Category: Attention

Getting Quiet

Getting quiet can be scary…

Hillsdale_Lake

It’s easy to focus on all the details of our busy life.  The errands we run, the work we do, the people we meet, the things we do for others, the things we do for fun, and occasionally thinking about what’s going on in the world around us.

But, what about when things get quiet? When we listen only to our own thoughts.

Getting quiet can be scary. What’s in there? What’s missing? Where are you going? Do you recognize yourself? Do you like the person you’ve become? What’s important?  What do you want from your life?

We can talk ourselves out of just about anything. That includes getting quiet. Here’s a short list, in no particular order, of ways to create some space for quiet time in your (too busy) life:

  • Turn off the radio (and your cell phone) when you drive.
  • Purposely wake up about 20-30 minutes earlier than usual…there’s your extra time for quiet.
  • The next time you’re clicking around the TV channels, click the off button instead.
  • Take a walk, a run, or a hike…without your cell phone.

How should you spend your quiet time?  You decide.  It’s your time.  Meditate, read inspirational quotes, pray, or sit in silence and give your brain some time to slow down.  It may seem a bit awkward at first, but that will pass as you get to know yourself better.

Get quiet.  Listen to your thoughts.  You might be surprised by what you hear.

 

 

But, was it the Most You Could Do?

It’s easy to do your least…

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How often do you hear (or say), “It was the least I could do,” in response to someone’s gratitude. Rather than saying, “You are welcome,” or “It was my pleasure,” the gesture’s value is minimized, since it was the least we could do.

It’s easy to do the least. The least amount of work to keep our job. The least amount of studying to ace (or merely pass) the final exam. The minimum exercise to stay in shape (or close enough). The smallest charitable donation to show our support. The minimum level of quality to pass inspection.

The challenge is in defining the most. What is the most you can do?

How about putting in a level of effort and commitment to not just keep your job, but to redefine what your job can be? What’s the level of effort you can put into your studies to not just pass the exam, but to master the topic for your lifetime? What are the limits of your strength and endurance, and where can those limits take you? What can you do to not only support your favorite charity, but multiply your support by engaging others?

When was the last time you focused on the quality of your work, even when you knew few (if any) would see it? The truth is at least one person always sees the work you do. You.

If something is worth your time and attention, treat it that way. Maximize your involvement. Contribute the best version of yourself to the cause. Go all-in, every time.

When you always bring the best version of yourself, the definition of “your best” continually improves.

The Most Important Question…

If the customer is so important, why are urgent things getting in the way?

I’ve found an interesting theme among those I’m coaching lately. When I ask about customers, I get various versions of blanks stares, or platitudes about how they are trying to stay focused on their customer.

Rather than customers, they are usually focused on some sort of internal organizational issue, the latest restructuring project, the next budget presentation, or hitting the number (whatever number it may be). Don’t get me wrong. These are important; at least urgent.

But, this blank stare when it comes to customers is interesting. After all, isn’t the customer why we’re in our business in the first place? We have a product or service that our customers need or want (hopefully both). We may be the only source for our customer. Or, more likely, we’re one of many providers of the products and services they want.

If the customer is so important, why are urgent things getting in the way? Simple. It’s easy to get caught up in the urgent, often internal, issues. Being busy can feel rewarding.

It’s harder to remember that your organization only matters if your customers think it matters.

Sounds harsh, but that’s all there is…you and your customer.

See if you can answer these questions about your customers. Before you jump ahead, there’s one rule. Write your answers in the form of direct quotes from at least five of your customers:

  • How do your customers use your products and services?
  • Why do they use your products and services?
  • How do your products and services make them more successful?
  • What worries your customers?
  • What are you doing to help with the things that worry them?
  • What do they see in their future?
  • Will you be a valuable part of their future?
  • How can you help your customer get to their future faster?

And, the most important question of all:

  • Does your organization really matter to your customer? Why? (Or, why not?)

 

 

Questions of Talent

How much time do you spend thinking about the talent in your organization?

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Talent is the life blood of any organization. This is easily forgotten as organizations try to remain relevant in a world characterized by nanosecond attention spans.

It doesn’t matter what product or service your organization delivers. Having the right talent in the right places at the right time is the key to your organization’s success.

With so much riding on talent, is it a top priority for you? How much time do you spend thinking about the talent in your organization?

How engaged is the talent in your organization? Do they really care about the mission, or are they just going through the motions, collecting a paycheck?

Do you know who’s ready to move up, who’s moving sideways, and who needs to move out?

What are you doing about it?

What about your own talent? Are you prepared to move up? Do you still fit in your role, or your organization?

Who are you developing to be your replacement?

Are you truly engaged in the mission, or just going through the motions?

If you aren’t fully engaged, it’s time to either move on, or re-commit. Life’s too short to live somewhere in between.

 

The Presence of a Toddler

Toddlers are the ultimate expression of being present…

I read an article today about the “busyness bubble” that exists in society today. The author described a world where everyone is over-worked, over-stimulated, over-committed, rushing from one place to another, distracted every two minutes by emails, texts, and Twitter and Instagram feeds on their smartphones.

This continuous busyness and distracted lifestyle hampers creativity, and prevents real human connection. There isn’t time to think beyond the next two minutes, the next errand, the next meeting.

Take a walk with a toddler. Trust me, it won’t be a long walk. Watch where they focus. Notice they aren’t worried about their smartphone (since they don’t have one). They have no destination in mind when they start their walk. They’re too busy looking at the pebbles, snail shells, and cracks in the cement to think about anything else. They have no errands to run, no meetings to attend. They aren’t worried about what they said yesterday, or what they’ll be doing tomorrow.

Toddlers are the ultimate expression of being present. Nothing interrupts their train of thought except the next shiny object in front of them. Their walk is a time of new discovery and new experiences.

Busyness is self-inflicted. It’s the result of a series of decisions that we control. Each decision makes sense at the time…or, seems like the only choice we have. We decide to pile commitments on to our schedule. We decide to worry today about next week’s deadline. We decide to dwell on injustices of the past. We decide to look at our phone every two minutes.

Don’t know any toddlers? Take that walk anyway. Leave your phone behind. Count the number of snails you see. Look for the most colorful pebbles. Take some time to smell the roses in your neighbor’s yard. Appreciate the sun’s warmth on your back.

Enjoy the clarity of being present, and enjoy the fulfillment that comes from deciding to be less busy.

The choice is yours.

Being Fazed

How many people do you know who go through life unfazed?

How many people do you know who go through life unfazed?

Nothing gets under their skin. Nothing angers them.

They don’t cry…ever. They chuckle, but rarely laugh.

They can’t be bothered with a new or revolutionary idea.

Composure is their primary goal, above all else.

There’s a degree of power that comes from being unfazed. The unfazed person appears to be in control of the situation…almost above what’s happening.

Being unfazed is appropriate, even ideal, in many situations.

But, the opposite is also true.

Consider the fun that can come from real laughter, especially when it’s shared. The emotional cleansing of a good cry, from joy or sadness. That anger and disappointment we feel when we lose can be channeled into breakthrough improvements that help us win next time.

What about being knocked over by the genius of a new idea, or the next big thing (whatever that is)? I recently saw part of a commercial showing a guy talking about a potential investment with his friend saying, “That’s nice, but what can anyone do with only 140 characters?” I don’t remember what the commercial was selling, but we all know now what can be done with only 140 characters.

As I think about the people who inspire me the most, and famous disrupters throughout history, they’re the ones who allowed themselves to be fazed. The great ones channel their fazed-ness into a passionate pursuit of excellence and innovation, helping each of us to do the same things in our own lives…if only we allow ourselves to be fazed.

The Power of Arches

Which part of the arch is most important? Put another way, which part of the arch can we do without?

Evidence of mankind’s use of arches dates back beyond 2000 B.C. The ancient Romans used arches to construct bridges and aqueducts across their empire. Arches made building the most impressive and beautiful churches and temples across the world possible. Arches, in varying forms, continue their reign as a fundamental building block in the 21st century.

Arches are simple on the surface, but their physics is complex. The curved shape of the arch allows it to resist and transfer a huge amount of compressive force from above to its foundation. This process converts the compressive force into thrust force at the bottom of the arch. The thrust force is managed with reinforcing abutments, buttresses, and other constructs that prevent the thrust forces from crushing the bottom of the arch.

Masonry arches consist of four main parts: the foundation, the pier/impost (sides), the voussoir (the curved part), and the keystone.

Which part of the arch is most important? Put another way, which part of the arch can we do without?

Some would say the arch won’t stand without its keystone at the top. Others might say the sides are most important since they give the arch its height and create the open space that makes arches useful in the first place. Without the voussoir, the arch wouldn’t have its curve. What about all of those thrust forces? With this in mind, clearly the foundation and its abutment structures are the most important part of the arch.

The arch won’t stand unless all of its parts work in unison. Each part of the arch is critical to the success of the other parts. Absence, or weakness, of any part will weaken the arch and could lead to its collapse.

I see the arch as a great metaphor for many of the organizational structures we have today. Families, businesses, charities, governmental entities…to name only a few. All have “arch-like” qualities. All are made up of multiple parts, relying on each other, organized into some type of hierarchy.

Their power comes from creating a strong, protected space where each of us can thrive. Unfortunately, their potential for weakness lies within each of us, whether we’re the foundation, the sides, the voussoir, or the keystone.

 

The Fallacy of Either-Or Questions

Either we’re a multi-dimensional work-in-progress deciding what’s most important…

Lately, I’ve seen a number of articles and blog posts that discuss the profound choice parents, especially moms, are making when it comes to work in today’s society.  I’m not sure how “today’s society” differs from “yesterday’s society” or “tomorrow’s society,” but I’m willing to accept that.

Lots of famous moms have chosen to work, and excel at the work they do.  Marissa Meyer, Sheryl Sandberg, and Beyonce Knowles, to name a few.  Lots of not-so-famous moms have made the same choice.

Which brings me back to the articles and blog posts on this topic.  The prevalent theme of these posts is that moms must decide between parenting and working.  If they work, therefore, they aren’t parenting.  If they don’t work, therefore, they aren’t going to be fulfilled.

I have no quarrel with either side of the “work or parent” argument (regardless of gender).  Each of us gets to make our own choices.  I do have a problem with the premise that either you do one thing, or you do the other.  This Either-Or premise leaves a lot of dimensions out of life’s equation.

I’m sure everyone who makes the “worker or parent” decision has other important roles in their lives.  They may be someone’s spouse, a brother or sister, an aunt or uncle, a grandparent, a tennis player, a backpacker, a writer (perish the thought!), a juggler, a volunteer at the local soup kitchen, a voracious reader, a hot air balloonist, a violinist, and a myriad other things that make up their entire being.

The truth is, we are like diamonds, with the potential for an infinite array of facets.  Some of us are uncut, yet others show countless angles from a lifetime of experience.  Whether we reflect, deflect, or absorb the light of life, depends solely on how we’ve allowed our journey to shape who we are.

Either we’re a multi-dimensional work-in-progress deciding what’s most important, or we’re a product of “society’s” Either-Or questions.  I choose the former.

Dreaming on Paper

That’s what writing is to me.

That’s what writing is to me. It doesn’t matter if I’m writing a blog post, a book on management (it’s finally finished!), or a fiction story. It’s all living a dream to me.

I rarely remember my real dreams. I may remember an emotion, a fleeting sense of happiness, or fear. But, what happened and who was in my dream? Rarely. I’m sure my subconscious mind has them all catalogued with a nice roadmap explaining their meaning. Writing lets my conscious mind tap into that reservoir, if only briefly.

It’s truly amazing to me how often I’ve started writing about one thing, and something completely different comes out on the paper (or Word file, as the case may be). Unlike regular dreams, I get to see these paper dreams unfold and take shape. I get to be the first person to read what happens in the story.

There’s something special about stories, whether fiction, non-fiction, or opinion. They are always there, waiting to be told, waiting to teach, waiting to challenge what we believe and know to be true. The writer finds a way to show the stories to us. I love uncovering the story.

Jeff Turner recently wrote a post about his writing and concluded, “I’m writing because I like seeing how my thoughts look as they pass through this medium of writing.  And I like standing at a distance and seeing how they look if you choose to allow them to pass through you.”

I couldn’t agree more. As our thoughts develop and pass through the written form, then into the reader’s mind, they engage, energize, and take on a life of their own.

When I opened my writing up for others to see, I learned, firsthand, the way one’s thoughts are received and shaped by others. Many times, someone will tell me about a connection or message they took from a blog post. The meaning they describe is often a bit different from what I had in mind while writing it. At first, I felt compelled to explain my thought process and help them see the “real” message. I quickly learned how wrong this was. The key was that my writing had caused them to think, to consider their own experience, and ascribe their own meaning. That’s all that mattered. Each person makes their own custom-designed interpretation.

They may also find nothing of value in my writing. They don’t connect with it at all. But, then they make a connection to their own thoughts. They take a moment to listen to themselves. They get to know themselves a little better. I’ll take that as a victory, even if they don’t connect to what I’ve written.

Our lives are filled with activities, schedules, distractions, movement, requirements, and reactions. Most of our own making. Cutting through all of this noise is the truest gift of writing—dreaming on paper.

The Joy of Quiet Listening

Were you listening, or merely thinking about your next response?

The world can be a noisy place. It can also be a quiet place.

Consider a street corner in a busy city. The sounds can be overwhelming. Honking horns, revving engines, the crazy person yelling at the sky, pieces of ten conversations you overhear as people pass by, music from that guy’s headphones that are turned up way too high, the beeping of a delivery truck as it backs into a parking space. And yet, there can be quiet, if your mind allows it.

Family gatherings are loud. I’m blessed to be part of a huge family. Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings have forty-plus attendees. At any time, there are two or three kids barreling through, laughing and screaming, a bunch of discussion about how best to prepare and serve the family meal, and a ton of conversations peppered throughout the house. I do my best to add to the noise, but I purposely take time at these gatherings to quiet myself and appreciate the moment. I listen, and enjoy.

It can be the same on a trail run. The sounds of birds chirping, the crunch of the ground, the rustle in the leaves as a critter runs away, the wind whistling through the trees, the buzz of a rattlesnake I just startled (it’s as if a big rattlesnake alarm clock went off this week, alerting all rattlers to wake from hibernation), the music in my Pandora feed (Beach Boys, lately). I stopped running with ear buds long ago, simply so I can hear more of the trail. I still have some music playing, but, it’s in the background. The sounds of the trail, and my own rambling thoughts are what I hear the most on a run.

Consider the last meeting you attended. How many people were in the meeting? Were there side conversations? Was anyone checking their phone or laptop during the meeting? Were real, meaningful, and actionable ideas discussed? Were you the one checking your phone? Were you listening, or merely thinking about your next response? Was anyone listening? Who was the quietest person in the meeting? What did they think? Did you take the time to find out?

Meaningless noise can creep into just about any environment, whether it’s measurable on a decibel meter or not. Meaningful quiet can enter any environment, no matter how much noise there is.

You control the quiet.  You control your listening.

Embrace your silence, and enjoy the power of quiet listening…maybe for the first time.