Category: Encouragement

When Leadership Becomes the Single Point of Failure

Some leaders wear the line outside their door like a badge of honor. People waiting with questions, approvals, decisions.

It feels like proof of trust. Proof of competence. Proof of necessity. If the team can’t move forward without your judgment, surely that means you are at the center of the work.

In many ways, you are.

But there’s a second truth hidden inside that scene. When every decision depends on you, you become the one point your organization can’t outrun.

The line reveals the fragility that forms when decisions stay in one place instead of growing across the organization.

At a certain level of responsibility, leadership effectiveness isn’t measured by the number of good decisions you make. It’s measured by whether the organization can make good decisions without you having to approve each one.

Leadership at this level is staying at the wheel while helping others learn to steer.

High-pressure operators know instinctively that a bad decision leaves a mark. A slow decision leaves a gap. Most organizations struggle more with waiting than with trying. That line at your door, day after day, is the quiet proof. The whole operation can only move as fast as the person at the center of its decisions.

There’s a time in every leader’s career when the instinct to take control is the right one. When the team is inexperienced, when stakes are high, when the risk is real and present, you become the center of gravity because someone has to be.

But later, if the business grows and the structure doesn’t change, this habit of control becomes limiting. What protected the organization early can start to quietly cap its potential, because your bandwidth is finite.

There’s a moment when the senior leader’s job shifts from “Do we have the right answer today?”to “Will we have the right judgment tomorrow?”

That shift feels slow. It feels inefficient. It feels like a luxury.

It isn’t.

It’s a protective move.

Teaching someone how to make a decision can feel like taking the long way around the problem. You could make the call in 30 seconds. Walking someone through the context and reasoning might take half an hour.

It’s natural to skip teaching and just decide. It feels faster. And today, it is.

But tomorrow it isn’t. Because they come back with the next decision. And the next. And the line gets longer.

Here’s a simple practice that changes the arc of your relationship without exposing the business to risk. When someone comes to you with a decision, don’t give the answer first. Ask them, “What would you do?”

You’re not surrendering the decision. You’re building their capacity to make it. You’re seeing how they think. You’re catching errors before they matter. You’re adding the perspective that builds judgment.

It is controlled delegation, not abandonment. Nothing is handed off recklessly.

When someone brings an answer that is close to right, you supply the context they don’t have, and then you say something specific and concrete:

“Next time this situation comes up, you can make that decision.”

Not in general. Not theoretically. For this exact decision, with a shared understanding of why it works.

Over time, the pattern shifts. Fewer decisions reach you. The ones that do are larger, higher consequence, more strategic. The team develops in the shadow of your reasoning, not separate from it. And the bench of judgment widens beneath you.

This is what protects the business from single-threaded leadership. Not a gesture toward empowerment, but a strategy of risk reduction.

Leaders don’t become less important by creating decision-makers. They become less fragile.

The organization becomes capable of sound judgment when you’re not there. The most durable form of control a leader creates.

If the business only works at full strength when you are present, you haven’t reduced the risk. You’ve concentrated it.

At the top levels of leadership, the question is rarely, “Can you decide?”Of course you can.

The real question is, “Can others decide well when you aren’t in the room?”

That’s the difference between being the operator and building the operation.

It begins quietly. A question reflected back. A recommendation explored. A context added. A decision shared. A leader shaped, one situation at a time.

The line at your door gets shorter and your organization gains strength. Not because you step away from accountability, but because you’ve built accountability into the people who stand in that line.

Leadership Homework

One question to sit with, without rationalizing it away:

If you disappeared for 30 days, what decisions would the organization be unable to make without you?

Not decisions they might make differently, different is acceptable. Decisions they could not make.

That answer will show you where the real bottleneck lives.

And where the next generation of leadership needs your attention.

Photo by Mal Collins on Unsplash – it’s time to help your team take flight.

Always Be Coaching

In sales, there’s an old saying that has echoed through offices and training rooms for decades.

Always be closing.

It’s meant to keep the salesperson focused on their end goal. Keep the deal moving forward. Stay alert to opportunity. Maintain momentum.

Over the years, I’ve come to believe leaders need a different version of that advice.

Always be coaching.

As a leader, your mission is to develop the people who will come after you. You lift others through quiet, daily work that helps them grow. Your job is to bring out the best in yourself and in the people who will eventually step into your role. Coaching drives growth and keeps it moving forward.

Coaching your team is a way of saying, “Your future matters to me.” Coaching your children says, “I believe you have more inside you than you can see today.” And coaching yourself acknowledges the simple truth that growth must continue throughout life, especially for the leader.

Great coaches do more than explain ideas. They create space for practice. They help others turn new knowledge into muscle memory. They offer challenges sized just right for the moment. They ask questions that change how a person thinks about a problem. They reveal a new angle or a new path forward when something feels unsolvable.

Coaching takes learning to the next level. You learn something. You put it into practice. Then you pass it on. Teaching anchors the lesson. It deepens the insight. It turns wisdom into a gift you can hand to others.

Coaching doesn’t require perfect knowledge. It requires humble generosity. Share the insight you gained from yesterday’s challenge. Share the questions that helped you see an issue more clearly. Share the perspective that lifted your confidence when you needed it most.

Leadership is a relay. Someone handed the baton to you. One day you’ll hand it to someone else. The best leaders prepare the people who will run ahead long after they’ve finished their leg of the race.

Who have you coached today?
This week?
This month?

This is your responsibility. Your opportunity. Your mission.

Always be coaching.

Photo by Sylvain Mauroux on Unsplash – who are you helping to climb their next mountain?

Teachers, Mentors, and the Grace That Carries Us

“There is no Frigate like a Book / To take us Lands away.”

Emily Dickinson wrote these words in her quiet room, understanding something I didn’t grasp for decades. The greatest journeys begin within.

I know her poem only because of my 11th grade AP English teacher, Mr. Cox. As a rambunctious and cocky 11th grader, would I have taken any of my “super valuable” time to read poems, sonnets, short stories, even books? No way.

But because of his work (and the work of countless other teachers along the way), I did read. A lot. I learned tons of material and information that didn’t matter to me at the time…but matter a lot today.

My focus back then was simple. Be the best student, get the highest test scores, pass as many AP tests as possible, and earn varsity letters in multiple sports. Mostly, I wanted to beat everyone else, pure and simple. It helped that I was blessed with an almost photographic memory and could recall facts and formulas with ease (sadly, not so much nowadays).

I carried that mindset into college. I loved being the student who defined the grading curve for the class. I was annoyed if I didn’t get every single point on an assignment, midterm, or final. I had an almost uncontrollable drive to outshine everyone…as if that was all that mattered.

I was completely wrong.

On the bright side, that drive and motivation made me a successful student and propelled me into my early career.

On the other hand, seeing everyone as my competition, and less as people, meant I probably missed out on a lot of fun. And lots of friendships that never happened. I was so focused on the destination that I forgot to notice who was traveling with me.

That realization connects me back to Dickinson’s frigate in ways I never expected. She saw the book as a vessel capable of carrying anyone, anywhere, without cost or permission. But what I’ve learned over nearly fifty years since high school is that I was asking the wrong question. It was never “How far can I go?” It was “Who am I becoming, and who’s helping me understand?”

My journey from that hyper-competitive teenager to what I hope is a much more caring, thoughtful, empathetic, nuanced, and life-giving person has been propelled by those same teachers I mentioned earlier, and a longer line of guides who keep showing up at the right time in my life.

I didn’t realize it then, but those books, poems, and teachers were all part of my fleet of frigates. Each one quietly helped me close the distance between knowledge and understanding, between my ambition and wisdom.

My mentors, family, and friends have all been vessels that carried me through changing seas. Some taught me to sail straight into the wind. Others reminded me that drifting for a while can be part of my journey as well. Each lesson mattered, even the ones that didn’t make sense at the time…especially those.

Over time, life has a way of sanding down our sharper edges, revealing something deeper underneath. My focus slowly shifted from being the best at something to becoming the best version of myself.

Now, when I think about Emily Dickinson’s frigate, I picture something far greater than a book. I picture a lifetime of learning, carried by the people who invested their time, wisdom, and patience in me. Mr. Cox, and others who gave freely of their time and wisdom, helped me see that the destination isn’t solely becoming the top of the class. It’s finding a profound depth of understanding, the expansion of empathy, and the ability to see beauty and meaning in small, unexpected places.

If I could go back and talk to that 16-year-old version of myself, I’d tell him the real tests aren’t scored on paper. They’re graded every day in how we treat people, how we listen, and how we show grace.

I’d tell him that the frigate he thinks he’s steering alone has always been guided by grace. The true measure of his voyage will be how much space he makes for others to come aboard.

We’re all learning to sail, carried by the steady hand of God.

We never really travel alone.

Photo by Rafael Garcin on Unsplash

59 Lessons at 59

I recently turned 59. Not the big 60 milestone but knocking on the door. In honor of this “almost-milestone” birthday, here are 59 lessons or truths I’ve picked up along the way that may be helpful for you:

  1. Family is the greatest treasure. I’ve learned this from countless dinners, phone calls, and quiet moments of simply being together.
  2. Love grows when you give it away.
  3. Small kindnesses matter more than big speeches. Holding a door, writing a note, or showing up means more than most people will admit.
  4. A campfire has a way of pulling people closer. Some of our best conversations happened with smoke in our face and stars overhead.
  5. Walks in the woods teach patience. The trail never hurries, but it always leads you somewhere good, even if the trail leads back to where you started.
  6. Listening is often better than speaking.
  7. Start, even if you don’t know the finish line.
  8. Forgiveness frees the forgiver.
  9. Work hard, but not so hard you miss the laughter at the dinner table. That laughter is life fuel.
  10. Friendships need tending like gardens.
  11. A calm mind shapes a calm day. How you manage your thoughts sets the tone for how you live, not just how you lead.
  12. Prayer steadies shaky ground.
  13. Scars are inevitable but can become footholds.
  14. Your children and grandchildren remember the times you kept your word. Integrity is how love earns trust over a lifetime.
  15. Music can heal a weary spirit.
  16. Laughter with grandchildren is holy ground. Even the silliest joke can create amazing memories.
  17. Take pictures but also put your phone down.
  18. The best conversations happen unplanned, often on the way to somewhere else.
  19. God shows up in ordinary moments.
  20. Start with what you have, not what you lack.
  21. Be quick to encourage. A word of encouragement can feel like oxygen to someone gasping for air.
  22. Time with your spouse is the best investment you’ll ever make.
  23. A sunrise reminds us the story isn’t over.
  24. Be generous with money, with time, and with grace.
  25. Don’t underestimate a good meal shared…even a bad meal shared.
  26. Patience is a form of love.
  27. Read good books slowly. And read them aloud. I’ll never forget the nights of reading Harry Potter chapters to my kids, one voice carrying us all to another world.
  28. Children teach us as much as we teach them.
  29. A soft answer turns away wrath.
  30. Slow down for sunsets.
  31. Stay curious, even at 59.
  32. Hold babies gently, but often.
  33. Let go of what you can’t control.
  34. Keep your promises, even the small ones. If you can’t be trusted in the little things, no one will trust you with the big ones.
  35. Coffee or a meal with a friend beats any meeting.
  36. Rest is productive.
  37. Gratitude doesn’t just brighten the day. It multiplies joy in ways you can’t measure. It shifts ordinary moments into holy ones.
  38. The journey matters more than the finish line.
  39. Never be too proud to say, “I was wrong.” Or “I don’t know.”
  40. Faith isn’t about knowing all the answers.
  41. Celebrate progress, not perfection.
  42. Trails are better with company. I’ve seen some of the deepest conversations unfold at mile three.
  43. Be the first to say “thank you.”
  44. Find work you believe in, but don’t let it define you.
  45. Love is the legacy worth leaving.
  46. Don’t compare. Contentment is wealth.
  47. Your words can build or break. Choose to build. Always.
  48. A long hug can mend a broken heart. I’ve felt that healing in the arms of family.
  49. Keep learning, keep growing. Continuous improvement matters. Even the smallest step forward is still forward.
  50. Tradition ties generations together, especially if that tradition involves an old family recipe that takes hours and lots of teamwork to make.
  51. Tell stories. Your family needs them. Stories pass down more than facts. They carry history and identity.
  52. Choose wonder over cynicism.
  53. You can’t outgive God, but you can follow His example.
  54. Every season has its beauty. Even Oklahoma summers with their heat and humidity have sunsets worth pausing for (clearly I appreciate sunrises and sunsets).
  55. Be present. Tomorrow isn’t promised.
  56. Family trust is sacred. Break it once, and it may never return the same. Protect it as carefully as you protect your home.
  57. Celebrate the small wins. A child’s smile, a project finished, or a quiet evening with family. Cherish these moments.
  58. Joy often hides in the small, ordinary things.
  59. Life is a gift. At every age, unwrap it with wonder.

4 Bonus Lessons (which means I came up with four more that I didn’t want to exclude)

  1. Adapt or be left behind. If you’re the best buggy whip maker, prepare to adapt when automobiles come out. Don’t cling to the past so tightly that you miss the future.
  2. The quiet miracle of savings and compound interest. Einstein was right. Compound interest is the most amazing thing. Steadily and quietly setting aside a portion of your income builds your wealth over time. It also provides peace of mind and freedom for your future self.
  3. Learn outside your lane. Take time to study things that don’t seem connected to your work. The most important lessons often come from entirely different fields.
  4. Travel opens two windows. When you visit a new country, you learn about their culture, their food, their people. But you also return seeing your own home differently…with gratitude, with perspective, and with fresh eyes.

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash

100 Lessons for Playing (and Winning) the Long Game of Leadership

Ideas and wisdom often arrive with familiar roots.

My views on leadership come from my lived experiences and lessons I’ve learned from great builders and thinkers like Andrew Carnegie, Peter Drucker, Tom Peters, Ken Blanchard, Marshall Goldsmith, Zig Ziglar, Stephen Covey, Jack Welch, Seth Godin, Jeff Bezos, Gary Vaynerchuk, Tim Ferriss, Jocko Willink, James Clear, and countless others.

I’ve also worked with amazing managers and mentors over many decades, including a few who taught me what not to do.

Since I find myself often returning to these lessons, I thought it would be useful to write them down in a list for easier reference.

Leadership Foundations

1. Leadership begins in your mind long before it shows up in your actions.

2. Self-awareness is a leader’s first and most enduring responsibility. Know how your actions land, then lead on purpose.

3. Character outweighs credentials over the long haul.

4. Integrity compounds like interest. The longer you hold on to it, the more it grows.

5. Values are the compass that keep you on course when circumstances shift.

6. Humility is the strength to put others first.

7. Influence comes from trust, not job descriptions.

Vision and Direction

8. A leader’s vision must be big enough to inspire, but clear enough to act on today.

9. Clarity reduces fear. Ambiguity fuels it.

10. Momentum builds when people see the destination and believe they can reach it.

11. Vision is not just what you see. It’s what you help others see.

12. The clearer you are about the goal, the less room there is for fear to grow.

13. Purpose is the map. Storms are just temporary detours.

14. Belief in the destination turns small steps into powerful strides.

15. Every action should feel like part of the same bigger story.

16. Sometimes waiting is the boldest move you can make. Strategic patience is powerful (and extremely difficult).

People and Relationships

17. The right people in the right roles multiply results beyond what you can imagine.

18. A culture of respect will outlast a culture of urgency.

19. Listen like the person speaking might hand you the missing puzzle piece.

20. Pass the applause to others but keep the accountability close to your chest.

21. Trust is invisible, but when it’s gone, everything feels heavier.

22. Relationships need regular deposits of attention, not just withdrawals of effort.

23. Helping someone else win creates a tailwind for your own success.

Decision-Making

24. Good decisions blend facts, values, and the courage to act.

25. The first idea is often just the trailhead. Walk farther.

26. Energy without wisdom burns out. Wisdom without energy gathers dust.

27. Choose the option you can defend in the daylight and live with in the dark.

28. A quick, small decision can open doors a perfect plan never reaches.

29. It’s easier to fix a wrong turn early than to build a new road later.

30. Never cash in tomorrow’s credibility for today’s convenience.

Resilience and Adaptability

31. A setback is a classroom, not a graveyard.

32. Flexibility is a skill, not a personality trait. Practice it.

33. Change is the proving ground where talk becomes action. Priorities sharpen, assumptions get tested, and leadership shows up in decisions, owners, and dates. If nothing changes (no decision, no owner, no date) it was only talk.

34. Adapt your tactics, but never your core.

35. The best views are earned with effort you once thought impossible.

36. Challenges test your limits so you can discover you’re stronger than you ever imagined.

37. Sticking with it usually turns “almost” into “done.”

Growth and Learning

38. The best questions are the ones you don’t yet know how to answer.

39. The moment you stop learning, you stop leading. Sometimes before you notice.

40. Pride blocks the front door to growth. Curiosity leaves it wide open.

41. Ask for feedback before circumstances force it on you.

42. Teach your knowledge, always remembering that your actions teach your values.

43. Every conversation nudges someone closer to, or further from, their best self.

44. Failure carries lessons that success hides. Corollary: High water covers a lot of stumps.

Impact and Legacy

45. Success without significance is empty.

46. The influence you have on people’s lives will outlast your achievements.

47. Your legacy is written in the lives you touch, not in the titles you hold.

48. Leadership is something you borrow from the future. It must be returned in good condition.

49. The most meaningful titles are the ones people give you, not the ones on your nameplate.

50. Think in decades when deciding what to plant today.

51. Your success is multiplied when others stand taller because of you.

52. The best proof of leadership is when growth continues without your hand on the wheel.

53. Leave every place and every person better than they were when you arrived.

Communication & Culture

54. Say the quiet part kindly and clearly. Clarity without kindness bruises. Kindness without clarity confuses.

55. Stories travel farther (and faster) than memos. Stories move people. Memos inform them. Stories turn intention into action.

56. Consistency in small signals (tone, timing, follow-through) builds culture faster than slogans.

57. Meetings should create movement. Reserve live time for decisions and collaboration. End with owners and dates. If it’s just a podcast, send an email. If only two people need to talk, make it a call and give everyone else their time back.

58. Celebrate progress out loud so people know what “right” looks like.

59. Honesty scales when leaders go first. Name the hard thing and show how to address it.

60. Culture forms around what you tolerate as much as what you teach.

Execution & Accountability

61. Strategy stalls without a calendar. Put names and dates on intentions.

62. Start now. Ship one useful thing today. Ride the wave of momentum that follows.

63. Priorities aren’t what you say first. They’re what you do first.

64. When everything is urgent, nothing is important. Choose the one thing that unlocks the next three.

65. Inspect what you expect. Review, refine, and recommit in frequent loops.

66. Own the miss publicly and fix it quickly. Speed heals trust.

67. Scoreboards matter. People work smarter when progress (or lack thereof) is visible.

Faith, Purpose & Centering

68. Quiet time isn’t empty time. It’s where courage and wisdom refuel.

69. Purpose steadies the hands when the work gets heavy.

70. Gratitude turns pressure into perspective.

71. Servant leadership begins by asking, “Who needs strength from me today?”

72. Hope is a discipline. Practice it especially when results lag.

Leading Through Change & Uncertainty

73. Name the uncertainty. People handle the unknown better when it has boundaries.

74. Trade predictions for scenarios. Prepare for several futures, not just your favorite one.

75. Replan without blame. The map changes when the terrain does.

76. Communicate more than feels necessary. The vacuum of silence fills quickly with speculation.

77. Keep experiments small and reversible, so learning is fast and affordable.

78. Endurance is contagious. Your calm can be the team’s shelter in a hard storm.

Coaching & Talent Development

79. Grow people on purpose. Make development a standing agenda item.

80. Coach with questions that build judgment and ownership.

81. When you delegate the result, delegate the authority to achieve it. Authority and responsibility should be in balance.

82. Set intent and boundaries. Agree on check-ins. Then step back so the team can step up.

83. Size stretch work to the person’s readiness. Provide the right challenge, real help, and visible sponsorship. It’s okay if they reach the result by a different route than yours.

84. Build a bench before you need one. Succession begins on day one.

Supportive Organizational Behavior

85. Make it safe to disagree. Invite the view that challenges yours.

86. Credit ideas to their source. Recognition fuels contribution.

87. Write agendas as outcomes, not topics.

Systems Thinking & Process

88. Correct the mistake and improve the system that allowed it.

89. Turn recurring work into checklists and rhythms so excellence is repeatable. Then automate it.

90. Map the flow of work end to end. Prune any step that adds no value. Unblock the rest.

91. Measure what matters. Review it at a pace that improves the work.

Stakeholders & Customer Focus

92. Start with the customer and work back to today’s priorities.

93. Define success in customer outcomes, then align processes, metrics, and rewards.

94. Close the loop by telling people what changed and why.

Conflict & Courageous Conversations

95. Address tension early while the knot is small.

96. Separate the person from the problem. Aim at the issue, not the identity.

97. Put the real issue (the skunk) on the table. Agree on facts before you debate fixes.

Energy & Well-Being

98. Protect time for deep work and recovery so decisions are sharp.

99. Model healthy boundaries. Your example sets the team’s norms.

100. Choose a sustainable pace over heroic sprints. Consistency wins the long game.

Leadership is a skill to be learned and practiced over a lifetime. It grows through steady reflection, small improvements, course corrections, and new discoveries. These reminders pull us back to what matters when life and work get noisy.

Whether you lead a company, a classroom, a project, or a family, your influence reaches far beyond the moment.

The truest measure of leadership is the people we serve and the leaders they become.

Photo by Marcus Woodbridge on Unsplash – I love the idea of a lighthouse showing the way, standing firm and steady especially when the waves are their scariest.

Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Your Age

I sat down recently to write a letter to my cousin (technically my first cousin once removed), who just started basic training in the Air Force.

What began as a quick note turned into something more. A personal reflection, a bit of a manifesto, and a stack of lessons I wish someone had handed to me when I was just setting out.

By the time I hit “save,” I realized this may be worth sharing with any young person taking their first real steps into the adult world.

The letter was full of life updates, jokes, birthday party planning, movie recommendations, and the occasional 10-year-old version of myself asking random questions. But the main message was you can do hard things, and you’re not alone.

What follows are some ideas that come from years of learning, leading, failing, and reflecting. These are lessons for anyone who finds themselves on the edge of something new.

Leadership begins and ends in your head. Most of your real battles are internal. That voice in your head? It can lift you up or hold you back. Especially in an environment full of rules and pressure, how you think will define who you become. Supportive self-talk, resilient thinking, steady choices.  These are the foundational traits for leadership.

Start before you’re ready. Showing up takes more courage than people realize. You will rarely have everything figured out before you begin. Your best opportunities for growth will come from figuring things out while under pressure. That discomfort you feel is a sign that you’re on the edge of growth.

Do the next right thing. When life gets overwhelming (and it will), it helps to stop trying to solve everything all at once. Pause. Breathe. Do the next right thing. That’s enough. The bigger picture tends to take care of itself when we’re faithful and focus on the next indicated step.

You belong here. The feeling that maybe you’re not ready, or that someone else would be better suited for the challenge in front of you. That’s normal. But it doesn’t mean you don’t belong. The truth is you do belong. You’ve earned the right to be where you are. And you’re growing stronger every day, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

Respect is the foundation of everything. Not just the kind of respect that comes from rank or titles, but the kind you live out through humility, consistency, and quiet honor. When you offer that kind of respect, you build trust. And trust is what makes people want to follow your lead.

When the going gets tough, remember why you started. Every hard day will test your resolve. Every early morning, every setback, every lonely hour…these are the places where you’ll either lose sight of your purpose or anchor more deeply into it. Purpose doesn’t remove difficulty, but it gives meaning to the difficulty. And that’s enough to carry you through.

Discipline equals freedom. I shared this piece of advice that comes from Jocko Willink, former Navy SEAL, war veteran, and a powerful voice on discipline and leadership. He says, “Discipline equals freedom.” The more discipline you have, the more freedom you gain.

Discipline gives you control. Over your body, your mind, and your choices.  Freedom to choose your future. Freedom to trust yourself. Freedom to follow through, especially when motivation fades.

You won’t always feel motivated. That’s okay. Stay disciplined. Show up. Do the work. That’s how you earn freedom. One decision at a time.

“Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better.” A classic quote from Jim Rohn. There’s no shortage of obstacles. The goal isn’t to escape them. It’s to grow strong enough to rise above them. The learning curve is real.  Learn, adapt, overcome…become better and things will become much easier. 

About those movie recommendations I mentioned earlier. It’s probably more accurate to call them story recommendations.  Stories about honor, resilience, human ingenuity, and the willingness to keep going when things are difficult. 

We Were Soldiers, an amazingly good movie about strategic servant leadership (which is my preferred style of management), bravery, and the love that comrades in arms have for one another.  It’s a great tribute to the men who fought (many who gave their lives for the guy next to them) and their brave families back home.  I think I’ve seen it at least 25 times and I’m happy to watch it anytime. Each time I watch it, I tear up in at least 2 or 3 places in the movie. 

Ocean’s 11 and The Sting, two films that focus on creative problem solving and teamwork…though our “heroes” in these movies are con men and thieves. 

The Princess Bride made the list. The value of honor (even among combatants), mixed with the comedic and spoofy scenes make it a classic. Even in a world of duels and danger, kindness, respect and loyalty still matter.

I suggested Seveneves by Neal Stephenson. A science fiction novel (my favorite genre for at least the past 10 years) about human survival, adaptation, and rebuilding civilization after catastrophe. The premise is that an asteroid causes the moon to shatter.  What starts out as an oddity in the sky becomes a calamity as the moon breaks up into a ring and then begins to rain down to Earth (something they call the Hard Rain).  Great sci-fi, lots of human ingenuity and adaptability, and a story that covers about 5,000 years.  It’ll take some time to read, but it’s worth it.

Two books by Andy Weir.  The first is The Martian (which became a movie starring Matt Damon), and the second is Project Hail Mary.  Andy wrote The Martian in 2011 and self-published it on Amazon.  It picked up fans and became a bestseller without an “official” publisher.  His second book was called Artemis (takes place on the Moon).  It was good, but not quite as good as The Martian (which is a high standard, so I’m probably being unfair). 

His third book was Project Hail Mary.  This one is also being made into a movie, starring Ryan Gosling. It is excellent. 

The big thing about Andy’s books is that they are scientifically accurate. His characters deal with extremely complex challenges that require thinking and ingenuity to overcome. He writes in a way that entertains and teaches things you never knew.

I love that Andy wrote his first book from beginning to end without any publisher involved. Nobody was there to tell him what he was doing was the right thing.  He believed in himself, believed in the story he was telling, focused on the work, delivered a high-quality product, and proceeded to find his audience one reader at a time.     

All these stories reflect truths about the path ahead. Your journey will be hard. You’ll need grit, creativity, and perseverance. You’ll need others (family, friends, mentors, even strangers). More often than not, the tools to overcome life’s challenges will come from within yourself, quietly shaped by the stories you carry and the habits you form.

Whatever new thing you’re stepping into, whether it’s basic training, a new job, a cross-country move, or a new phase in your life, know that it’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to feel stretched. Just remember your “why,” do the next right thing, and keep showing up with courage.

And who knows? Maybe decades from now you’ll be the one writing a letter like this, passing along what you’ve learned…

Photo by Justin Cron on Unsplash

Leadership That Lasts Beyond the Finish Line

In high school, I had the good fortune of running cross country under a man named Mr. Smuts. Our coach and my 11th grade AP U.S. History teacher. He was the kind of leader who quietly influenced growth in those around him. 

He didn’t bark commands or demand the spotlight. On race day, while other coaches were shouting themselves hoarse, Mr. Smuts would position himself at the mile markers. Calm, steady, present. As we passed, he’d simply call out our split times. No cheering. No panic. Just numbers.

We didn’t need anything else.

He had trained us so well that those times were all the feedback we needed. We knew what they meant. We knew what he expected. And we knew he believed in each of us (even the slow guys, like me).

When we crossed the finish line, sometimes ahead of the competition, sometimes not, he’d quietly remind us that the real opponent wasn’t the other team. It was the clock. It was ourselves.

That quiet challenge made us better. Not just as runners, but as young men.

Mr. Smuts embodied a rare approach to leadership. Seeing others more than being seen. His confidence in us was contagious. His calm became our calm. His consistency helped us believe that showing up and giving our best effort, day after day, was enough to grow into something exceptional.

For a bunch of teenagers full of energy and bravado, his presence could have been drowned out by flash and high school nonsense. But instead, we listened closely. We trusted deeply. And we ran harder.

His leadership style reminds me of a line from the Tao Te Ching:

“When the best leader’s work is done, the people say, ‘We did it ourselves.’”

That’s exactly how it felt. We crossed those finish lines thinking we had pulled it off on our own. Only because he had quietly laid the foundation beneath our feet.

True leaders create space for others to rise.

The Tao Te Ching calls it wu wei, effortless action. Like a river flowing around rocks instead of smashing into them. Doing the right thing at the right time and then stepping back to let the results take root.

Ronald Reagan once said, “There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn’t mind who gets the credit.”

This could have been written about Mr. Smuts.

He led in a way that called attention to others rather than himself. His approach shaped how we performed, how we grew, and how we learned to lead ourselves. His impact showed itself in the confidence he helped us build and the standard of excellence we still carry with us today.

The next time you find yourself in a leadership role at work, in your family, or on any team, ask yourself:

-Am I trying to be the hero, or trying to build others up?

-How can I lead with quiet influence?

-Can I let go of credit and trust the process I’ve helped shape?

The best leaders don’t stand in front of their people. They stand with them, sometimes just off to the side, calmly calling out split times as the race unfolds.

And when it’s over, they nod to themselves, knowing they’ve done their job.

The rest of the story: Mr. Smuts earned his doctorate in Leadership and became Dr. Smuts not long after my time at Cerritos High School (Class of 1984).  He went on to become the school’s principal and ultimately the school district’s Superintendent of Schools for many years, before retiring in 2012. He continues to enjoy his retirement years.

Dr. Smuts is a leader who inspired (literally) thousands of kids (and adults). 

This video provides a brief glimpse of this truly inspiring and gentle man in 2012 as he prepared to retire. It also highlights my high school campus that looks very much like it did four decades ago.  

Let the Ponies Run

Imagine owning a well-trained thoroughbred racehorse. Born and bred for speed, this horse thrives on competition and lives to run fast.

Every day, six days a week, this horse trains relentlessly. It has one purpose and one passion: running and winning races. Nothing else matters.

But on race day, you grow cautious. You worry, despite all the training, despite the horse’s proven skill, that it might not pace itself properly. So, you ask the jockey to override its instinct to run fast. You instruct the jockey to hold back the reins from the start.

As the race unfolds, your horse struggles against this restraint. Instead of feeling exhilarated, it grows frustrated. Its natural drive diminishes with each stride as the jockey pulls back, second-guessing the horse’s desire to run.

Finally, as the last turn approaches, the jockey releases the reins and shouts encouragement. It’s time to unleash all that pent-up speed.

But the horse no longer cares. He’s not even paying attention. He lost his competitive edge about a half mile ago as the jockey kept holding him back. Sure, the horse goes through the motions, picking up just enough speed to appear engaged, to show respect for the jockey’s urging. But the spark is gone.

This is a very fast horse, so even his partial effort makes for a close finish. But unfortunately, the horse doesn’t win the race. One he could have easily won if he hadn’t been held back from the start.

If you’re a manager, how often do you treat your employees like this horse? How often do you hold them back from doing the very thing you hired them to do? Do you second-guess their instincts, micromanage their decisions, and restrain their natural abilities out of fear, caution, or to protect your ego?

Consider how demoralizing it is for your team when you take away their autonomy. The freedom to run their own race. When employees lose the ability to make meaningful decisions, their enthusiasm, creativity, and ownership suffer. These are the very qualities that fuel success, and when suppressed, diminish the team’s potential and their performance.

Take a look around your organization. Are your people fully engaged, and running with purpose? Or have you inadvertently drained their passion and energy by holding them back?

There’s something else that’s easy to overlook. When you don’t allow your people to take on challenges, make decisions, and occasionally stumble, you’re not just holding them back today. You’re limiting who they can become tomorrow. Without the opportunity to stretch, fail, and grow, your employees can’t develop the judgment and endurance that leadership demands.

Playing it safe and keeping them on a tight rein risks weakening your bench strength and jeopardizing your organization’s ability to thrive in the future. We’re not just running one race; we’re running a never-ending series of tough races that stretch out long into the future.

Imagine how powerful your organization could be if you simply let your thoroughbreds—all the talent and skills you’ve carefully assembled—run their races the way they know best. Imagine letting them succeed and fail with your support, as part of your team, and not just your assistant waiting for you to make all the decisions.

It’s time to loosen the reins and let the ponies run. Because if you don’t, they might find somewhere else where they can.

Photo by Jeff Griffith on Unsplash

Bringing Home the Moonbeams

There’s a line in a Frank Sinatra song that asks if we’d like to, “…carry moonbeams home in a jar.” A crazy idea. Moonbeams can’t be contained or put in a jar, but their magic can be carried home just the same. What if we could carry home the kind of wonder and light that moonbeams represent?

Life throws challenges at us every day. Deadlines. Difficult conversations. The relentless tug-of-war between expectations and reality. Yet, amid the noise, we often stumble upon moments of beauty.  Unexpected acts of kindness, moments of connection with strangers, or simply a sunrise or sunset that stops us in our tracks. These are moonbeams.

Have you ever met someone for the first time and felt their kindness so deeply that it stayed with you? Maybe it was a stranger who gave you directions with a smile, a colleague who truly listened, or someone who saw you struggling and extended their hand. These are glimpses of humanity’s greatness.  Magic moments where we see the best of who we are reflected in someone else.

What if we made it our mission to carry that magic home with us?

It’s easy to bring home the worries of the day.  Our frustrations, our stresses, our nagging self-doubt. But alongside these, we can also bring moonbeams: the small, bright moments of beauty, hope, and love that we encounter every day. We can share the wonder of a chance conversation, the joy of something new we learned, or the inspiration we felt when we saw someone overcoming adversity.

Carrying moonbeams is about being conscious of what we pass on to those we love. It’s about choosing to share curiosity instead of cynicism, gratitude instead of grumbling. It’s about being the explorer who brings back stories of the world’s beauty to share with those at home, inspiring them to see the magic in their own lives, too.

Imagine if we all carried moonbeams in our metaphorical jars. How much brighter would our homes, our communities, and our world become?

What if we could embrace the day with the motivated curiosity of an explorer. Purposely looking for the moonbeams—the fleeting magic of kindness, beauty, and connection.

Imagine carrying them home to share, not in jars, but in our words, our actions, and our presence.

Because moonbeams, once shared, have a way of multiplying.

Photo by me, capturing a “moonbeam” of a sunrise view outside my kitchen window the other day

Lessons in Failure – the Mark of a True Leader

There’s a saying that often floats around in entrepreneurial circles: “Fail fast, fail often.” While the origins of this phrase are up for debate, its lesson is clear. Failure isn’t just an inevitable part of leadership.  It’s one of the most defining. How a leader reacts to failure (their own or their team’s) can reveal their true character and shape the trajectory of their future success.

But here’s the thing: writing about failure and leadership can quickly sound like a series of cliches. We’ve all heard the platitudes about “learning from mistakes” and “rising stronger.” But there’s a deeper message about what truly separates those who lead with integrity and vision from those who crumble when things go wrong.

When failure strikes, leaders face a choice. They can own it, adapt, and come back stronger. Or they can point fingers, wallow in resentment, and stall out. The decision often happens in an instant, but its impact can last a lifetime.

Great leaders take ownership of failure, even when it’s not entirely their fault. Why? Because owning failure builds trust. When a leader says, “This didn’t go as planned, let’s discuss what we’ll do to fix it,” they inspire confidence. They create a culture where the team feels safe to take risks, knowing that mistakes are part of growth, not reasons for punishment.

When leaders blame others, they erode trust. Pointing fingers, whether at the team, external circumstances, or bad luck, signals an unwillingness to reflect and adapt. Over time, this creates a toxic environment where innovation dies and progress stalls.

“Fail fast, fail often” isn’t about being reckless.  It’s about embracing experimentation and accepting that not every idea will succeed. Failing quickly means you can pivot sooner, learn faster, and ultimately get to a better solution.

This idea requires two things:

Humility: The willingness to admit when something isn’t working.

Agility: The ability to adapt and try again without becoming paralyzed by setbacks.

Elon Musk is a great example. From continual iterations of experimentation and failure at SpaceX—including multiple RUDs (rapid unscheduled disassembly in rocket speak)—to the challenges Tesla faced in scaling production and support, he’s built companies on the idea of learning through failure. Musk doesn’t see failure as an end point.  He sees it as feedback.  A necessary step on the path to success.

To handle failure effectively, leaders need more than optimism.  They need a process. Here’s a simple approach that works (notice I didn’t say it’s an easy approach):

-Recognize the failure and what it means. Be transparent with your team.

-Reflect on what went wrong without assigning blame. Focus on systems and strategies, not personal shortcomings.

-Identify key takeaways. What worked? What didn’t? What’s worth trying again?

-Adjust your approach based on lessons learned.

-Recommit to the goal with a renewed focus and determination.

Failure doesn’t only teach leaders how to solve problems.  It shapes their emotional intelligence (if they allow it). Leaders who’ve faced setbacks tend to have more empathy and patience. They’ve had to overcome multiple failures themselves, so they know how challenging failures can be for their teams.

When leaders normalize failure, they create cultures where people aren’t afraid to take risks or push boundaries. That’s where breakthroughs happen.

The mark of a true leader isn’t perfection. It’s how they handle failure.  Whether they embrace it as a teacher or fear it as an enemy. The choice of owning mistakes, adapting, and persevering defines not just their success, but the success of everyone they lead.

The next time failure arises, ask yourself: Will I let this moment shape me for the better? Will I lead my team through it with grace and determination? Will we learn from this failure? 

The answers will set the course for everything that follows.

Photo by David Trinks on Unsplash