“Manners are of more importance than laws. Upon them, in a great measure, the laws depend. The law touches us but here and there, and now and then. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.” – Edmund Burke
-Why do we say Please and Thank You?
-Why do we hold the door for the next person?
-Why do we show respect for our elders?
-Why don’t we interrupt someone when they’re speaking (at least, most of the time)?
Mostly because we were taught these behaviors by our parents, or someone in authority, when we were growing up. We may have learned by being told explicitly, or by watching others that we admire acting in these ways.
As Burke points out, manners are more important than laws. They are fundamental in establishing the boundaries of our behavior, of integrating us within our community.
Manners show our respect for those around us. They create a standard for how we work with others.
Consider the manners (customs) that are in play where you work. It doesn’t matter if you work in construction, nursing, information technology, or any other field. If you work with people (which you always do whether they are your co-workers, your customers, or both), your manner of behavior will be critical to your success. Good manners create a positive environment, build strong relationships, and foster a culture of respect and professionalism.
Since we are creatures of habit, it’s easy to establish either a habit for lacking manners, or for having them. The disciplined decision to operate your life within the bounds of good manners is a decision that will pay consistent dividends. Good manners can be the foundation for a disciplined approach across all areas of your life. When we are polite and considerate, we remind ourselves of our values and our commitment to treating others (and ourselves) with dignity.
The simple act of saying “Please” and “Thank You” (and meaning it) shows our vulnerability to others, and at the same time, our appreciation for what they have done for us. Powerful ways to remind us of our humility and gratitude many times each day.
Edmund Burke observed, “Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other.” Our behavior and proper manners will be a teacher to those around us, whether we intend it or not. Our actions, grounded in good manners, can inspire those around us to adopt similar behaviors.
It’s easy for each new generation to look at the rules and traditions of prior generations (manners) as archaic, overly formalized, and irrelevant in their “new modern era.” They may rationalize away the need for good manners on this basis. However, dismissing the importance of manners can lead to a breakdown in social cohesion. Our challenge is to adapt the principles to modern contexts while preserving the core values of respect and consideration.
Manners are a timeless currency that never loses value—so spend them generously and watch how rich life can become.
The year spent training for a triathlon isn’t just about race day. It’s about the discipline, endurance, and self-discovery that come with each mile ran, every beach swim, and each grueling mile logged on the bike. The race is the goal, but the transformation to triathlete happens during the journey to the starting line.
What about Basic Training for the Marine Corps (something I haven’t personally experienced)? Recruits aren’t merely learning the basic skills they’ll need to be successful. They are becoming something entirely new…a Marine. The recruit is transformed into a Marine by the training process.
Consider a four-year college degree. It’s been said (not sure who said it first) that the main thing a recruiter learns about a college graduate is that they had to apply themselves adequately over a four (or five, or six) year period to get enough class credits to graduate in their chosen major. Each college graduates’ journey is different, and that journey is often as valuable as the classes they had to take to get their degree.
Even smaller experiences like a short hike, a long drive to visit family, or a phone call with a friend can offer more than just their immediate outcomes. They can provide moments of reflection, connection, and growth.
Life’s experiences are not just a series of goals to be checked off or memories to be cherished.
When we learn to enjoy the process and the lessons along the way, we gain something far more valuable: growth, understanding, and the ability to appreciate the transforming power of our journey.
When faced with overwhelming and unwieldy tasks, the metaphor about “eating the elephant” reminds us that the only way to tackle it is one bite at a time.
Whether it’s a major project, a personal goal, or a tough decision, the key is to start. Too often, we fool ourselves and others by dancing around the elephant, procrastinating or overplanning.
This dance—making elaborate plans, seeking endless advice, or justifying delays—can feel productive but only serves as a distraction. Real progress begins with that first bite.
Start somewhere, however small, and build momentum from there.
Park league baseball season came to an end recently. We had four grandsons between the ages of 8 and 10 playing on teams. The teams had a few “veteran” players, but for most of the players this was their first experience playing organized baseball. They had a lot to learn…and we saw amazing improvements in all the players in one short season.
It’s clear that the lessons they learned can extend far beyond the field, if we are willing to pay attention.
Panicking When the Ball Comes
My most vivid memory from the season is seeing the panic for many of the kids when the ball would come their way. Will they catch the ball? Where will they throw it once they have it? Do they know why they’re throwing it in a particular direction? Will the player they’re throwing to catch the ball?
The drama was real. It was clear that a lot of the kids didn’t expect the ball to come toward them. I saw a few kids jump away from the ball to avoid fielding it.
As a spectator, it’s easy to see what’s happening. It’s easy to assume that surely, we’d field the ball properly, and immediately know where to go with the play.
It’s not always as easy as it looks. Unexpected situations arise, and our response (or lack thereof) can significantly impact what happens next. Learning to stay calm and doing some pre-thinking about our actions (before the play) will significantly improve our chance of success.
Understanding Game Situations
Many young players struggle with understanding the game situation—who’s on base, how many outs are there, what’s the best play to make when the ball comes to them, and how to act strategically.
This lack of situational awareness highlights a crucial lesson: the importance of context and awareness in decision-making. Understanding the bigger picture allows for more informed and effective actions. The coaches encouraged the kids to think ahead (pre-thinking) and consider various outcomes. Whether the kids listened and embraced their advice was another thing entirely.
Are you thinking about your “game” situation? The macro and micro aspects of the challenges you and your organization are facing. Are you thinking ahead and considering various outcomes as part of your decision-making process?
Learning the Basics: Throwing and Catching
It’s not uncommon for young players to throw the ball the wrong way or miss it entirely. These fundamental skills require practice and patience. This aspect of the game underscores the importance of mastering basics before tackling more complex tasks. In any field, solid foundational skills are essential for success. Nearly every pursuit or profession has basic foundational skills that need to be mastered along the way toward more advanced skills. A football analogy fits well here…it’s important to understand the blocking and tackling part of the game before you can advance to running with the ball.
Position-Specific Skills and Aspiration
In youth park league baseball, most of the hits stay in the infield. This leaves the outfielders without much to do. I heard lots of outfielders wishing they could play an infield position like second base, or catcher. None of them understood what those positions entailed, but they knew that those positions had more action.
A few of them took the time to learn about the infield positions from their coach. They showed their interest and willingness to work their way to the infield. This shows the value of preparation and skills development. It’s important to work on the necessary skills before aiming for a specific role, whether in sports or any other endeavor. It also emphasizes the value of seeing a goal and then taking the concrete steps to learn, grow, and achieve that goal.
Strikeouts Aren’t Failures
Consider that an excellent hitter in the big leagues gets a hit about 30% of the time. They may get walked occasionally, but the rest of their at bats result in fly outs, ground outs, or strikeouts.
We saw a ton of strikeouts this past season. I was always impressed with the kids who struck out and immediately came back to the dugout to ask their coach what they should be doing to avoid striking out next time. Each strikeout was a learning opportunity…but only if the player saw it that way.
We saw a few kids melt down in disappointment and embarrassment. One kid from an opposing team stomped off the field and took himself out of the game (an extremely negative response to be sure).
When things go wrong, or we don’t get the result we want, that’s the time to buckle down and learn why it happened. Consider ways to improve so the results can improve next time. It’s only a failure if you give up.
Teamwork and Collective Goals
We are all self-centered. As we mature, we usually learn how to control our self-centeredness or at least how to channel it productively. Ten-year-old kids are no different. Their focus is on their own performance. Whether or not they’re hitting the ball. Whether or not they made the right play.
They often forget that the goal is for their team to win. They can help the team achieve that goal by having a strong performance, but also by helping and supporting their teammates. This is a powerful reminder of the importance of teamwork and the collective effort required to achieve a common goal. It’s easy to get caught up in individual performance, but true success usually comes from working together and supporting each other. Collaboration and shared successes build strong teams. Strong teams create successful outcomes.
Consistency Matters
Ask an excellent bowler, pitcher, batter, shooter (basketballs or bullets), pole vaulter, or pickle ball player how they deliver such excellent results. They’ll mention practice, dedication, and a strong mental approach. Eventually they’ll talk about consistency. Each of these pursuits (and countless others) require consistency above all else. The exact motions, body positions, eye contact, and calmness of breath that they can count on happening whether they consciously think about it or not.
Their practice process is all about achieving repeatable actions that their body remembers…every time. They also know that they aren’t swinging for the fences every time they’re at bat, not trying to set the world record or do something extraordinary with every outing.
They are working to become a steady and consistent performer at the highest level possible…and always reaching a little higher.
Consistency, patience, and incremental progress should be the goals…repeatable excellent outcomes will happen as a result of achieving these goals.
Park league baseball is a ton of fun. The drama is real. Teams experienced the “thrill of victory and the agony of defeat” throughout the season. We saw players improving and gaining confidence as the season unfolded.
I don’t know where the teams ended up in the standings at the end of the season.
I know the kids learned a lot and hopefully they’ll incorporate some of what they learned well beyond the game.
Management is an active responsibility. It requires timely decisions and actions.
When managers delay addressing issues, providing support, or offering guidance, it has detrimental effects on both employees and their organization. This form of extreme procrastination, delayed management, erodes trust, hinders efficiency, and can cause long-term damage.
Delayed management occurs when managers, consciously or subconsciously, avoid performing their duties. They may fear confrontation, they may be overwhelmed, or they might just be lazy. Unlike regular procrastination, delayed management specifically involves neglecting critical managerial responsibilities.
When managers delay, employees feel neglected and undervalued. This can lead to decreased motivation and trust. Employees might interpret the manager’s inaction as a lack of belief in their abilities or interest in their well-being. Delayed management stalls projects and misses opportunities.
Picture a small water leak in your walls that goes unnoticed for weeks. The water continues to seep, causing mold to spread and wood to rot. By the time you notice the damage, extensive repairs are necessary. Delayed management causes similar deterioration within an organization, where small issues fester and become major problems.
Managers may fear making the wrong decisions or confronting difficult situations, leading to a cycle of inaction. High workloads and stress can cause managers to feel overwhelmed, making it easier to delay tasks. Some managers assume that someone else will handle the problem, leading to inaction.
Each of these are reasons, not excuses, for delaying management. For employees, none of these reasons matter. The employees’ success relies on their managers doing their job…providing direction, feedback, and expending management energy on behalf of their employees. There is no excuse for delaying management.
Managers should adopt proactive techniques such as regular check-ins with team members and timely feedback. Setting aside dedicated time each day for management tasks can help prevent delays. Effective delegation can distribute workload and empower team members, reducing the burden on managers. Implementing systems to hold managers accountable for their actions ensures they remain committed to their responsibilities. Regular performance reviews and feedback loops can help identify and address delayed management behavior early on.
Delayed management is a silent threat that undermines employee trust, hinders organizational efficiency, and causes long-term damage. Managers can foster a positive work environment and drive organizational success…but only if they do their job without delay.
p/c – I saw this sign recently and loved its simple and direct message
Life is filled with stepping stones—moments that can either define us or simply become a small part of our journey.
When faced with challenges or opportunities, we can see them as just another step or as a moment for growth and clarity. Carl Jung once said, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
I recently re-watched a documentary about the Navy SEALs. Every Navy SEAL candidate faces grueling hardships: physical exhaustion, frigid cold water, mental strain, and the constant threat of failure.
Some candidates see each challenge as an opportunity, a chance to push beyond their perceived limits and grow stronger. They embrace the pain, keep their focus. They find strength in their determination and their fellow candidates. These candidates transform the hardships into defining moments, emerging on the other side as Navy SEALs.
Others, however, let the same hardships overwhelm them. Fear, frustration, and exhaustion cloud their resolve. The challenges, instead of being opportunities for growth, become insurmountable barriers. These candidates wash out, not because they lacked physical capability, but because they couldn’t shift their mindset to see the hardships as stepping stones rather than obstacles.
None of us are born with skills. It’s easy to watch some Youtube videos and think woodworking is totally doable. Any new woodworker can attest to the uneven cuts, the wobbly joints, and the frustrations that can come from trying this new hobby. But, by learning from the mistakes, honing skills through practice and even more failures, projects begin to go more smoothly. The final products are less uneven and wobbly…and the process becomes much more enjoyable.
Learning and growth come from our willingness to take lessons from every experience. Reflecting on each attempt, seeking feedback, and choosing to improve. It’s the decision to learn from every encounter that turns these stepping stones into personal and professional development milestones.
However, clouding our experiences with fear, frustration, anger, or other limiting emotions can lead us to ignore the growth opportunities these experiences present. When we let negative emotions dominate, we risk missing out on valuable lessons that can propel us forward.
It’s difficult, but essential, to manage our emotions and maintain a positive outlook to fully benefit from the lessons we can learn.
The stepping stones in our lives are all potential defining moments. It’s up to us to decide whether we let them pass by or seize the opportunity to let them shape us. We can turn every step into a defining part of our journey.
It’s not just about the stones we step on but how we choose to step on them that defines our path.
The Hawthorne Effect refers to a psychological phenomenon where humans modify their behavior in response to being observed or studied. This effect was first observed in the 1920s and 30s during a series of studies conducted at the Western Electric Hawthorne Works in Chicago, hence the name.
The studies were designed to investigate the relationship between lighting conditions and worker productivity. But researchers found that regardless of changes in lighting, workers’ productivity improved when they knew they were being observed. This meant that the mere act of being the subject of an experiment or receiving attention could influence individuals to perform better.
It also means this powerful personal growth tool is available to you. It turns out that you are the observer you’ve been waiting for, the catalyst for your own transformation.
“You can’t learn to swim by reading a book about swimming. You have to get in the water.” – Unknown
The Burpee Quest
Funny thing about burpees: watching someone do a burpee makes it look super easy (barely an inconvenience). If a Crossfit guy tells you that a good warmup is 10 burpees per minute for 10 minutes, you might think that’s totally doable…until you try it. You’ll learn about muscles you haven’t used in years. You’ll be reminded that gravity is not your friend, and that you’re not as coordinated as you thought.
What if you start by doing 10? Not 10 per minute for 10 minutes. Just 10. Each day.
That’s a tangible and doable goal to start. You can observe (there’s that word) your progress and set incremental milestones for more. Maybe you move up to 20 per day the second week, 40 per day the third week.
A great way to keep track of your progress is to track your progress. Sounds simple…but most people skip the tracking. Tracking is your way to observe (there’s it is) your progress, and lets you become your own motivating force. Write the date and burpee count down on a piece of paper, in your favorite journaling app, or maybe in an Excel spreadsheet.
You are incrementally moving toward 100 burpees in a day. You’re tracking your progress and will start to see the significance of each step toward your goal.
There’s something else you can observe (that word again). Your body’s responses while you’re doing the exercise. It will get easier as you go. Easy? No, just easier. Your body (and mind) will begin to move to a higher level of performance. Your baseline capability will increase. Gravity still isn’t your friend, but you’re starting to learn how to partner with gravity to do the next burpee.
“Learning without reflection is a waste. Reflection without learning is dangerous.” – Confucius
It’s been 4 or 5 weeks since you started this quest. You’re now able to do 3 sets of 25 burpees each day. You haven’t reached 100 burpees yet, but you’re well on your way. If you’re like most people, you might observe (there it is) that you can lighten up a bit at this point. You’ve totally got this. You don’t need to push as hard to improve from here. Your goal is in sight. Don’t fall into this trap!
This is the moment to refocus your goal…push it out a bit…extend the finish line. You’ve already mastered the movements, now you need to apply discipline and blow past your original goal of 100 burpees per day. Parlay this achievement into the next goal?
Maybe actually using the 100 burpees as the warmup that Crossfit guy described. You’ve been working on just getting to 100 burpees in a day, but what’s the next exercise you can do after your burpee warmup?
Same process. Take it in increments, track your progress, celebrate your milestones, welcome to another new baseline, continue to improve, set the next goal.
How can you apply this to your profession?
Actively seek opportunities to acquire new skills. Embrace the awkwardness of not knowing exactly how to do something…and do it anyway. Remember that the satisfaction of learning and growth is uniquely yours. You, as the observer, choose the path of continuous learning. It’s the best way (the only way) to adapt to the evolving demands of your profession.
Improve your value in increments, track your progress, establish new baselines, continue to improve. Sound familiar?
Solicit constructive feedback from colleagues and mentors, appreciating external input as valuable guidance. However, remember that you are the only one who can internalize and implement these insights. Nobody will do it for you.
“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.” – Vernon Law
Your Keys to Self-Improvement
Consistently integrate self-observation and improvement into your routine, recognizing that only you can chart the course of your personal growth.
Reflect on your experiences, setbacks, and successes, understanding that the satisfaction of improvement is a personal journey. You are the sole interpreter of your progress.
Remain flexible and open-minded, adjusting your methods based on feedback and new insights. As the observer, you continually determine refinements to your approach.
Embrace setbacks as opportunities for growth, understanding that the satisfaction derived from overcoming challenges is a deeply personal experience. Stay committed to your objectives, recognizing that only you can appreciate the significance of your efforts.
The Hawthorne Effect is your friend (unlike gravity). Use it and always remember that you are the observer, the driver, and the one who benefits most from your continuous improvement journey.
True renewal is a deliberate act of self-reclamation…
p/c: a recent sunset at our little homestead
Prayer to Saint Joseph the Worker
O Glorious Saint Joseph, model of all those who are devoted to labor,
obtain for me the grace to work in a spirit of penance for the expiation of my many sins;
to work conscientiously, putting the call of duty above my natural inclinations;
to work with thankfulness and joy, considering it an honor to employ and develop by means of labor the gifts received from God;
to work with order, peace, moderation, and patience, never shrinking from weariness and trials;
to work above all with purity of intention and detachment from self, keeping unceasingly before my eyes death and the account that I must give of time lost, talents unused, good omitted, and vain complacency in success, so fatal to the work of God.
All for Jesus, all through Mary, all after thy example, O Patriarch, Saint Joseph. Such shall be my watch-word in life and in death. Amen. – Pope St. Pius X
In life’s journey, we may find ourselves off course or losing track of our original path. We may even fail ourselves or those we love. It is in these moments that we are being called to profound self-discovery and renewal.
Renewal is not a passive occurrence. As the prayer to Saint Joseph states, it requires us “to work conscientiously, putting the call of duty above [our] natural inclinations.” True renewal is a deliberate act of self-reclamation. We have a duty to ourselves and those we love to put in the work that leads to our self-transformation.
It isn’t easy (nothing worthwhile ever is). It involves adapting, finding new ways, and being intentional about embracing change.
When we realize that ours is always a season of renewal, that we can “work in a spirit of penance for the expiation of [our] many sins,” then we will be able “to work with order, peace, moderation, and patience, never shrinking from [the] weariness and trials” of our self-improvement.
May the spirit of renewal be our guide, not diverting us from our journey but enhancing it. May we find the resilience within us to adapt, renew, and move forward with a fresh sense of purpose and determination.
Procrastination initiates a cascade of preventable urgencies, turning manageable tasks into overwhelming burdens and sowing seeds of chaos in our future.
Few things strike fear into the hearts of students quite like the term paper.
The teacher lays out the assignment – a substantial research paper requiring thorough analysis and a minimum of 5000 words. Oh yeah…and half of your grade in the class will be based on how well you do on the term paper. You have until the last week of the semester to get it done.
You think about the topic. You might even jot down some notes on your phone about how you’ll approach it. But there’s no need to rush on this assignment. You have plenty of time. Besides, your friends are heading out to get some tacos and margaritas at your favorite Mexican restaurant. This term paper can wait another day.
As the weeks go by, a creeping feeling of impending doom grips your subconscious. You haven’t started work on that term paper. Growing anxiety and stress become unwelcome companions as the deadline looms closer, and you realize the gravity of the task at hand.
Unfortunately, you have other things on your plate that need more attention. Ironically, many of these more-urgent items are other long-term projects that you had chosen to delay…until now.
The urgency of the term paper magnifies as the deadline inches closer. The once-manageable project becomes an overwhelming burden.
You start to question the fairness of the assignment. How can this teacher expect me to write 5000 words on this topic when I have all these other classes to manage and so little time to get it done?
A cascade of preventable urgencies engulfs your life, leaving you in a world of self-inflicted chaos.
Sound familiar?
The term paper saga is a small-scale reflection of the self-inflicted busyness and chaos in our lives.
Only a disciplined and methodical approach to our tasks can break the grip of procrastination. Our bias must be toward thoughtful and immediate action, not mindless delays to another day.
The time to start work on that long-term project is now, not tomorrow. The time to continue work on that long-term project is tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day after that.
Procrastination is a choice. Each delay we accept sows seeds of chaos in our future. Every task we postpone adds to the burden our future selves must bear.
Grandpa Bob Encouraging Leadership 
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