Category: Leadership

Why Manners Matter

“Manners are of more importance than laws. Upon them, in a great measure, the laws depend. The law touches us but here and there, and now and then. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.” – Edmund Burke

-Why do we say Please and Thank You? 

-Why do we hold the door for the next person? 

-Why do we show respect for our elders? 

-Why don’t we interrupt someone when they’re speaking (at least, most of the time)?

Mostly because we were taught these behaviors by our parents, or someone in authority, when we were growing up.  We may have learned by being told explicitly, or by watching others that we admire acting in these ways. 

As Burke points out, manners are more important than laws.  They are fundamental in establishing the boundaries of our behavior, of integrating us within our community.

Manners show our respect for those around us.  They create a standard for how we work with others.    

Consider the manners (customs) that are in play where you work.  It doesn’t matter if you work in construction, nursing, information technology, or any other field.  If you work with people (which you always do whether they are your co-workers, your customers, or both), your manner of behavior will be critical to your success. Good manners create a positive environment, build strong relationships, and foster a culture of respect and professionalism.

Since we are creatures of habit, it’s easy to establish either a habit for lacking manners, or for having them.  The disciplined decision to operate your life within the bounds of good manners is a decision that will pay consistent dividends.  Good manners can be the foundation for a disciplined approach across all areas of your life.  When we are polite and considerate, we remind ourselves of our values and our commitment to treating others (and ourselves) with dignity.

The simple act of saying “Please” and “Thank You” (and meaning it) shows our vulnerability to others, and at the same time, our appreciation for what they have done for us.  Powerful ways to remind us of our humility and gratitude many times each day. 

Edmund Burke observed, “Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other.”  Our behavior and proper manners will be a teacher to those around us, whether we intend it or not.  Our actions, grounded in good manners, can inspire those around us to adopt similar behaviors.

It’s easy for each new generation to look at the rules and traditions of prior generations (manners) as archaic, overly formalized, and irrelevant in their “new modern era.”   They may rationalize away the need for good manners on this basis.  However, dismissing the importance of manners can lead to a breakdown in social cohesion. Our challenge is to adapt the principles to modern contexts while preserving the core values of respect and consideration.

Manners are a timeless currency that never loses value—so spend them generously and watch how rich life can become.

p/c Robert Collins on Unsplash

Leadership Pitfalls: Don’t Be a Don Henry

Early in my career, during my time as an internal auditor, I learned a lot about people. I spent countless hours observing and interacting with individuals at all levels of organizations, from front-line employees to CEOs. This unique vantage point taught me a foundational lesson: the success of any organization usually hinges on the character and behavior of its leaders.

In our small audit teams, we developed a shorthand to quickly convey our impressions of the people we interviewed. We’d use these labels —like Adam Henry and Don Henry— to help summarize complex personalities in a few words. After interview meetings, we might describe our interviewee as a good guy, a solid operator, an Adam Henry, a Don Henry, or perhaps someone who was DUP, or DUC.

Let me translate those last four:

  • Adam Henry – Asshole
  • Don Henry – Dickhead
  • DUP – Definitely Unpleasant (not quite an Adam Henry)
  • DUC – Definitely Unclear (meaning they seemed like an idiot)

What’s the difference between an Adam Henry and a Don Henry? While both are problematic, the distinction lies in their approach and the impact on those around them. Adam might be uncooperative and arrogant, but Don takes it a step further—using their position to intimidate others and make them feel as dumb as possible.  Don loves to belittle people and fosters a toxic environment that stifles collaboration and creativity.

Were our shorthand judgments fair? They may not have been, but they were usually quite accurate based on our interactions. Remember, most people are on their “best” behavior when talking to an auditor (even though most of us would rather not talk to auditors). Imagine if they weren’t on their best behavior.

These judgments, though informal, often reflected deeper truths about the individuals we encountered. A company with too many Don Henrys, for instance, might struggle with low morale, high turnover, and a lack of innovation—challenges that will cripple long-term success.

There was nothing special about us, as auditors, making these assessments of the people we were interviewing. All of us make these assessments as we work with other people. These same assessments are being made about us by other people all the time.

Is this person a good guy, a strong operator, a pleasant person, a team player? Or are they on the opposite end of the spectrum? Should I trust this person to have my best interests at heart, or are they solely in this for their own gain at all costs?

Companies of all sizes, no matter the industry, are made up of human beings, working as a group (hopefully as a team, but not always) to achieve key goals (hopefully the organization’s goals).

If the people who manage a company are Adam Henrys, or worse—Don Henrys, that organization will have difficulty succeeding. They might succeed in the short term, but over a multi-year time horizon, these negative traits in the people managing the business will lead to poor morale, declining creativity, declining teamwork, and declining execution.

Recognizing and addressing “Don Henry” behaviors is crucial for any organization aiming for sustained success. Leaders who prioritize their team’s well-being, encourage collaboration, and foster a positive work environment are far more likely to achieve lasting results.

The next time you’re interacting with colleagues, ask yourself: Am I being an Adam Henry, a Don Henry, or something better?

p/c – Ben White, Unsplash.com

Taking Your Team on a Vision Quest

In the early 2000s, I attended one of our company’s national meetings. Our new CEO opened the meeting with a keynote address.

After thanking everyone for attending, he discussed the company’s three key strategic initiatives. He tied each of them back to the overall goals and mission of the company, underscoring how critical each manager attending the meeting (and our teams) would be to making these initiatives come to fruition.

His address lasted about fifteen minutes. He had a few slides to accompany his talk, but nothing flashy. In those fifteen minutes, we understood his vision, what we were supposed to do, and how we were empowered to make it happen. We were unified and energized.

Later that day, I thanked him for his talk. I mentioned how concise it was and appreciated that he didn’t spend an hour on CEO-speak and rah-rah platitudes. He smiled and explained that he was concise because he articulates versions of that talk multiple times each day.

He shared that wherever he traveled, whenever he visited one of our company’s offices or met with employees or customers, he made sure they understood what we were doing and how important each of them was to the company’s success. He knew that in a company with over 15,000 employees, it was impossible to speak to or know every one of them. But, whenever he encountered employees, he knew they’d remember what he said and appreciate knowing how they are connected to the company’s success.

He was so concise and effective because he lived and breathed the vision and its importance every day and shared it freely with everyone.

Applying This in Your Leadership

You don’t have to be a Fortune 100 CEO to communicate like this. As a servant leader, commit to using your finite time and energy to communicate openly and freely with your team members. Make sure they understand the plan and their part in it. Take time to understand the challenges they face, listen to their ideas, ask probing questions, and let them know how important they are to the success of the department, division, or company.

Your team can’t wait to accompany you on a vision quest. They just need to know what they’re doing, where they’re going, and that you value their contribution to the quest.

Effective communication from leadership is not about the quantity of words but the quality of the message. By being concise, clear, and consistent, you can inspire and motivate your team to achieve great things.

Start today by articulating your vision and showing your team how much you value their contributions.

Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash

If Kamala is ready…

I always encourage strong leadership.  I extol the value of leaders who take bold action, make decisions, who are prepared to fail, learn, and try again…all in the pursuit of excellence. 

The President of the United States is often called “the leader of the free world.” 

Maybe that’s why the moment I heard that President Biden is ending his reelection campaign today, and endorsing Kamala Harris for the job, I immediately started thinking of the things a strong leader would do with this opportunity.     

So, here’s my short list of what Kamala Harris should do over the next 10 days:

  • She must take bold and decisive steps to show that she is presidential material; that she is the leader the country needs.  This will mean stripping away the layers of spokespeople, surrogates, and others who often represent our political leaders.  This effort is 100% on her and her alone, as the strong leader she wants voters to see.
  • She should immediately schedule 30-minute live interviews with anchors of each network (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, MSNBC, CNN, OANN, etc.), and 30-minute interviews with the top 10 podcasts (both liberal and conservative). 

Making these interviews “live” events does two things: 

  1. Shows that she doesn’t need teleprompters, jump-cuts, or any other gimmicks to handle questions from news anchors or podcasters.
  2. Shows that she can energetically express and articulate her vision for the next four years, and competently address questions from all sides of the political spectrum.
  • She should travel to 7-10 of the most contentious (“battleground”) states, visiting multiple cities in each of the states to hold campaign events.  She should invite each of her potential VP hopefuls to attend as well so she and the nation can see what they have to offer in this “new” post-Biden environment.    
  • When reporters ask her about the 25th Amendment and why she hasn’t attempted to invoke it over the past year, she should state that while she hasn’t seen the need up to this point, she will be evaluating that need considering what’s taken place over the past 30 days. 

This will put the nation and the President on notice that she may take action between now and January 20, 2025, if necessary.  It will also allow her to step further outside of his shadow and stand on her own. 

Does Kamala Harris have what it takes to show this type of strong and bold leadership?  Does she have the energy and drive to pull this off?   

We shall see. 

She often says we should focus on “what can be, unburdened by what has been.” 

This is her chance to follow her own advice. 

The Silent Threat of Delayed Management

Management is an active responsibility.  It requires timely decisions and actions.

When managers delay addressing issues, providing support, or offering guidance, it has detrimental effects on both employees and their organization. This form of extreme procrastination, delayed management, erodes trust, hinders efficiency, and can cause long-term damage.

Delayed management occurs when managers, consciously or subconsciously, avoid performing their duties. They may fear confrontation, they may be overwhelmed, or they might just be lazy. Unlike regular procrastination, delayed management specifically involves neglecting critical managerial responsibilities.

When managers delay, employees feel neglected and undervalued. This can lead to decreased motivation and trust. Employees might interpret the manager’s inaction as a lack of belief in their abilities or interest in their well-being. Delayed management stalls projects and misses opportunities.

Picture a small water leak in your walls that goes unnoticed for weeks. The water continues to seep, causing mold to spread and wood to rot. By the time you notice the damage, extensive repairs are necessary. Delayed management causes similar deterioration within an organization, where small issues fester and become major problems.

Managers may fear making the wrong decisions or confronting difficult situations, leading to a cycle of inaction. High workloads and stress can cause managers to feel overwhelmed, making it easier to delay tasks. Some managers assume that someone else will handle the problem, leading to inaction.

Each of these are reasons, not excuses, for delaying management.  For employees, none of these reasons matter.  The employees’ success relies on their managers doing their job…providing direction, feedback, and expending management energy on behalf of their employees.  There is no excuse for delaying management.

Managers should adopt proactive techniques such as regular check-ins with team members and timely feedback. Setting aside dedicated time each day for management tasks can help prevent delays. Effective delegation can distribute workload and empower team members, reducing the burden on managers. Implementing systems to hold managers accountable for their actions ensures they remain committed to their responsibilities. Regular performance reviews and feedback loops can help identify and address delayed management behavior early on.

Delayed management is a silent threat that undermines employee trust, hinders organizational efficiency, and causes long-term damage. Managers can foster a positive work environment and drive organizational success…but only if they do their job without delay. 

p/c – I saw this sign recently and loved its simple and direct message

Who We Follow (What We Can Learn from Sheep)

Living next to a farm with about forty sheep has given me a front-row seat to their daily lives. Over the past year, I’ve seen them at all hours and noticed some interesting patterns that remind me of a lot of human behavior.

Sticking Together

Sheep love being in groups. They usually form smaller sub-groups of 5-7 sheep within the larger herd.  Reminds me of people having their close-knit circles within bigger communities, generally preferring company over solitude.

Group Dynamics and Hierarchy

Within these small groups, there’s occasional head-butting and shoving, but mostly they’re focused on grazing, lounging around, or scratching against trees. Similar to humans at work or in social settings, where there’s a bit of jockeying for position, but everyone hopefully gets on with their day.

Follow the Leader

One of the funniest things I’ve seen is how a couple of sheep will suddenly start trotting off for no apparent reason.  The rest of their group will follow, clearly not knowing why they’re running. The “leaders” that start the trotting vary from day to day.  How often have you seen this type of “herd mentality,” where people follow trends or actions without really knowing why.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

If a sub-group that has decided to run catches the attention of another sub-group, the two sub-groups might quickly merge.  The sheep don’t know why they’re running, or where they’re going…but they don’t want to miss out.  FOMO is a big deal for sheep…much like humans. 

The Scramble for Resources

When the farmer’s family arrives with grain, the entire herd rushes to the troughs, leading to a chaotic scramble. Despite having abundant grass resources in the pasture, each sheep’s behavior reflects their drive to secure for themselves what they perceive as limited (before any of the other sheep can do the same). Humans, too, often scramble for limited resources or opportunities, even when there are other alternatives.

Jostling for Position

Despite having lots of shade and pasture available, sheep still push each other around to control certain spots. This behavior shows their competitive nature and a focus on what others have, reflecting human tendencies to compete for the best spots or the latest trends, even when they’re not necessary.

Sheeple? 

Watching sheep has given me some surprising insights into human behavior. Their actions highlight our social nature, competitive streak, and tendency to follow others for fear of missing out. Next time you find yourself in a crowd or following the latest trend, ask yourself: are you leading, following, or just trying to keep up with the flock?

It’s surprising how much we have in common with our woolly friends—even if we’d rather not admit it.

Writing the Check – the best piece of advice I’ve ever received

I’ve received (and read) lots of advice in my lifetime.  I’ve even had an opportunity to give advice to others. 

The most valuable piece of advice I’ve received was from my dear friend, Jay Scott, around 1991 or 1992 (paraphrasing):

“Mr. Dailey (we refer to each other formally, of course), everything in life comes down to writing a check.  You want a new car?  Write a check.  You want to learn a new skill?  Write a check.  You want to add something nice to your house?  Write a check.  You’re either going to write the check or not.  All the rest is just detail.” 

When he said it, I didn’t think much of it.  It sounded like a flippant observation that oversimplified life’s choices. 

As I’ve lived my life and encountered tons of situations, opportunities, and decisions, I’ve come to realize the genius in his observation. 

The check may be money…the literal meaning of the word “check.”  Sometimes the check is the decision to invest something of your own personal value into an idea, an object, or a cause.  The check becomes a commitment of your finite time and energy…and maybe your money. 

The idea that all the rest is just detail reinforces the notion that while we may elaborate on our decisions with lengthy justifications or stories, at the core, it’s about that decisive moment of commitment.

I’ve found that most of the time I have my decision made about something within a minute of considering my alternatives (whatever they may be).  Whether I act immediately on that decision (write the check) or wait some undetermined time period (sometimes years) is another matter.

I’ve applied this fundamental knowledge about humans and their check-writing decisions many times.  If my boss says that he supports an idea or strategy, I try to get him to “write the check” about that support as quickly as possible.  It’s easy to support an idea in the abstract or tell your employee that you support him or her.  It’s something entirely different to then act on that support by “writing the check.” 

If the boss (or anyone for that matter) talks about how they believe in something or they support something, if they’re not willing to write the check for it, you know they’re just telling a story.  Only when they commit their check (money, time, reputation, etc.) to something are they truly supporting it.  Another phrase, “having skin in the game” applies here.   No skin in the game, no commitment.

It all comes down to writing the check.  

p/c – Tommy Lisbin – Unsplash Why? This climber has written the check(s) and is fully committed to this task. And, the goal is in sight.

Making the Clay: A parable about how projects come to life.

p/c WAI – John Cargile

In the dim glow of his studio, the sculptor stood before a vast expanse of pristine clay, lost in thought. His mind danced with visions of what he would create—a masterpiece that would captivate hearts and minds, a testament to his skill and vision. Yet, before his hands could shape the clay, there were crucial steps to take, like preparing the raw material before the artistry could begin.

As he contemplated the sculpture taking form in his mind’s eye, he pondered the perspectives he would bring to his creation. Each angle, each curve held significance, and he knew that his vision would resonate differently with each observer. He envisioned the awe in their eyes, the whispers of admiration as they saw his work.

But this sculpture would be unlike any he had attempted before—it would be monumental, stretching skyward in grandeur. The clay alone would not suffice; he would need the finest materials that could withstand the test of time. Yet, the cost of these materials weighed heavily on his mind. It was a venture that would require more than just his own resources.

Thus, he embarked on a journey to seek investors—patrons who believed in his vision and were willing to invest in its realization. With their support, he would procure the materials necessary to bring his creation to life. But it was not just financial backing he sought; he needed a team of skilled artisans who would join him on this sculpting journey.

Finding the right team was no small feat. Each member would bring their own expertise and perspective, enriching the project with their unique talents. Yet, it was not just a matter of talent—they would need to share his passion and commitment, willing to sacrifice their own pursuits to see the vision through.

And so, he set out to assemble his team, each member drawn by the promise of being part of something extraordinary. Yet, he knew that their dedication could not go unrewarded. He would provide for them, ensuring they had the means to sustain themselves as they poured their hearts and souls into the project.

With each detail meticulously planned, he secured a space large enough to accommodate the monumental sculpture, a blank canvas upon which his vision would take shape. And in his heart, he held onto the hope that there would be a patron waiting in the wings, eager to claim his creation as their own.  A customer.

As he surveyed the clay before him, he saw not just a mound of earth, but the embodiment of possibility—the first step in a journey that would culminate in something truly extraordinary.

With determination burning bright in his eyes, the sculptor began to mold the clay, each touch infused with passion and purpose. He knew that before the sculpture could stand tall, it must first be brought to life in the fertile soil of his imagination.

Sound familiar? 

If you launch a new idea, a new project, a new company, or a new rocket…you’re the sculptor.  You alone see your vision.  To see this new vision come to life, you will need to gather others, inspire them, challenge them, and ultimately organize your new team toward the goal of making your vision a reality. 

It won’t be easy.  Great things never are.  You’ll risk failure at every turn.  You’ll have to overcome challenges you never knew existed.    

But you’ll never achieve meaningful success in your project (whatever it is) without taking the risk, making the clay, gathering your team, and ultimately bringing your vision to life. 

I have one favor to ask: If you like this content and think someone else will like it as well, please forward this post to them.

The Power of Multiplying Yourself: Why Training and Supporting Your Team Leads to Success

The belief that doing everything yourself is faster can limit growth. Training and empowering your team leads to expanded capabilities, time for strategic initiatives, and a strong organizational culture.

p/c: Andrea Gian – Unsplash

“It’ll be faster for me to just handle this task now and get it done.”

“It’ll take me more time to train someone how to do this than it will take me to do it myself.”

“I’ll just take care of this task myself and get it out of the way.”

Sound familiar? 

It’s easy to fall into this trap of thinking that doing everything yourself is the most efficient way to get things done. This mindset not only limits your own growth and potential but also minimizes your team’s and your organization’s potential.

Investing your time in training and supporting your direct reports is not just beneficial—it’s essential for long-term success.

Here’s why:

  • Trust and Empowerment: When you take the time to train your team members, you show them that you trust their abilities. This trust fosters a sense of empowerment, motivating them to take on new challenges and responsibilities with confidence.
  • Expanded Capabilities: By preparing your team for their next levels of challenge, you expand their capabilities and push their limits outward. Consider this: Instead of just solving today’s problems, imagine if your team could handle tomorrow’s challenges without you needing to intervene. As they tackle new tasks and acquire new skills, they become stronger and more versatile contributors to the organization.
  • Time Management: While it may seem faster to handle tasks yourself in the short term, investing in training your team ultimately frees up your time for higher-level responsibilities. Imagine if you could focus on strategic initiatives, process improvement, and growth opportunities for the organization, rather than being bogged down in day-to-day tasks.
  • Cultural Impact: Creating a culture of learning and growth within your team not only boosts morale but also strengthens the entire organization. When your team members feel challenged and supported in their professional development, they’re more engaged and motivated to contribute their best work.
  • Preparation for Growth: By nurturing the skills and talents of your team members, you’re preparing the organization to adapt and grow. A team that is continuously learning and evolving is better equipped to handle the new challenges that are just around the corner (whether you see them coming, or not).

Neglecting your team’s development can have serious consequences. Employees who feel stagnant and unchallenged are more likely to become disengaged. Disengaged employees will leave, or worse, they’ll choose to stay and become seat warmers—adding nothing valuable to the organization.

People want to learn. They want to be challenged. They are most engaged when they’re pushing the boundaries of their capability, taking on new skills, and becoming more valuable to their organization.

The adage of “it’s faster to do it myself” is short-sighted and will limit your career growth.

Take the time to train and support your team. You will multiply your effectiveness and create a powerful culture of empowerment and continuous improvement within your organization.

The Delicate Balance of Telling and Teaching

Your role as the teacher and mentor is to prepare your mentee to work independently and effectively…

“I can’t believe she can’t tie her own shoes.  She’s old enough to know by now.”

My friend was talking about his 5-year-old daughter at the time. 

I asked if he’d ever taken the time to teach her how to tie her shoes.  He stared at me and said that wasn’t his job and that she should have figured it out by now. 

Why tell this story (which really happened!)? 

To illustrate how important it is to teach and mentor others…whether they’re our kids, grandkids, employees, family, or friends. 

It should be obvious that if you don’t teach, your student misses out on the chance to truly learn and grow.  By choosing not to teach, you’re short-changing your mentee of the lessons you’ve learned through hard-earned experience.

In moments of urgency or simplicity, direct instructions are most appropriate, providing a clear roadmap for immediate action (telling).

But true teaching is the art of imparting understanding – the “why” behind actions. It requires a commitment of time and energy, and showcases the significance of tasks, the interconnections between steps, and the importance of specific approaches…usually through storytelling.  

What kinds of stories?  Stories that provide a personal connection, illustrate key points, and allow your learners to connect emotionally to what you’re teaching.  Stories also help students drop their defensiveness toward receiving new information.

Another great teaching method is to ask questions. Questions encourage critical thinking.  Ask the student why they think something is important, or how they view a situation.  What would they do in the situation?  What’s happening that may not be obvious? If their answers are incomplete or miss the nuances of a situation, you can provide additional perspectives and help them understand what to look for.

How can we tell stories and ask questions about something when it’s urgent?  We already learned that in urgent situations, telling is often the most appropriate way of getting the right action quickly.  To create truly teachable moments resulting from an urgent event, it’s critical that you take the time after the urgency has passed to discuss lessons learned, and maybe even how to avoid the urgency next time.  

Your role as the teacher and mentor is to prepare your mentee to work independently and effectively.  Not only how to tie their shoes, but why it’s important to tie them in the first place. 

I have one favor to ask:  If you find this information useful, please forward and recommend it to someone else.  Thanks!