way, which part of the arch can we do without?

Some would say the arch won’t stand without its keystone at the top. Others might say the sides are most important since they give the arch its height and create the open space that makes arches useful in the first place. Without the voussoir, the arch wouldn’t have its curve. What about all of those thrust forces? With this in mind, clearly the foundation and its abutment structures are the most important part of the arch.

The arch won’t stand unless all of its parts work in unison. Each part of the arch is critical to the success of the other parts. Absence, or weakness, of any part will weaken the arch and could lead to its collapse.

I see the arch as a great metaphor for many of the organizational structures we have today. Families, businesses, charities, governmental entities…to name only a few. All have “arch-like” qualities. All are made up of multiple parts, relying on each other, organized into some type of hierarchy.

Their power comes from creating a strong, protected space where each of us can thrive. Unfortunately, their potential for weakness lies within each of us, whether we’re the foundation, the sides, the voussoir, or the keystone.

The Fallacy of Either-Or Questions

Either we’re a multi-dimensional work-in-progress deciding what’s most important…

Lately, I’ve seen a number of articles and blog posts that discuss the profound choice parents, especially moms, are making when it comes to work in today’s society. I’m not sure how “today’s society” differs from “yesterday’s society” or “tomorrow’s society,” but I’m willing to accept that.

Lots of famous moms have chosen to work, and excel at the work they do. Marissa Meyer, Sheryl Sandberg, and Beyonce Knowles, to name a few. Lots of not-so-famous moms have made the same choice.

Which brings me back to the articles and blog posts on this topic. The prevalent theme of these posts is that moms must decide between parenting and working. If they work, therefore, they aren’t parenting. If they don’t work, therefore, they aren’t going to be fulfilled.

I have no quarrel with either side of the “work or parent” argument (regardless of gender). Each of us gets to make our own choices. I do have a problem with the premise that either you do one thing, or you do the other. This Either-Or premise leaves a lot of dimensions out of life’s equation.

I’m sure everyone who makes the “worker or parent” decision has other important roles in their lives. They may be someone’s spouse, a brother or sister, an aunt or uncle, a grandparent, a tennis player, a backpacker, a writer (perish the thought!), a juggler, a volunteer at the local soup kitchen, a voracious reader, a hot air balloonist, a violinist, and a myriad other things that make up their entire being.

The truth is, we are like diamonds, with the potential for an infinite array of facets. Some of us are uncut, yet others show countless angles from a lifetime of experience. Whether we reflect, deflect, or absorb the light of life, depends solely on how we’ve allowed our journey to shape who we are.

Either we’re a multi-dimensional work-in-progress deciding what’s most important, or we’re a product of “society’s” Either-Or questions. I choose the former.

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