Desire – Grandpa Bob Encouraging Leadership

The Work Before the Work

Everyone loves the big idea. The bold plan. A strong vision of what can be.

It’s easy to get excited about an amazing result. A finished project, a better version of ourselves, a breakthrough moment. But big plans mean nothing without the tools and materials to carry them out.

Goals and aspirations get a lot of attention. Preparation, usually not so much.

Preparation isn’t glamorous. No one sees the early mornings, the quiet practice, the reading, the repetitions, the small decisions and adjustments that come from thinking deeply about how to be better. But that’s where everything starts. That’s the real work.

You can’t build a tower by imagining the top floor. You start by stacking bricks. And before that, you must gather the bricks. Along with mortar. Along with the tools to lift, cut, measure, and shape. That’s what preparation is. Gathering what you’ll need to be ready when it’s time to build.

This applies to everything in life.

Want to be a better leader? Prepare by learning how to listen, how to stay calm and think under pressure, how to help your team to be their very best.

Want to level up at work? Prepare by always sharpening your skills, staying curious, looking for problems that need solutions, becoming someone your team can rely on.

Want to be a better friend, spouse, or parent? Prepare by learning to listen, to be present, and to lead with patience and love.

Want to face hard times with strength? Prepare by choosing the hard things before they choose you.

Don’t wait for life to demand something from you before you get ready. Always prepare so you will be ready.

Ask yourself:
-What materials am I gathering?

-What tools am I building?

-What productive habits am I forming when no one’s looking?

Preparation isn’t just a phase. It’s a mindset. A lifestyle.

You’re either gathering bricks—or you’re preparing to fail.

Because in the end, you won’t rise to the level of your ambition.

You’ll fall to the level of your preparation.

h/t – my friend Pete Hilger as we were discussing how to get building supplies to a rural Guatemalan city for a medical facility build project. He tossed out the line, “You can’t build a tower without first gathering a lot of bricks and mortar.”

Photo by Peyman Shojaei on Unsplash

Writing the Check – the best piece of advice I’ve ever received

I’ve received (and read) lots of advice in my lifetime. I’ve even had an opportunity to give advice to others.

The most valuable piece of advice I’ve received was from my dear friend, Jay Scott, around 1991 or 1992 (paraphrasing):

“Mr. Dailey (we refer to each other formally, of course), everything in life comes down to writing a check. You want a new car? Write a check. You want to learn a new skill? Write a check. You want to add something nice to your house? Write a check. You’re either going to write the check or not. All the rest is just detail.”

When he said it, I didn’t think much of it. It sounded like a flippant observation that oversimplified life’s choices.

As I’ve lived my life and encountered tons of situations, opportunities, and decisions, I’ve come to realize the genius in his observation.

The check may be money…the literal meaning of the word “check.” Sometimes the check is the decision to invest something of your own personal value into an idea, an object, or a cause. The check becomes a commitment of your finite time and energy…and maybe your money.

The idea that all the rest is just detail reinforces the notion that while we may elaborate on our decisions with lengthy justifications or stories, at the core, it’s about that decisive moment of commitment.

I’ve found that most of the time I have my decision made about something within a minute of considering my alternatives (whatever they may be). Whether I act immediately on that decision (write the check) or wait some undetermined time period (sometimes years) is another matter.

I’ve applied this fundamental knowledge about humans and their check-writing decisions many times. If my boss says that he supports an idea or strategy, I try to get him to “write the check” about that support as quickly as possible. It’s easy to support an idea in the abstract or tell your employee that you support him or her. It’s something entirely different to then act on that support by “writing the check.”

If the boss (or anyone for that matter) talks about how they believe in something or they support something, if they’re not willing to write the check for it, you know they’re just telling a story. Only when they commit their check (money, time, reputation, etc.) to something are they truly supporting it. Another phrase, “having skin in the game” applies here. No skin in the game, no commitment.

It all comes down to writing the check.

p/c – Tommy Lisbin – Unsplash Why? This climber has written the check(s) and is fully committed to this task. And, the goal is in sight.

Aggressive Confusion

What happens when someone leads with their confusion?

It’s easy to be confused.

To be unclear about new information.

To ask for more explanations.

To need more practice.

But what happens when someone leads with their confusion, defending themselves behind a shield of doubt and uncertainty?

What if they wield their confusion like a weapon, merely to strengthen their grip on the status quo?

Is their objective to understand an idea or to avoid any responsibility for it?

Exploration (of anything) is a journey into the unknown and unexpected. It can be overwhelming, even confusing. It should be. Finding our way through the confusion is how we grow.

We make the choices:

Will we decide to push through our confusion?
Will we put in the effort to find new clarity?
Will we choose to grow?

Or, do we prefer to hide in our comfortable bubble of confusion?

Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

Come on in, the water’s warm!

Back in the day, we used to grab our boogie boards and take the bus down to Seal Beach (in California). It cost 25 cents each way. Perfect for a budget-minded 6^th grader and his buddies.

Side note: nobody thought it was the least bit strange for a bunch of 6^th and 7^th graders to go to the beach on a public bus without their parents…my how times have changed in 40 years.

That first step into the waves was always the coldest. It never failed that a wave would break right on shore, just as we were trying to slowly enter the water.

We always knew that the moment the water hit our stomachs, we might as well just dive in and swim out through the waves.

Within about thirty seconds, we were used to the water temperature. We didn’t think about it for the rest of the day. All we were thinking about was catching the next wave and buying a hot dog and a Coke for something like a dollar at lunch time.

We humans have an incredible ability to adapt. Sure, we feel the shock of a new challenge deep in our gut at first. We’ll wonder how in the world we’re going to deal with this new set of problems. But, give us a little time, and we have what it takes to not only adapt, but to overcome.

The only question is whether we choose to adapt.

It’s our choice.

We decide whether we’ll dive into the cold waves and paddle out, or retreat to the warm safety of the beach.

The beach may be safe, but the waves we’re trying to catch are out in the water.

Time to dive in and start paddling.

Photo Credit: That’s our grandson, Charlie. He’s riding his first wave on a boogie board, at Beach 69 on the Big Island, a few weeks ago. He turns 4 this weekend. Cowabunga, Charlie!

Desire and Appreciation

When was the last time you purposely spent time appreciating your life and the people you love?

“…people are programmed to desire, not to appreciate.” –Matt Ridley

Imagine if we had the ability to appreciate as much as we desire.

Imagine if the things we appreciated were all that we desire.

We might not get as much accomplished, but we’d probably be a little happier. Maybe, a little more content.

As infants, we’re 99.99% desire. It’s the only way we can survive, connect, learn, and thrive.

As we grow, our desires get more advanced. We visualize, fantasize, dream, and hope. We talk about the things we’re going to do, the places we’ll see, the people we’ll meet, the mountains we’ll climb.

In all of this, there’s little time for appreciation. We don’t have time to reflect. We’re too busy fulfilling our dreams, finding the next challenge, quenching our desire.

When was the last time you purposely spent time appreciating your life and the people you love?

When was the last time you purposely spent time appreciating yourself and the positive impact you have on the world?

Maybe it’s time.

Desire, with all its motivation and energy, is critical to our success.

But appreciation brings meaning to that success. It makes our success (however we define it) matter.

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash