The Joy of Quiet Listening

Were you listening, or merely thinking about your next response?

The world can be a noisy place. It can also be a quiet place.

Consider a street corner in a busy city. The sounds can be overwhelming. Honking horns, revving engines, the crazy person yelling at the sky, pieces of ten conversations you overhear as people pass by, music from that guy’s headphones that are turned up way too high, the beeping of a delivery truck as it backs into a parking space. And yet, there can be quiet, if your mind allows it.

Family gatherings are loud. I’m blessed to be part of a huge family. Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings have forty-plus attendees. At any time, there are two or three kids barreling through, laughing and screaming, a bunch of discussion about how best to prepare and serve the family meal, and a ton of conversations peppered throughout the house. I do my best to add to the noise, but I purposely take time at these gatherings to quiet myself and appreciate the moment. I listen, and enjoy.

It can be the same on a trail run. The sounds of birds chirping, the crunch of the ground, the rustle in the leaves as a critter runs away, the wind whistling through the trees, the buzz of a rattlesnake I just startled (it’s as if a big rattlesnake alarm clock went off this week, alerting all rattlers to wake from hibernation), the music in my Pandora feed (Beach Boys, lately). I stopped running with ear buds long ago, simply so I can hear more of the trail. I still have some music playing, but, it’s in the background. The sounds of the trail, and my own rambling thoughts are what I hear the most on a run.

Consider the last meeting you attended. How many people were in the meeting? Were there side conversations? Was anyone checking their phone or laptop during the meeting? Were real, meaningful, and actionable ideas discussed? Were you the one checking your phone? Were you listening, or merely thinking about your next response? Was anyone listening? Who was the quietest person in the meeting? What did they think? Did you take the time to find out?

Meaningless noise can creep into just about any environment, whether it’s measurable on a decibel meter or not. Meaningful quiet can enter any environment, no matter how much noise there is.

You control the quiet.  You control your listening.

Embrace your silence, and enjoy the power of quiet listening…maybe for the first time.

Why Oreos and Steaks Matter

I personally never saw the benefit of splitting my Oreos in half, and eating the middle first…

A kid’ll eat the middle of an Oreo cookie, and save the chocolate cookie outside for last…

I personally never saw the benefit of splitting my Oreos in half, and eating the middle first.  Seems like a lot of work.  In fact, the middle is boring without the chocolate cookie, in my humble opinion.

If dissecting the cookie isn’t the best, what’s the best way to eat an Oreo?

If you bite into an Oreo, it’s a challenge to not drop crumbs all over the place.  The cleanest and most effective way to eat an Oreo is in one bite.  Just pop the whole cookie in your mouth and let the taste celebration begin.  To add to the party, take a small sip of milk and let all that flavor mix around as you chew.  Enjoy.

The ideal number of Oreos to eat in one sitting is four…each with one bite, and each with a healthy sip of milk.  Oreo purists will argue that the ideal number is an entire column (purists know what a column is in this context), but that’s a bit much for me.  You’ll have some milk left in the glass after your four cookies, and that’s useful for rinsing everything out of your teeth as you contemplate the goodness of your Oreos.

I always thought it would be fun to eat a few Oreos before a dental hygienist appointment.  I wonder if anyone has actually gone through with this idea.

Steak.  It’s what’s for dinner.

For vegetarians, I apologize in advance…

The smell of steaks on the grill is a little slice of Heaven.  There’s something about the smell of a barbeque grill that permeates a neighborhood.  If your neighbor is cooking steaks, you know it, and you wish you were cooking your own.

Some of the best steakhouses age their beef for thirty, even sixty days.  They say that the longer the aging process, the more tender the meat will be.  I’m not quite so patient.  I’ll give it about three days of aging in the fridge before cooking.

I’ve tried many cuts of beef.  My favorite is the rib eye.  Rub a little olive oil on each side, and then season with Mansmith’s.  Grill it low and slow, about ten minutes on each side for the perfect medium-rare tenderness.  Let the meat rest for a few minutes, and then enjoy with a baked potato and some steamed or sautéed asparagus.  Talk about good eats!

I like nearly every food I’ve tried, except olives and horseradish.  A few favorites come to mind…Salmon.  Eggplant parmesan.  Hot apple pie (with ice cream).  Saag paneer.  Unagi.  Lasagna.  Date shakes.  Vegetarian lamb.  Chocolate chip ice cream.  Chili.  Oatmeal cookies.  Fried chicken.  Carrot cake.  Cornish pasties.  Bacon!

Food is much more than the sustenance we need to live.  It’s more than nutritional value (or lack thereof).  Foods have history.  Many are at the heart of our family traditions.

One thing all foods across the world have in common:  they are best when shared with the people we love.

Explore.  Taste.  Savor.  Share.  Love.  Enjoy!

Unmaking an Oreo:  http://youtu.be/cJyGoGPXTj4

#tbt – Throwback Thursdays

Each #tbt post gives us a glimpse of potential yet to be fulfilled…

It’s fun to see how long (and not grey) our friend’s hair was twenty or thirty years ago…especially if that person has little or no hair now (like me).  It’s neat to see our faces before years of experience (and sun damage) have made their mark.  The clothing styles are always good for a laugh…nice OP shorts, Magnum!

#tbt posts provide a window into who we were, and the things we thought were important.  As we look at a #tbt photo, we know how things turn out for this “stranger” in the picture.  The person in that old photo has years of decisions to make, countless lessons to learn, and many hearts to touch.  Each #tbt post gives us a glimpse of potential yet to be fulfilled.

Look in the mirror.  You get to see your future #tbt photo every day.

What potential do you have that has yet to be fulfilled?  Whose hearts will you touch?  Will you make sound decisions?  What will you learn along the way?  None of us know for certain.

One thing is certain.  Many of the things that seem important today won’t be so important in twenty or thirty years.

Wedding-Day

Your humble writer, on his wedding day in July, 1988.

Blindness and Elephants

The story of the blind men and the elephant originated in India.

elephant

The story of the blind men and the elephant originated in India.  It then spread across the world and through history in various versions.  Here’s the main story line:

Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, “Hey, there is an elephant in the village today.”  They had no idea what an elephant was. They decided, “Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway.”

“Hey, the elephant is a pillar,” said the first man, who touched his leg.

“Oh, no! It’s like a rope,” said the second man, who touched the tail.

“Oh, no! It’s like a thick branch of a tree,” said the third man, who touched the trunk of the elephant.

“It’s like a big hand fan” said the fourth man, who touched the ear of the elephant.

“It’s like a huge wall,” said the fifth man, who touched the belly of the elephant.

“It’s like a solid pipe,” said the sixth man, who touched the tusk of the elephant.

They began to argue about the elephant and each of them insisted that he was right. It looked like they were getting agitated.  A wise man was passing by and saw this.  He stopped and asked them, “What is the matter?”

They said, “We cannot agree what the elephant is like.” Each one of them told what he thought the elephant was like.

The wise man calmly explained to them, “All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently is that each of you touched a different part of the elephant.”

What part of the elephant are you holding onto?

Are you willing to listen to the way others describe the elephant?

Are you aware of your blindness?

Things I Learned in China

Our China trip is what I’d call the “TV highlights tour.”

If my count is correct, I’ve visited seventeen countries, so far.  There’s no better way to learn about a country than being on the ground in that country.  First-hand knowledge cuts away the spin, partial news coverage, opinion, conjecture, half-truths, urban legend, and other forms of information we carry as “truth” about our fellow travelers on this planet.

Visiting foreign countries is also an exercise in adjustment.  There’s jetlag, and the obvious language barriers to overcome (even in countries with English as their official language).  There are differing customs, different transportation rules and systems, differing levels of sanitation, new foods, new spices, hardly any ice (what’s up with that?), and living conditions that range from squalor to opulence.

Each country has its own rich history.  The local people we’ve met are proud of their country and their way of life.  They’re always curious about how we live in the US, our customs, our landmarks, our system of government.  They, like us, have a sprinkling of knowledge about the world outside of their country and are eager to gain a deeper understanding through their visitors’ perspectives.

Our China trip is what I’d call the “TV highlights tour.”  If you were to queue a video montage of famous cities and landmarks in China, our tour hit many of them:  In Beijing, we visited The Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square, Lama Temple, The Great Wall, and the Olympic National Stadium (Bird’s Nest).  In Xi’an, we visited The Terra Cotta Warriors, and The (leaning) Wild Goose Pagoda.  In Shanghai, we visited The Bund (waterfront), The Shanghai Museum, and Nanjing Road.  We also took a river cruise on the Huang Po River that runs through Shanghai.  We rounded out our tour with a road trip to Suzhou (the “Venice of the Orient”).  We attended some dinner shows, featuring traditional music and dance, and incredible acrobatics.

China’s airports are awesome.  I dreaded the idea of taking two in-country flights in a seven-day period.  That wouldn’t be a picnic in the US, and I assumed (incorrectly) that it would be worse in China.  The customs process, the flight and baggage check-in, and the baggage claim processes were incredibly efficient.  Shanghai has two airports.  We flew into one, and out the other.  Both were huge, efficient, and well-planned.  It probably helps that all the airports we visited were built within the last 15 years, so they have all the latest design and technology concepts built-in.

We have over 400 photos and a couple hours of video, showing nearly every angle of the places we visited.  The lessons from our China trip run much deeper than what’s captured in our photos.

The massive urbanization that has occurred in China over the past twenty years is amazing.  Nearly 400 million people have moved from the countryside and into cities across China (that’s about 80 million more people than we have in the US).  Billions of square feet of real estate, massive new roadways, tunnels, bridges, railway systems, subway systems, sewer systems, electricity generation, and all the other infrastructure required to support this massive migration have been developed over the past two decades.  More accurately, all of it is still a work-in-process, since the migration continues.

In each city, the skyline is filled with skyscrapers and tower cranes.  I stopped counting tower cranes at about 50 (on our first day in China).  Everywhere we looked, commercial or residential skyscrapers were under construction.  Single-family houses are a rare sight, something we only saw in a small section of Shanghai.  People live mostly in high-rise apartment buildings.  “Pods” of 25 high-rise apartment buildings, spanning many city blocks, are common.  Imagine the entire Los Angeles basin filled with 30-plus-story buildings, instead of just the skyscrapers in the downtown section, and you start to get an idea of how massively sprawling Beijing, Shanghai, and even Xi’an are.

Some statistics may help illustrate just how massive China’s cities are.  The total population in China is 1.35 billion.  The total population in the US is 317.5 million.  The population in Beijing is about 21 million; Shanghai, 23 million; Xi’an, 9 million.  The population in New York, NY is 8.4 million; Los Angeles, 4 million; Chicago, 2.8 million.  One other interesting statistic:  there are more people in China who speak English than there are in the US.

Our guides in each city told us about the huge growth of their cities, and the dramatic improvements in the standard of living across China.  Their apartments average 500-700 square feet.  Our guide in Xi’an talked about how her first apartment, in 1990, didn’t have a bathroom or a kitchen, and yet she and her husband found a way to raise their new son in that environment.  Now she and her husband, and their 24-year old son, live in a 1,000 square foot, 3-bedroom apartment, with two bathrooms.  She beamed with pride while describing such a luxurious apartment and said that she hopes her son will be able to keep living there after she and her husband die.

The government owns all land in China.  Long-term leases allow people to make use of the land.  The lease duration is dependent upon the type of use.  For instance, for urban residential real estate development, lease durations of 75 years are available.  This allows a developer to build a residential apartment building, and then rent or sell the units to private parties.

Citizens used to get annual vouchers strictly allocating the amount of meat, butter, and other products they could buy per year.  Goods and services can now be purchased without government vouchers.  China’s huge economic growth makes goods and services much more readily available to its population.  The only requirement is having enough money to make the purchases.

Car license plates are rewarded by lottery.  If you are lucky enough to win the lottery, you then pay the fee (in the thousands of dollars) for the license plate.  Once you have the license plate, you can shop for a car.  A Canadian ex-pat in Shanghai told us there is a healthy black market for license plates, and that it isn’t uncommon for the plate to be as expensive as the car itself.

March, 2014 is a happy time across China.  The one-child policy that has been the law of the land since about 1979, is being softened.  Violating the one-child policy brings heavy fines to the parents, equaling about 2 ½ times their annual salary.  With the new, softer policy, if you or your spouse are only-children in your parent’s family, you can apply to have a second child, 3-4 years after your first child is born.

We heard consistently about one of the many unintended consequences of the one-child policy.  Consider that each child has two parents, and two sets of grandparents who make that one child the center of their universe.  That one child carries the hopes and dreams of their parents, and their grandparents.  With no siblings and very few (if any) cousins, sharing isn’t part of the child’s upbringing.  Spoiled, un-sharing children is the result, and represents the newest generation of young adults in China.

Ironic that a Communist system that purports to be about fully-shared (communal) ownership created a new generation of citizens who have little experience sharing anything, communally or otherwise.

On our first full day in Beijing, we visited Tiananmen Square.  Our guide pointed out that Tiananmen Square is similar to The Mall in Washington, D.C.  It’s where their government officials from around the country meet for two weeks each year.  The square has numerous monuments to the history of new China (since Chairman Mao rose to power in 1949).

As we prepared to exit the bus, our guide’s voice changed tone.  She told us that there are cameras and listening devices everywhere in the square, and that many of the tourists we’d see are actually undercover police or government officials.  She asked us not to ask her where the tank was, or about the protest that took place there.  She officially doesn’t know anything about the protests.  She only knows about it from tourists like us, talking about what happened in 1989.

It’s true.  There are monuments and flags in Tiananmen Square, similar to our Mall in Washington, D.C.  But, that’s where the similarities stop.  As I looked at the monuments, mostly depicting Chairman Mao and the government’s control over the people of China, I couldn’t help contrast that theme to the theme of the monuments in Washington.

We have monuments to many of our Founders as well.  Each monument is not only a tribute to the person, but to a belief system that our greatness comes from freedom and liberty.  Ours is a government of the people, by the people, for the people…not a government whose greatness comes from its control over the governed.  Tiananmen Square is vast, treeless, and austere.  One can’t help but feel insignificant in comparison to the government buildings surrounding the square.

We asked about traveling outside of China.  Two of our three guides had done so.  Both had traveled to the US.  They aren’t allowed to travel with their family.  At least one family member must remain in China while the other is traveling abroad.  They are required to put about $15,000 in an escrow account prior to leaving China.  The funds are returned when the traveler returns.  They are warned that if they choose to remain in another country, their family members will be punished financially, and could lose their jobs.     

I learned quickly what it means to use a restricted and censored internet.  Email worked, but FaceBook, Twitter, YouTube, and Google are all heavily restricted, especially if accessed via a Wi-Fi connection.  I found that if I randomly flipped my phone out of airplane mode while in the cities, FaceBook would “work” about half the time.  I had 90 seconds to post an update or a quick photo.  Then, it would stop working.  Apparently, 90 seconds is the amount of time it took for the censoring protocol to find my phone and shut down the app’s update capability.

China is amazing.  The sheer scale of their development over the past two or three decades is unbelievable.  The people are warm and friendly (as long as they aren’t driving a car, motor scooter or bicycle where you’re trying to walk…pedestrians apparently do not have the right of way, even if your light is green).  The locals we met have the same hopes and dreams for their future that we do.  They want to have a rewarding job, enjoy their life, spend time with their families, and see their children (child) have a better life than they’ve had.

I’ve never visited a country that lacks most of the basic freedoms I take for granted.  China has rapidly “westernized” their economy and their culture, on the surface.  However, they are fundamentally walking a tightrope between the freedoms required to drive their economic growth, and the strict controls and structures of a Communist state.

I can’t help wondering what China will look like twenty years from now.  Will their urbanization continue at the same pace?  What will the “softer” one-child policy mean for the next generation of Chinese?  Will the quasi-freedoms associated with capitalist economic expansion propel the country toward real freedom in the future?  Can China continue to operate one way on the surface, while controlling its population with a velvet-covered fist, beneath that surface?

These questions about China’s future make me think of similar questions for the US.  What will we look like twenty or thirty years from now?  Will we enjoy the same freedoms and liberties that we have today?

Full story of Tank Man from a PBS FrontLine episode in 2006:  http://youtu.be/HNtA8RZ1FAA

No travelogue would be complete without some photos:

Tiananmen_Monument

mao_photo

Tiananmen Square

Great_Wall

Great_Wall_Selfie

The Great Wall

Beijing_Hotel_View

View from our hotel in Beijing

Terra_Cotta_Warriors

Terra Cotta Warriors

Bund_Panorama

Panorama of the Shanghai Waterfront (The Bund)

Old_New

Old and New in Shanghai (second tallest building in the world nearly completed)

Venice_Orient

Suzhou (Venice of the Orient)…branding is a little ahead of reality

Start Anywhere!

Nike’s Just Do It™ slogan was born in an advertising agency meeting in 1988…

According to Wikipedia, Nike’s Just Do It™ slogan was born in an advertising agency meeting in 1988.

For Nike, these words helped propel the company from $877 million in revenue in 1988 to $9.2 billion by 1998.  In 2013, Nike’s revenue was $25.3 billion.

Three simple words.

Of course, it isn’t the words alone.  It’s the call to action implied in these words:

  • Want to run a marathon?  Just do it!
  • Want to run a triathlon?  Just do it!
  • Want to play tennis?  Just do it!
  • Want to learn to oil paint?  Just do it!
  • Want to write?  Just do it!
  • Want to race motorcycles?  Just do it!
  • Want to develop an iPhone app?  Just do it!
  • Want to explore the world?  How about China (where I am this week)?  Just do it!
  • Want to hike the Appalachian Trail?  Just do it!
  • Want to own your own business?  Just do it!
  • Want to try living in New York City (in the winter!)?  Just do it!
  • Want to start a charity to help wounded veterans?  Just do it!
  • Want to build your own house?  How about a tree house?  Just do it!

Three simple words.

Not to be outdone, and to inspire not only Apple employees, but customers they didn’t yet have, Apple came up with a two-word slogan in 1997:  Think Different™.

Two words, grammar error notwithstanding.  Again, it isn’t the words, but the call to action.  If you want to create a new and interesting future, Think Different today.

Think Different.  Just Do It.

To these, I’d add two more words:

Start Anywhere!

Think Different.  Just Do It.  Start Anywhere!

How about two more:  Start today!

Ode to the Rusty Chain

It used to be important. Its strength was unquestionable.

Ever noticed it sitting there, sometimes coiled neatly, but usually just piled in a corner?  It used to be important.  Its strength was unquestionable.  Its purpose was clear.

Now it sits, out of sight, and out of mind.  It waits for a call to action that will never come.  Many of its links are bent and twisted.  Rust has taken its shine and luster.  Time has sapped its strength.

The rusted chain rests.  Its inevitable return to Nature has begun.

It has no memories.  Its time and experience will add no wisdom.  It has no strength of character.  No moral values to impart.  No lessons to teach.  Nothing to pass on to future generations.

It is, after all, just a chain.

Thinking about Redemption

“It comes down to a simple choice, get busy living, or get busy dying.”

If I’m flipping around the TV and happen to fall on The Shawshank Redemption, I stop what I’m doing and watch.  It may just be starting.  Andy is erroneously convicted of murdering his wife.  Or, it could be in the middle, as Andy and Red’s lifelong friendship is building.  It could be the end as Andy makes his triumphant escape by climbing out of the hole he dug in his cell and swimming down a 500-yard sewer pipe to freedom.  Doesn’t matter, I’m in until the end.  

I could go on about all the nuances of the plot, the symbolism, the character development, and the thematic genius of the movie, but I won’t.  Well, maybe just a little.

I’m focused on one quote from the movie:

“It comes down to a simple choice, get busy living, or get busy dying.”

Throughout the movie, Andy Dufresne is hit with life-crushing challenges.  He takes each hit, feels overwhelmed, and even mourns being the victim.  He then gets up, dusts himself off, and takes control.  He decides to get busy living.  The alternative is unacceptable.

His redemption isn’t just his ultimate escape from the prison, but the redemption all of the people he touches along the way.  Andy brings a new perspective to everyone around him.  He helps the other prisoners find their own value.  He sets in motion a long, and silent, quest for justice.  Even as a prisoner, he controls the direction of his life, and his own redemption.  It isn’t the world around him, but the world within him that points the way.

Each of us get to make choices…every day:

Make progress, or make excuses.

Add value, or take it away.

Be an asset, or a liability.

Build trust, or erode it.

Help, or hinder.

Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

I don’t know the full definition of redemption, but I’m sure it lies in these choices.

Your Future Called…Here’s 10 Things You Should Know

People will dictate the future. It won’t be a poll, the Internet, social media, or some secret government agency.

Not_Judging

  1. The future will start, as always, with ideas.  The ideas that become reality will be those that capture the imagination of strangers, most never knowing the origin of the ideas they now “own” emotionally.
  2.  

  3. People will dictate the future.  It won’t be a poll, the Internet, social media, or some secret government agency.  People, acting in the pursuit of their own self-interest, will decide with their votes at the ballot box, and the way they choose to spend their dollars.
  4.  

  5. Nothing predicts your future better than your own attitude and expectations.
  6.  

  7. The future belongs to those with personal motivation, determination, and a willingness to fail in pursuit of success.
  8.  

  9. Your future is finite, just like everyone else’s.  Enjoy today as your prepare to greet tomorrow.
  10.  

  11. 99.9999% of your success will happen when you open yourself to helping others succeed first.  Of course, you already know that since you listen to Zig Ziglar.
  12.  

  13. The mark you leave on the world starts and ends with those closest to you.  Everything else is a bonus.
  14.  

  15. Learn to teach and you will never stop learning, or helping others.  This is closely related to number 6.
  16.  

  17. You are the only arbiter and defender of your core values.  Think about your core values, understand why you have them, and live them to the fullest, every day.
  18.  

  19. History continues to find its way into the future.  Study history.  Study the people who drove history.  Learn the lessons history provides like your future depends on it…because it does.
  20.  

What’s Your Personal Net Promoter Score?

Consistent excellence (awesomeness) drives higher NPS…

A customer is the most important visitor on our premises.  He is not dependent on us.  We are dependent on him.  He is not an interruption to our work.  He is the purpose of it.  He is not an outsider to our business.  He is a part of it.  We are not doing him a favour by serving him.  He is doing us a favour by giving us the opportunity to do so.

–Mahatma Gandhi

By now, you’ve probably heard the term Net Promoter Score (NPS).  It’s a system that focuses on the answer to one simple question:

On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is not likely and 10 is very likely, would you recommend this company/product/service to a friend or colleague?

That’s it.  One question that sums up a customer’s entire experience…and also measures their loyalty.  A person who responds with a 9 or 10 is a promoter, 7’s and 8’s are passive, and 1-6 is a detractor.

Promoters are not only loyal buyers, but they go out of their way to spread the good news about a company they like.

Passives are just that, passive.  Their loyalty is weak…a fair-weather friend.  They can be swayed easily to switch to another company if an alternative presents itself.

Detractors will go out of their way to spread bad news about a company.  They’ve had a bad experience, and are happy to tell everyone about it.

Thousands of companies monitor their NPS.  Perennially high NPS companies include Apple, Starbucks, Nordstrom, USAA, Amazon, and Trader Joe’s.  Each invests time, energy, and money to deliver excellence, above all else, to their customers.

Consistent excellence (awesomeness) drives higher NPS.

How much time are you investing in your personal NPS?  Are you paying attention to the impact you have on those around you?  Are you consistently delivering excellence to those you care about the most?

How would the people you serve (family, friends, co-workers, employees, managers, strangers) answer this question about you:

On a scale of 1-10 where 1 is not likely, and 10 is very likely, would you recommend ______your name here_______ to a friend or colleague?

More importantly, how do you answer this question about yourself?