Lessons – Grandpa Bob Encouraging Leadership

Tacos and Time Travelers…a Dinner Conversation About the Future (and Everything That Matters)

The other night, over a casual taco dinner, one of my grandkids hit me with a question I wasn’t expecting.

“Grandpa, how old will you be in the year 2100?”

Without missing a beat, I shot back, “Nearly 140. Way too old to still be around!”

I may have been off by a few years, but we all agreed: the odds are stacked against me making it to 2100.

Then we started doing the math together, and that’s where things got interesting. They’ll be in their 90s by then. Their children and grandchildren—my great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren—will be alive and thriving in that future world. A reminder that we’re part of something much bigger. Connected to the past, but carried forward by those who will come long after we’ve gone.

“Okay, but how old will you be in 2050?”

That one felt closer, more real. “Well,” I said, “not quite 90, but almost. And you’ll be under 50.”

“What will we be doing in 2050, Grandpa?”

That’s a question only they can answer. I won’t pretend to know. I hope I’m there for at least part of it. I hope I get to laugh with them, to listen, to remind them where they came from, and to cheer them on wherever they’re headed.

Our conversation turned into something more than tacos and timelines. We started talking about how every generation builds on what came before. We carry what we’ve learned from our parents and grandparents, along with our own experiences, and hand all of that to our children and grandchildren. And they, in turn, will do the same.

Their children, my great-grandchildren, aren’t here yet, but I already have high hopes for them. I look forward to holding them, hearing their stories, and watching them discover the world just as their parents are starting to do today.

I hope they’ll learn the big things:

-How a starry sky can quiet our soul.

-How to throw and catch with confidence (it’s baseball season, so this one is top of mind right now).

-How warm and magical a campfire can be…and that S’mores taste better when your hands are sticky.

-How good it feels to help without being asked.

-How to sit quietly with someone we love and say nothing at all.

-How to cheer for someone else, even when the spotlight isn’t ours.

-The peace that comes from a walk in the woods or along a sandy shore.

But I also know they’ll learn things I’ll never understand. Things I can’t even imagine. And that’s exactly as it should be.

My deepest hope is that they’ll carry forward the timeless lessons. That love matters more than being right. That kindness isn’t weakness. That telling the truth is not only brave, but also the only way.

And that family stories are worth retelling…especially the funny ones.

So, here’s to future taco dinners, to great-grandkids I haven’t met, and to the storytellers of tomorrow.

May they keep the best of us within them always.

A Poem for My Grandkids

We sat with tacos, our chips in hand,
When you asked a question I hadn’t planned.
“Grandpa, will you still be here in 2100?”
“Not likely,” I laughed, “I’d be too old by then.”

And then we wondered who’ll be around,
Your kids and theirs, with dreams unbound.
Building a world we won’t see,
Carrying forward the best from you and from me.

We talked of shooting stars and catching balls,
Of S’mores by the fire and the night’s gentle call.
Of helping for nothing, of walking alone,
And learning to love with a heart fully grown.

You’ll learn things I’ll never know,
With gadgets and wonders I can’t imagine.
Even so, I hope what we’ve lived still finds its place,
In stories you tell with a smile on your face.

Here’s to the moments that grow into more,
To questions and memories, and tales we explore.
May love be your guide in all that you do,
And may our stories stay with you, and echo on through time.

p/c – That’s Charlie (in the cowboy hat) and Marcus from a few years ago, perfecting their marshmallow roasting techniques.

Leaving on Time, the Next Higher Gear, and Traction: A few lessons Uncle Denby taught me

Most of my childhood outside of school is a blur of off-road riding and racing (and lots of water skiing, but that’s another story).

We were either preparing to ride, camping in the desert to ride, racing in the desert (although I didn’t race nearly as much as everyone else), or providing pit support for others who were racing.

By the time I was about 10 years old, Uncle Denby (my dad’s younger brother) had become a serious racer in Baja. By the time I was about to enter high school, he was racing for Team Honda in Baja. The Hilltoppers, the motorcycle club my dad and Uncle Denby belonged to (that I’d join a little later) put on annual Grand Prix races in Rosarito Beach.

Between the Baja racing, pre-running trips, adventure riding to Mike’s Sky Ranch and San Felipe, and numerous trips to Rosarito Beach to set up the race each year, we were in Baja a lot. I remember watching the Dallas “who shot JR” episode on a small television in a hotel bar in Rosarito Beach.

All of this meant I got to ride with Uncle Denby regularly. He was always ready. His bike was perfectly tuned. His gear was impeccably organized. He was dialed in. He expected everyone around him to be as dialed in as he was.

For most Baja rides, we had a scheduled time for departure. Maybe at first light, or 7:30am. To Uncle Denby, this meant we’d be putting our bikes in gear and leaving at the scheduled departure time. Not putting gas in our bikes, trying to find our goggles, or figuring out why our backpack wouldn’t fit right. He’d say, “Do all of that on your own time. If you need an hour to get ready, wake up early and get it done.”

Since I rarely knew where we were going, and Uncle Denby was usually leading the way, I quickly learned to be fully ready with my bike idling at departure time. I operate this way today, even though I haven’t ridden a motorcycle in decades.

Whoops are a fact of life in off-road riding. These are undulations in the trail caused by countless vehicles digging a little bit of dirt and relocating it to the top of the whoop behind it as they race by. Certain sections of the California desert where we used to ride are notorious for miles of 2-3 foot (or larger) whoops. Sections of Baja are similarly whooped-out.

I struggled with whoops. I don’t know anyone who likes riding whoops, but some people can fly through them. That wasn’t me. Lucky for me, Uncle Denby happened to come up behind me in a whoop section. He had stopped to help someone else, so I and many others in our group got ahead of him on the trail. Once he was back on his bike, it didn’t take him long to catch me.

This time, he didn’t pass. He stayed behind me for a couple of miles. Then he rolled on the throttle and went right by me, smooth as ever. When we regrouped for gas a while later, he came over and asked me what gear I was in when he came past. I was in third gear, maybe three-quarter throttle.

He said I was riding in too low of a gear. I needed to work on riding the next higher gear if I wanted to find a smooth way through the whoops. He told me he was watching me ride and getting exhausted for me. He could tell that I was working way too hard. Moving to the next higher gear at half-throttle would get me on top of the whoops with more speed and reduce my workload on the bike.

None of this was obvious to me, but second nature to Uncle Denby. Later that day, we came up to another (shorter) section of whoops. I eased into fourth gear and carried a lot more smoothness into the section. The whoops were still challenging, but not nearly as hard as before…and I was moving at a much higher pace. I was conserving energy and riding faster (and safer) by clicking up one gear.

Something else about that next higher gear…traction. Ride in too low of a gear, especially on a two-stroke, and your back tire has a tough time staying stuck to the ground. Forward motion is all about smooth and consistent traction. If your power isn’t making it to the ground, you’re not moving. A spinning rear tire isn’t taking you anywhere. Everything is working hard, but nothing is happening.

We had another riding day, this time out on the Rosarito Beach Grand Prix course. We rode most of the loop together. The course had lots of high-speed sections and fast turns. We were having a great time, riding wheel-to-wheel. Obviously, he could have left me in the dust, but he pushed me at my pace and showed me how to brake before the turns, and then accelerate out to maintain the most speed and control.

Yet another aspect of traction. No traction, no turning. If you’re on the brakes in the turn, you don’t have the same traction and control as you do if you’re accelerating out of the top of the turn. Timing when to get off the gas, when to brake, and when to accelerate made all the difference in the world.

Something else Uncle Denby taught me that day.

I was sad to hear that Uncle Denby passed away last night. He battled a tough disease for quite some time.

I will always treasure the lessons he taught me. He probably thought he was teaching his nephew how to ride a motorcycle faster and smoother.

But he was really teaching me how to dial myself in, how to find the next gear, and how to maintain proper traction in all situations.

Godspeed, Uncle Denby, and thank you for riding with me.

What is your favorite quote?

I’m working on an autobiography of sorts. It’s a compilation of my answers to a series of questions. There are about 75 of them that act as prompts. Here are some examples:

Tell me about your childhood home.
What were your school days like?
What was your favorite fashion trend when you were a kid?
How did you meet your spouse?

The idea is that my kids and grandkids and anyone else who’s interested can learn more about my life as they read through my answers to these questions. It’s been a fun project that I’ve been working on over the past 3-4 months.

I just finished answering this question and thought I’d share my answer here:

Can you share a favorite quote or saying of yours?

Life is a journey, not a destination.

I’m not sure who said this first. It’s something I said for years before learning that it was a famous quote from someone else. Turns out there are posters and artwork that you can buy that highlight this quote. Maybe I saw the quote decades ago and it lived in my subconscious mind until later in life.

I don’t have anything against goal setting or visualizing a future and going after it. But it’s important to avoid having tunnel vision in your pursuit of goal achievement since you may miss other opportunities and experiences that introduce themselves along the way.

I’m reminded of a drawing of a stickperson on a ladder. They are locked in on their goal: reaching the top of that ladder before anyone else. This person even jumps over someone and kicks another person off the ladder in their effort to reach the top first. When this person finally reaches the top, they find that the ladder doesn’t actually lead anywhere. Their ladder is standing in the air and not leaning against anything.

The lesson is to make sure the ladder you’re climbing is going somewhere you really want to go.

When you reach your goal, no matter how lofty and difficult it was to achieve, you are merely at a new starting point or more accurately, you’ve made it to one of an infinite number of stops in your life-long journey.

The real goal should be to maximize your enjoyment of the journey itself. To appreciate the small things that happen, the surprises, the diversions, the successes and the failures, the people you meet, and the places you get to experience along the way.

Life is that thing that happens while you’re busy making other plans.

This one is closely related to the first quote. Life is a series of “nows” that are happening in real-time. You can make plans, point yourself in a particular direction, and even tell yourself that you’re in control of all the things that are happening in your life (spoiler alert – you’re not in control of all the things, you only control your response to all the things).

The time to start something new or something that will improve your life is always six months ago. While you’re busy talking about your future, it’s already happening. That thing you’re thinking about doing today but procrastinating while you do more planning will become that thing you should have done six months ago.

Plans are valuable, and you should have a broad plan with some key pillars that you can stand on throughout your life. It’s equally important to avoid hiding behind the planning phases of your life and forgetting to live your life purposely. It turns out that life’s happening anyway, so you might as well live it proactively and not reactively.

These are the good times.

The shortened version of this among friends is, “Good times.” Meaning these are the good times we’ll look back on fondly when we get older. No matter how screwed up something is, or how hard the thing you’re doing right now is, or how much you just failed… all of it will be lumped into your mind and memory as “good times” from your past.

In fact, some of your worst life experiences or life failures might even become the fondest memories you share in the future. You might reflect on how great something was, or how it was good that you had that failure or that heartbreak so you could apply what you learned later in life.

It’s unfortunate that we usually don’t realize this when these things are happening to us in the present.

More Than a Few Lessons…

I turned 50 a while back. Although it’s just a number, it’s a big milestone. Hopefully, it’s a halfway point. During my first 50 years, I’ve learned some things and here they are in no particular order:

The quest for the Holy Grail is all about the quest, and less about the Grail.

Soft tissue injuries are much harder to get over than you think.

Execution is all about preparation. Prepare well, and you’ll be able to execute when called upon. Wing it and your execution will be a crap shoot.

Preparation is difficult and requires discipline. Building and maintaining discipline is one of the greatest challenges in life.

No matter how smart, strong, tough, fast, or independent you think you are. You aren’t.

Nearly everything is easier said than done.

Just because you can watch someone do something doesn’t mean you know anything about what it takes to actually do that thing.

Doing is the key to enjoying. Stop talking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop procrastinating. Stop making excuses. As Nike said so well, Just Do It! You’ll probably suck at it at first, but so does everyone else.

The real “99% and 1%?” Ninety-nine percent of people will try something, suck at it, and quit. One percent will continue the struggle (see discipline above), and incrementally improve. They may even continue long enough to become a master at it. Another variant: only one percent will try something, and the other ninety-nine percent will focus on explaining why they can’t or won’t.

Whenever I’ve become the most anxious in life, I usually realize that I’ve skipped exercise or going outside to play for more than a week (it happens more often than I care to admit!). Exercising and playing are the best ways to build a foundation of clarity and calm.

Another thing I’ve noticed when I’m most anxious is that I’ve probably pushed gratitude out of my mind. When your mind is filled with gratitude, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for other things like anger, frustration, or negativity (this also happens more often than I’d like).

Vacations are nice. Travel is nice. Seeing exotic places is nice. But, there’s nothing like creating a life at home that doesn’t require a vacation for happiness. Vacations should be icing on the cake.

Every person who lives in the US should spend at least two weeks in a foreign country…preferably when they’re young. That way, the lessons they take away from the experience can be applied early in their life. Something I’ve found from traveling to at least 10 (maybe more) foreign countries is that the US is like Disneyland. Even compared to modern and thriving countries, the standard of living in the US is noticeably higher. It is easy to take all these differences for granted, or to be truly ignorant of them…until you spend time in a foreign country.

Tom Petty had it right: The waiting is the hardest part. Everything in life takes longer than you plan in your head. That’s probably because we plan and think in our head for a long time before we spring our thoughts on the “world.” Or, things just really do take a lot longer than we think they should.

Jobs become obsolete (and so do certain companies). People don’t (and neither do companies) unless they allow it.

The best way to avoid obsolescence? Continuous learning. Continuous exploration. Saying yes more.

Save early and often in your life. Those savings will yield a huge amount of freedom later in your life.

In the struggle between service and earnings, choose service every time.

The most beautiful sound in Nature is uncontrolled laughter.

The most beautiful sight in Nature is the smiling eyes of someone you love.

Photo Credit: Unsplash–Massimo Mancini

#tbt – Throwback Thursdays

Each #tbt post gives us a glimpse of potential yet to be fulfilled…

It’s fun to see how long (and not grey) our friend’s hair was twenty or thirty years ago…especially if that person has little or no hair now (like me). It’s neat to see our faces before years of experience (and sun damage) have made their mark. The clothing styles are always good for a laugh…nice OP shorts, Magnum!

#tbt posts provide a window into who we were, and the things we thought were important. As we look at a #tbt photo, we know how things turn out for this “stranger” in the picture. The person in that old photo has years of decisions to make, countless lessons to learn, and many hearts to touch. Each #tbt post gives us a glimpse of potential yet to be fulfilled.

Look in the mirror. You get to see your future #tbt photo every day.

What potential do you have that has yet to be fulfilled? Whose hearts will you touch? Will you make sound decisions? What will you learn along the way? None of us know for certain.

One thing is certain. Many of the things that seem important today won’t be so important in twenty or thirty years.