Author: Bob Dailey

Bob Dailey. Born and raised in Southern California...now in Oklahoma. Graduated from (and met my future wife at) Cal Poly Pomona, in 1988. Married to Janet 37-plus years. Father of two: Julianne and Jennifer.  Grandfather of 9! Held many leadership positions in small, medium, and large companies (and even owned a company for about 7 years). Tractor operator, competitive stair climber, camper, off-roader, occasional world traveler, sometimes mountain biker, and writer.

Discuss or Defend?

The search for alignment, a conclusion, a decision, or an all-out victory often trumps everything else…

Discussing involves active listening.  Curiosity.  Openness.  It requires genuine interest in ideas, even if they contradict your own.

Defending involves taking and holding a position.  Looking for openings to argue against another idea.  Preparing your response, while you should be listening.

Discussing takes time.  Discussing requires courtesy, respect, and patience.  Defending, not so much.

Most discussions we see on TV, or hear on the radio, aren’t discussions at all.  They’re exercises in defending.  Questions and answers are metered out in an attempt to defend one position or another.

It’s often the same in a business setting.

The search for alignment, a conclusion, a decision, or an all-out victory often trumps everything else, including a meaningful exchange of ideas.

How often do you defend, instead of discuss?  Be honest.  We’re just discussing here…no need to get all defensive.

What if you went through an entire day without defending?  Think you could do it?

 

Be the Candle

There’s a place in Baja, on the Sea of Cortez side, about 100 miles south of San Felipe…

“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”  – Confucius (Kung Fu Tzu)

There’s a place in Baja, on the Sea of Cortez side, about 100 miles south of San Felipe called Gonzaga Bay.  You can drive there pretty easily (by Baja standards) nowadays.  But, 30 years ago, it was quite an adventure to get there.  Your reward for all that off road adventure (other than the journey itself)?  An off-the-grid community of small “houses” on a beautiful bay with whatever supplies you were able to bring with you.

Beyond the stark beauty of the bay, the warm water, fresh ocean breezes, and perfect cocktail conditions, the thing I remember most was the darkness.  The stars were so close you could almost touch them.  On a moonless night, you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face.

But, light one candle and the scene changed.  The light from that one candle would penetrate the darkness.  The terrain glowed in the light.  Bushes and rocks cast shadows in the night.  The darkness was no match for the light from just one candle.

Darkness is all around us.  That darkness may even come from within.  We can choose to let the darkness consume us and everything we do.

Or, we can be the candle.

Some Things I Know to Be True

  1. Airplanes generally don’t crash due to one failure, or unexpected event. They rarely crash when a second failure happens.  It’s usually the third unexpected event that brings it down.  This tragic truism in real-life plane travel can be applied to life.  Consider your own “plane crashes.”  Were they preceded by just one failure, or unexpected event?    It was probably the second and third failure that actually brought things down.  We learn more from failures than successes.  Even better are the lessons that come when we honestly and thoroughly investigate our own plane crashes, and the series of failures that caused them.
  1. Speaking of success. Success is all about definition.  The only definition that matters is the one you create for yourself.  Success, by any definition, won’t bring truly transcendent happiness.
  1. Transcendent happiness comes from within.  Its foundation is a belief in something greater than yourself.  Something that you can’t touch, taste, see, smell, or hear.
  1. Speaking of something greater than yourself.  Love is the most powerful force in the universe.  It transcends all time and space.  Love can’t be stopped by death.  Being loved, and loving others, fills your soul.  Love is free, and yet it has infinite value.
  1. Teaching your son to cook blueberry muffins for his dad is one of the best gifts a mom can give to her son (and husband). Texting a photo of that cooking lesson to his grandpa is a great way to demonstrate truth number four.

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Where are You Aiming?

What if getting ready isn’t the first step?

“If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.”  -Zig Ziglar

Ready.  Aim.  Fire.

That’s the standard way to shoot at a target.  How many people actually follow these steps?

How many have you seen following other sequences:

Ready.  Fire.  Aim.

Fire.  Fire.  Fire.

Aim.  Aim.  Aim.  Aim.

Ready…  Ready…  Ready… (now what?)

Ready.  Aim.  Aim.  Aim.  Aim.  Aim.  Fire?  Fire?

Life is a series of choices.  A series of challenges.  A series of what if’s.

It’s impossible to know the true definition of “ready” in a life of endless possibility.  One can spend a lifetime “getting ready” for an outcome that may, or may not, happen.  The truth is, we are never fully ready.

What if getting ready isn’t the first step?  What if pursuing excellence is?

Excellence in whatever we do.  Excellence in the way we look at life.  Excellence in our contribution.  Excellence in the way we treat others.  Excellence in our expectations of ourselves and others.  When excellence is the target, the other steps become clear.

Pursue excellence.  Ready.  Aim.  Fire.  Adjust.  Pursue excellence.  Repeat.

Does excellence mean perfection?  No.  Pursuing perfection is a fool’s errand.  The good news is that by pursuing excellence we get a glimpse of perfection from time to time.

The target isn’t the real reward anyway.  That comes from the pursuit itself.

 

Years of Experience

The school of hard knocks never issues a diploma, but it does yield a lifetime of experience…

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“I’ve been with this company for 35 years.”

“I’ve been in this industry since it started.”

“I remember when we used typewriters to fill out those forms.”

“I’ve forgotten more about this, than that new guy will ever know.”

“I’m not sure how things are supposed to work.  I just started a couple of years ago.”

“I hope they give me a raise soon.  I’m the only person who knows how to process all the claim types.”

“There’s no way someone will ever figure out how to replace me.  I wouldn’t even remember all the steps if I had to tell someone.  It’s automatic for me.”

Experience counts.  There’s no replacement for the lessons learned by doing, succeeding, failing, recovering, making it up as you go, reinventing, punting, switching directions, and trying again.

There’s no shortcut to learning how a business or industry ebbs and flows throughout a year, or through the ups and downs of the economic cycle.  A business that’s a no-brainer during the up-cycle can, and will, turn into a nightmare in a down-cycle.  A person who can lead a business through an entire up and down cycle can’t help but learn all the ins and outs of that business (and its industry).

But, what’s the true value of all that experience?  Nope, that’s not it…

The real value comes when you teach and mentor others.  It’s relatively easy to master something for yourself.  The real challenge, and deepest learning, is in teaching others.  Not just the raw facts and steps to something, but connecting and passing on the passion that you have and watching your “student” define their own passion about the topic.

Consider your years of experience doing something.  Maybe you’ve been in a particular job for twenty years.  Can you honestly say that you’ve had twenty real years of experience, or twenty one-year experiences?

What’s the difference?

The difference is whether you’ve merely stacked the same one-year experiences on top of one another, or built and connected a compounding level of expertise in your twenty years.  It means looking back at the (hopefully) countless people you’ve helped along the way to become the best versions of themselves.  It means that you’ve found ways to multiply yourself and your impact by working with, and teaching, others.

The school of hard knocks never issues a diploma, but it does yield a lifetime of experience.  That experience only counts if you take the time to pass it on to someone else.

 

 

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The Most Powerful Feature on Your Phone

Smart phones have unbelievable power. I recently read that the Apollo 11 spacecraft that landed on the moon had…

Smart phones have unbelievable power.  I recently read that the Apollo 11 spacecraft that landed on the moon had 1,300 times less computing power than an iPhone.  And, I bet the iPhone takes better pictures than most of Apollo 11’s cameras.

Continuous connectivity, access to all the information the internet has to offer, games, and the ability to talk to family and friends from almost anywhere (it is a phone after all).  All great features.  But there’s an even more powerful feature.

Airplane mode.

It’s not just for flying.

Next time you’re asked to silence your cell phone, try airplane mode instead.

Going for a run, bike ride, or a workout at the gym?  Airplane mode.  Your music will play just fine.  Better yet, how about listening to the rhythm of your own thoughts?

Having dinner?  Airplane mode.  Enjoy the sanctity of good food and good company (that would be the people at the dinner table with you).

Watching your kid’s game?  Airplane mode.  Try out the video capture capabilities of your phone without being interrupted by some alert.

Playing Risk with your kids?  Airplane mode.  Worldwide domination demands your undivided attention.

Walking on the beach with someone you love.  Airplane mode.  Hold their hand instead of your phone.

Continuous connectivity is amazing.

Airplane mode controls the very definition of “continuous.”  That’s real power.

Use it wisely and enjoy being present.

The End of the Beginning

I should mention one detail: I wasn’t Catholic…

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There I was, about to enjoy my Chipotle for lunch, listening to some financial news, when the commercial came on.  The Catholic Channel was covering the papal election over on channel 129.

That’s right, I thought.  They’re electing a new Pope today.  Funny, we had just visited Vatican City a few months before Pope Benedict announced his retirement.  What a beautiful place!  It was huge.  Michelangelo’s paintings in the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel were breathtaking.  The views of Rome from the top of the dome in St. Peter’s were spectacular.

What do they talk about on that channel when there isn’t a papal election, I wondered.  I switched over to 129.  My timing wasn’t bad.  The two hosts were all fired up.  A new Pope had been elected!  Their excitement was overwhelming.  “We have a new Vicar of Christ, and he’s about to make his first appearance,” one of them said.  They were waiting for him to come out and make his first appearance in the window above St. Peter’s Square.

As I sat there, listening to them talk about this new Vicar, I realized I had tears running down my face.  Tears of happiness.  “We” had a new Pope!  A new Holy Father to shepherd us in the Way of Christ.

I should mention one detail:  I wasn’t Catholic.

Why was I so excited about this new Pope?  Why was my heart filled with new joy and warmth at the thought of this new Pope and the energy he’d be bringing to the Church?

I drove back to work, wondering for a minute what this all meant.  I quickly turned my thoughts to something else.  I switched my radio over to The Blend, and acted like nothing had happened.

As I drove home from work later that day, I switched back to 129 to hear more about the new Pope.

I let almost a year go by without taking any action, or telling anyone about my new-found favorite station.

It’s not like the news that I had suddenly felt a spiritual (religious?) connection to the Catholic Church would be unwelcome in my family.  My wife and daughters are Catholic.  My daughters both graduated college with theology and philosophy degrees.  My in-laws are Catholic.  Many of our friends are Catholic.  I’ve been an active volunteer at our Church for years.  I had always been connected to the Catholic Church, but never had a spiritual connection.  I never truly believed.

Now, for the first time in my life, I believed.  An emptiness I didn’t know I had was suddenly filled.

I remember going to a weekend camp when I was about eight years old.  Big David (who was a few years older than Little David, who also lived on our street) invited me to attend his camp in the mountains.  That sounded pretty great to me, and I’m sure my parents were happy to have a weekend break from one of their rambunctious sons.

I didn’t know it at the time, but it was a Bible camp.  This would be my first introduction to anything religious, since my family wasn’t religious.  We arrived and were assigned to our cabins and counselors.  I don’t remember my counselor’s name, but I do remember one of the first questions he asked me.  “Bobby, have you accepted Jesus into your heart?”

Who was Jesus?  What does he mean to accept Him?  Why was I the only one he asked?  What is this place?  I spent an awkward weekend, being a volunteer kitchen helper (each cabin was in charge of service for one meal), listening to lectures from the Bible, and being asked at least once a day if I was ready to accept Jesus into my heart.  Needless to say, my first introduction to Jesus didn’t go well.

I had a few more introductions over the years, and finally was introduced more formally by my (soon-to-be, at the time) wife, Janet.  I learned a lot about the Catholic Church as I prepared to be married in one.  And yet, I still didn’t know who Jesus was.  I kept having the same questions I had when I was eight.  Besides, I had things pretty well figured out, and going to church was a lot of commitment.

It’s interesting to me that the number forty comes up a lot in the Bible.  Jesus spent forty days in the desert, fasting, and praying (and being tempted by Satan) after he was baptized.  Only then was he fully ready to begin his public ministry.  The Israelites spent forty years in the desert before they could return home.  Noah’s Ark was put to use after it rained for forty days and nights.  Moses spent forty days and forty nights on the mountain with God.  Jesus was with his disciples for forty days after his resurrection.

From my first (messy) introduction to Jesus until this past weekend when I was baptized into the Catholic Church, I count forty years, almost to the day.  I’m sure it’s a coincidence.  Just like my random decision to switch over to channel 129 that day.  Or, the way my daughter added some Christian music to my iPod.  Those songs kept coming up over and over each time I went for a run.  I got to know those songs pretty well.  So well that I actually started thinking about their meaning, even before that day our new Pope was elected.

My baptism, confirmation, and first communion last Saturday night were the culmination of an almost year-long preparation process.  The process included classes every Sunday, after Mass.  It also included a ton of reading that I assigned to myself.  Books about the Rosary, the Saints, Saint Paul the Apostle (the Saint I chose as my Confirmation Saint), and the Holy Land.  I also did lots of reading from the Bible itself, as well as the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Funny thing is that throughout this process, I couldn’t wait for each Sunday to come.  I couldn’t wait to learn more about my faith, my Church’s history, and the love that Jesus has for each of us.  What was an unreasonable commitment to my younger self has become an integral part of who I am today.

After forty years, I’m coming to the end of the beginning of my relationship with God.

Looking back, I can see so many places where God was with me, even as I ignored Him, or spoke against Him.  He was patient.  He knew I’d eventually find Him right where He’s always been…beside me.

 

 

The Truth about Grudges

The easy thing to do is turn each injustice into a grudge…

It doesn’t take long in life for injustice to come your way.

Your mommy takes your toy away before you’re finished with it.  Injustice!  How do you deal with it?  Maybe you cry, or throw a hissy fit.  Chances are, since your attention span at 18 months is pretty short, you’ll forget about the injustice and get another toy.

Life isn’t fair, and neither are some people.  Things go wrong.  Plans get up-ended.  Promises aren’t always kept.  A friend or family member may offend us.  Someone we love may destroy themselves with addiction.  We might be the victim of a heinous crime.

Live long enough, and the injustices (both real and imaginary) will pile up.  What to do?  Crying may be appropriate.  And there’s nothing like the emotional release of a good hissy fit every now and then.  But, after that, then what?

The easy thing to do is turn each injustice into a grudge.  That way, you can stack the latest grudge on top of the others you’re carrying.  If your grudges become disorganized, you can spend some quality time dwelling on them and get them reorganized.  If they get too heavy, enlisting the help of others to carry some of your grudges is always helpful.

The burden of a grudge is carried by the victim.  The perpetrator, whether real or not, carries no such burden.  The perpetrator may carry regret, but they feel none of the weight of your grudge.

In our quest to never forget the lessons of an injustice, we wrap these lessons inside the grudge.  It’s a package deal.

For this reason, letting go, forgiving, can seem impossible.  Forgiveness runs counter to our natural instincts.  But forgiveness is about much more than survival.  It’s about finding a way to thrive with a clear focus on the things in life that really matter.

Letting go of a grudge doesn’t mean ignoring the lesson.  It means freeing yourself from the weight that only you are carrying.

 

 

 

Ego and Leadership

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists.  When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” –Lao Tzu

Which is more important?

Being the leader everyone knows is in charge, or

Being the leader who helps others take charge?

The only way any leader can succeed is to multiply themselves with the help of others.  Only by helping others take charge does the engine of multiplication come to life.

How can you best create ownership within your organization?

Giving commands, or

Asking questions?

This is an easy question.  It’s also one of hardest for many to put into action.  Asking questions is the answer.

What matters most?

Planting your ideas with others, so those seeds of thought take on a life of their own, or

Receiving accolades for your brilliant ideas?

Accolades are nice, but there’s nothing like the quiet satisfaction of seeing your ideas surpass your wildest expectations in the hands of others.

What’s the secret to answering each of these questions correctly?

Realizing the difference between confidence and ego.  Ego is like a wall that separates each of us from truly limitless potential.  Ego is fueled by fear and envy.  Ego worries about embarrassment.

Confidence is what you get when you find a way to leave your ego at the door.  Confidence isn’t afraid, or envious. Confidence loves to explore.  Confidence is happy to let go of itself.  Confidence is willing to be wrong, or look foolish, without embarrassment…especially when pursuing the biggest truths in life

A leader driven by ego is powerless, without realizing it.

“As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others.” –Bill Gates

 

The Power of Elevated Thinking

Imagine the value of the person who looks for ways to help, instead of…

MarianneWilliamsonQuote

 

“The last IT guy had a diagram of the network, but since he left, I haven’t updated it to reflect the changes we’ve made.”

“The system was setup before I got here.  It’s not a good fit, but I’ve just been making do since I took it over.”

“This process ran pretty smoothly last year.  I don’t think the new guy has a clue about how it should work this year. This has failure written all over it.”

“I’ve seen it all in my time.  They’ve tried a bunch of new ideas to make things more efficient, but they never work.  I try to tell them they’re wasting their time, but nobody listens to me.”

“I wonder when the VP is going to notice how screwed-up this project is.  Everyone knows it’s a disaster, but him.”

“The more things change, the more they stay the same around here.”

How many times have you heard (or said) versions of these quotes?

It’s easy to point to problems with “the system.” It’s easy to blame the other guy, the other department, your boss, your employee, the customer(!).

Avoiding ownership is the easy way out.  It’s also the quickest way to ensure mediocrity and failure for yourself and your organization.

Imagine the possibilities if just one person in these hypothetical situations chose to elevate their thinking.  Imagine if they decided to own the search for the right solution.  What if they actively participated in making someone else’s solution a success?  Imagine the value of the person who looks for ways to help, instead of looking for ways to criticize.

There’s nothing stopping you from being that person…except maybe yourself.

 

By the way, have you read my book?  100’s have already (thank you!).  If you’re one of them, please do me a favor and tell your friends about it.  If not, it’s time to take ownership, and get yourself a copy!

All of my proceeds are going to two awesome groups who embraced the opportunity to take ownership of a problem:  Mothers Fighting for Others, and the Scleroderma Research Foundation.

 

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